Friday, April 10, 2009

The Lost Boys (by ruben & ryan)

"We don’t even have a word for it…but I believe you call it The Monster.”
-Benjamin Linus

After the recap, we knew, the whole world knew, we were in for a Ben episode, and what a romper we got! Let’s cut to the chase here. This episode was pretty good, pretty gangsta’, if you will. Ben Linus is a gangsta’ from the streets, or rather, a gangsta from the Island. Did you guys see how he blew away Cesar like he was Tony Montana or Sonny Corleone? This episode was like the hip-hop-version of Lost, complete with guns and smoke. The episode, titled DEAD IS DEAD, opens up with a lone man on a horse. This man is Charles Widdmore at a different, younger age. He rides high, like he is in charge. He demands answers from Richard and then he goes in to talk to a young Ben. Ben doesn’t remember being shot and Charles remarks at the awesome ability of Ben’s healing. Apparently, Ben shoulda’ been dead. Next we see and older Ben awakening to a resurrected Locke. Ben looks surprised and says “It’s one thing to believe in something, it’s another to see it.” Is Ben telling the truth? We have grown so accustomed to Ben lying that it is hard for us to take him at his word. Next we see a younger Ben, with more hair, perched outside some sorta camp. He is with a younger boy. Through forced dialogue we find out that this boy is, none other than, Ethan Romm. Young Ethan seems eager and anxious. Ben marches into said camp, armed, ready to shoot someone. That someone is Rousseau. Holy Gee Whiz! But before Ben can shoot her, he knocks over her music box (the very music box that Sayid repairs) and awakens a sleeping baby. That baby is Alex. Duh. Ben takes Alex and spares her mother’s life.
Next we see an older Ben digging through a desk, his old desk. He finds a picture of him and his stolen daughter. Locke interrupts him and demands to talk about the “elephant in the room.” Ben gives him some story and Locke simply states he just wanted an apology.
Two scenes that stood out to us: The tiny bit of dialogue between Ben and Ilana and Bram (the guy from October Road). Ben asks if they need help and Ilana says something about “transporting necessary supplies,” and goes on the decline Ben’s help. The second scene that stood out to us is the scene between locke and ben when they talk about the “elephant in the room,”…and Ben’s face when sun says “his said his name was Christian…that’s a good scene too. The look on Ben’s face when she says “Christian” is priceless. Okay that is three scenes, but who cares, right? You guys know how it is. It is hard to put this show into categories and subtexts. Maybe it was just too much to handle. Too much Ben backstory. Too many answers to digest.
On top of everything they threw at us with this eppy, they go and hurl at us Ben’s attempt to kill Widdmores daughter, i.e. Penny Hume. Ben shoots Desmond. We gasp. Ben points his gun at Penny. We cry. Then Ben sees Penny and Desmond’s son. We gasp again. Ben has a definite softspot for babies. He loves babies. Then we cheer as Desmond tackles Ben and beats the living S outta him. Yeah!
Ben deserved that beatin’.
Ben blows Cesar away. “This gentleman and I are taking a boat…” Blammo! Right in the clock-o! Ben shot that dude whom we thought was important…hmmm…we wonder if we will see poor Cesar again in future(?) episodes? Next we see Frank, Locke, Sun, and Ben. Sun is puzzled. Frank just leaves. Sun is wide-eyed. Locke is demeaning towards Ben. Oh, how the roles reverse. Ben is scared. He says so. When he is talking to Sun on the porch, after summoning the Monster, he says that the fact that Locke is walking around this Island [after being dead], well, it scares the hell outta him.
So, wait, you’re telling us that Ben summons the Monster by draining a hole of murky water? Sudden flashback to a younger Ben pushing Aex in a swing. This is after the Purge. Richard comes to him and says something about the sub leaving. This is the beginning of the war. The war between Ben and Widdmore. Ben says Widdmore is exiled because he always leaves the Island, and because he had a kid with an outsider. That kid is Penny. No doubt. No diggity. Then Widdmore says, in so many words, that Ben will be in his shoes. Does Widdmore or younger Ben know what will eventually happen? Mainly speaking of the Oceanic crash and the wild future timeline? Blammo! Right in the clock-o! Our favorite television program keeps giving. It’s weird to start finally getting answers to our questions. Isn’t it? The questions are so long and drawn out, that, when finally, our questions are answered, they almost come across as forced and campy. Like when Ben finally releases the Monster. It appears and does its thing and it all seems…well, rather, BLAH. We may be the only ones here, and it may be nothing but build-up gone wrong, but we think the whole thing with the Monster and the Monster as Alex was corny, like a rap video with special effects. “What lies in the shadow of the statue?” This is what Ilana, the chick who was escorting a handcuffed Sayid, asks to a tired LAPIDUS. He can’t answer and then she knocks him out with a big gun. We think this chick and Bram are friends with Widdmore.
Next we see Ben under the Temple. Followed by Locke. Then Ben falls through a floor and into the Egyptian past, complete with hieroglyphs and the Monster. Ben is judged. We see shadows of his past. And then the Monster, in the form of his daughter, Alex, tells him what and what not to do. So much Egyptian stuff in this eppy. And yet again, the answers confuse as much as the questions. That’s why it may come off as campy and prickly.
Ben is a gangsta. What a Ben episode. OMG! ‘Twas a rollercoaster. From hip-hop to resurrection to Alex and the Monster. Everything is changing. Ben changes in this episode. He shows fear and resilience. Like never before. Locke takes on a new role. Widdmore is seen in a different light. This episode will live on as pivotal.


Questions/Comments? Want to date one of the Lost Boys - you can't Ryan has a girlfriend who is nice. Email us @ lanalogue@gmail.com

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Brad & DAD - The Quest for a New BFF UPDATE


This Week on BRAD & DAD:

  • Dad went to the pizza place where Brad was supposedly spotted and got an update from the owner. Yes, Brad was in. He ate Pizza. No one recognized him. We know this.
  • Then DAD went over to the French Restaurant in town where the Jolie-Pitts were supposedly spotted and found out that the restaurant closed the place down for the famous couple and their fam. Big deal.
  • Dad found out from his friend, who is a local cop, that the house still needs to be fixed up a bit to be Jolie-Pitt ready, but they should be in soon. Boring.
  • Dad has mom on limo patrol. Mom said that on Tuesday she saw a long white stretch pass her house in the AM and then again in the later afternoon. Makes you wonder ... how long was MOM staring out her window for?
  • On walk with his grandkids in the local State Park, right near Brad & Dad's homes, DAD started calling my husband Chris, Brad to try and "fake out" other hikers.
  • I had a dream on Tuesday that I was at Brad and Angelina's wedding and DAD was mad at me because I didn't take a shower and was talking all through the ceremony.
Tune in next week for Brad & DAD - The Quest for a New BFF.
Suggestions for DAD? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

I Watch Rock of Love Bus Too (posted by Tiffany Cave)


Dear Lana,

It's been a while...hope you are well!

I logged onto the FB and saw something on my general "feed" that caught my eye...."Lana LoRusso just wrote a scathing letter to the writers of Rock of Love Bus. Check it out now on
http://www.lanalogue.com/." I never truly pay attention to my general public "feed updates." I think such updates like, "Kristy Koenig fat + tight pants = pants unbuttoned at my desk...Shhhhhh" (source: Facebook, Kristy Koenig, updated 6 minutes ago) are "fun" but not something I should inquire about nor spend any amount of time trying to figure out. As you instructed, I logged onto www.lanalogue.com and to my astonishment found the very letter I yearned to write to the writers of one of the most despicable, detestable, repulsive, shameful and yet the GREATEST show ever made...Rock of Love Bus. You are right on point, Blonde Ambition rocked, I despise Bret for ending Ashleigh's tour and every episode after hoped he would bring Britannya and/or Lacey back.

I just wanted to let you know that I too am devastated Taya and Mindy are the final two left and I too am in support of an alternate ending.

Thanks!

--TIFF

PS - sorry for the long email...no one I know watches this show. I was a bit excited....



Dear TIFF.


We are so glad you watch the show along with us. I happen to know for a fact that other people watch this show, because like I've said before, I get the most hits on my site from people using the search words "Nude pics of Brittannia from Rock of Love Bus". Now that's Awesome.


Best,


The LANALOGUE


Any one else fans of ROLB? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Reality Bites (by jill b) - SPOILERS


Celebrity Apprentice - It was absolutely ridiculous that Trump fired Khloe Kardashian for her DUI! It has NOTHING to do with their projects - and he lets every other C-list, hot mess celebrity prance around on the show. I felt so bad for the poor girl as he was reaming her out.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians - Why is Kim getting her own fragrance? Do people really want to smell like her? Her sisters were all salty because she was calling it Dashing and it conflicts with their store name Dash. Who cares? No one is going to buy this even if it is on the clearance rack at CVS!

Tough Love - Is anyone watching this? This show is awesome! Jody's date was such a jerk - I hated that they spun it that his questions were innocent because he couldn't believe someone as great as her is still single. Taylor is redeeming herself and Arian is a hot mess. Most of the other girls seem to blend together. I am surprised that none of the girls are crushing on Steve - he is adorable!

Survivor Tocantins - For some reason, Taj keeps escaping elimination. Stephen could have totally changed the game when he had the Idol and knocked her out. How is Coach still there - he ticks everyone off and is creepy!! Joe's infected leg is bad - would not be surprised if he has to leave to get it treated.

Questions for Jill? Did she ruin Celebrity Apprentice for you, like she did for me? Email us lanalogue@gmail.com

Are You The Loser Or Is He?



Last night I went to a private party for Rachel Greenwald's new book "Why He Didn't Call You Back". The event was held at the Tori Burch store in NYC. It was quite clever. The guest list/attendees consisted of: successful, single, good looking, NYC women, all of which who could afford Tori Burch clothes and me. You could get a 20% discount on everything in the store, while you listened to Rachel talk about Why He Didn't Call You Back. At the end of the night, a young woman walking out of the store yelled to Rachel "Bye Rachel! I just spent $1,000 on clothes, I don't need." I almost robbed her.
Anyway ... back to the book. Rachel is a NY Times Best Selling Author, who knows all about dating. Her success rate with set-ups is like 700 marriages - or something crazy like that. For this book, she interviewed 1,000 men. Can you believe that? 1,000 men - to ask them why they don't call women back (I would have stabbed my eyeballs out). She found that while there was the occasional jerk, they all pretty much had the same reasons for not calling you back. Here are few in my own words:
  1. The woman was coming from work and was in work mode. He would rather hire her than date her.
  2. She was used to being the boss at work and was very argumentative on the date and it stressed him out.
  3. She complained about how stressful her day was.
  4. She was a negative person in general.
  5. She slept with him on the first date like a total slut.
I made the last one up.
Anyway, there were a few more and I was like geez, these guys are picky, but it kind of made sense. Would I want I guy who acted like that? Probably not (although #2 could be fun from a role playing perspective).
Anyway, Rachel, was honest, positive and smart. She fielded questions like:
"Why doesn't he like me?"
"Where can I find a man?"
"How can I get him to give me a second chance?"
Questions, that I thought "How could she possibly know the answer as to why a random guy wouldn't like this random stranger?" - but she answered all these women and all of her answers made sense! It made me wish I brought all my single friends to the event.
I have been reading the book and I highly recommend it. I've been quoting it all day - which is kind of random. I also recommend, that if you are single, you take the cover off, so guys won't see that you are reading it.
Also check out www.whyhedidntcallyouback.

It's News: but not for mensa members 4/8

Scarlett Johansson has shed 14 pounds thanks to Gwyneth Paltrow, who’s lent her own personal fitness guru, Tracy Anderson.
It’s good to see Scarlett taking advantage of the low interest rates on fitness gurus.

Kate Moss is penning a cookbook after being inspired by good friend and kosher chef Stasha Palos.
Cocaine has a way of making anything taste good.

Tom Cruise is considering remaking “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” with pal and fellow Scientologist John Travolta. Cruise reportedly claims film legend Paul Newman gave him his blessing to remake the film before he died.
I was going to make fun of this until I realized it might actually be kind of cool.

Miley Cyrus may be the queen of teens, but she’s not a good influence on them, according to a survey on PopEater.com. 32 percent of those surveyed said Cyrus was their favorite teen idol, but only 10 percent think she’s the best role model. The Jonas Brothers and Britney Spears followed Miley. Taylor Swift took top honors best role model for young people. A total 57,000 readers took the PopEater.com questionnaire, which named John Travolta the hottest former teen idol and Rob Lowe the most scandalous idol of all time.
Is it me or didn’t Leif Garret kill a guy in a drunken car wreck?

Miley Cyrus is “very happy” in her current relationship with her older boyfriend and tells USA Today that relationships with people her age “can be harsh and judgmental.” Meanwhile, Cyrus’ mom Tish is opening up for the first time about raising the pop star in a special airing on E! tonight.
Who would have known back then that that mullet would actually attract a mate capable of birthing such a phenomenon?

“I have a 33-year-old man. That’ll keep your mojo mojo-ing.” – Halle Berry in the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar.
F*ck your mojo. Oh wait, that’s what you were saying. Or was it? I’m confused.

Jennifer Aniston reportedly has a crush on Mets slugger David Wright.
God, life really is like high school. You’re using the media to spread an “I like him” rumor? Why not just leave a note in his locker?

Soon-to-be-divorced “Real Housewives of NYC” star Countess de Lesseps was spotted locking lips with Almond restaurant owner Eric Lemonides, but chances are he isn’t her rebound beau. “I’m gay and kiss almost every woman that comes into the restaurant,” Lemonides told the Post.

Sounds sanitary.

“Real Housewives of NYC’s” Jill Zarin says the show isn’t a curse for the castmates - it’s a “blessing.” Zarin also sounded off on the Bethenny Frankel/Kelly Killoren Bensimon feud (“I’m always team Bethenny”) and Countes de Lesseps divorce, telling the Daily News, “Fifty percent of couples get divorced. …The Count will be a great ex-husband, and a great father. This is my advice: Marry someone you’d want to be divorced from.”
Huh. That actually makes a little sense.


Entertainment Weekly reports that actor Kal Penn has been hired by the White House as a liaison whose role will be to connect Obama with the Asian-American and Pacific Islander communities, as well as Hollywood.
Really?





Nancy O’Dell reveals in her new book, “Full of Life,” that she and hubby Keith Zubchevich were so eager to start a family that they made an appointment with her gynecologist for some tips.
Was she raised a nun or something?


Thoughts on Jen Aniston, Kal Penn or Tom Cruise? Email us @ lanalogue@gmail.com

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Twitter Soup - courtneylove79

Does anyone speak Rambling Junkie? Here are a few (and when I say a few I mean 5 out of 47) tweets from Courtney Love, just this morning, that are all pretty much alike in coherency.



f us the ones who knew and if i have bneen in any way helpful i am honoured ti have been so, thats all i really must pack love you.
with my abs and the pert thing in back, not being arrigant just came outta bed to express my heart burtsing with love for rusty, your one o
if you bloody added me to your tweet thing itd be so much easier niethe rof us chacks texts and "people" do also i have yet to be inside
ud of your charcater and behaviour i am proud you didnt sell me out and the stupid move wopuldve been as Mckenna putit to underestimate
times to droop., yes were all naricsiistis but its a matter of MALIGNENCy, eg i know i am really really good possibly better than anyone at4
from web

To get the full experience, check out www.twitter.com/courtneylover79
What cold be wrong with Courtney? We would love to hear all your theories. Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com



Monday, April 6, 2009

Rock of Love Bus - Dear Writers


Dear Writers of Rock of Love Bus,
Why would you do this to us? You gave us 3 seasons of sluts, strippers and sex and in return we tuned in to this dumb show every week. Now, in the last season, this is how you decide to reward us for our loyalty? This is how you want to go out? Are your moms writing these episodes?

Ever since Bret dumped the Blond Ambition Tour and Britannya, this season sucks. The Whiny Lame Boring Tour is a big snore to watch. If Mindy's"funks" are torturous to Bret, why in God's name would you think we would want to see more of her? If I wanted to watch people be depressed and whine over men, I would be watching Grey's Anatomy. The only fun part about last night's episode was when we saw the clips of Ashleigh making fun of these girls.

Why wouldn't you hit us with some sort of "shocking twist"? For example:
SHOCKING TWIST!
After dinner Bret says to the Torturous Trio:
"Girls. This dinner sucks, this tour sucks and pretty much, you suck. I'm bringing back the hos."
Then in walks The Blond Ambition Tour and Britannya.
BAM!
Now THAT would have made this season, the BEST last season ever.

There is one episode left and sadly, I doubt this happens. In the coming attractions, Bret is holding what looks to be an engagement ring box, whereby, looking like a total dork. How can he propose to either of these girls (especially Taya who I don't think he's even tongue kissed yet)?

I am writing you this letter because I don't think it's too to late shoot an alternate ending and fire your moms.

Think about it.

Yours,

Lana "I'm Not A Ho, I Just Like This Sho'" LoRusso
The LANALOGUE
lanalogue@gmail.com

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Friday Night Lights - 7 Reasons


7 Reasons Why FNL is the Best Show on TV

  1. I used to hate Texas and now I am considering moving there
  2. Landry is the coolest ugly person on TV, who is still sort of cute.
  3. Each girl is hotter than the next (that includes the mom).
  4. Everyone wishes they had a Coach like Coach.
  5. Watching Friday Night Lights is better than watching actual football
  6. They named an episode after Shel Silverstein's "The Giving Tree".
  7. Even guys want to have sex with Tim Riggins.

EVENTS IN NYC - Book Party


"Why He Didn't Call You Back" Book Party

I am proud to say that one of our LANALOGGERS, Rachel Greenwald is a NYT Best Selling Author. Her new book is coming out next week. There is going to be a book party for her next Wednesday April 8th, from 6:30-9:30 at M1-5 Lounge in Tribeca (52 Walker Street, between Church and Broadway). We are all invited. Check out http://www.yourtango.com/events/greenwald for more details. There will be a bunch of single guys and girls there. I am also a pimp.

EVENTS IN NYC - Music

Without You I'm Everything
LANALOGGER Louise Kim writes

"Without You I'm Everything will be delivering their unique sonic bliss at their first Brooklyn show on Saturday, April 4th. WYIE will be filling the stage with the usual bass, drums, guitar and vocals as well as cello, viola and violin - it's dramatic, symphonic rock 'n' roll."
www.myspace.com/wyie
The details: Public Assembly - 70 North 6th Street (btwn Wythe & Kent), Williamsburg. - subway: L (Bedford Avenue stop)
info: http://www.publicassemblynyc.com
saturday, april 4th — 8:00 — $10

Friday, April 3, 2009

HerOeD (posted by nick)



Into Asylum

Due to “Into Asylum” being such a dialog filled episode, not much of it should need deciphering. All events were easy to interpret, and overall this was a safe episode, not bad, but not really that good either (I feel like an American Idol judge). The overall theme to this episode was fixing relationships. I’ve also been recognizing that this volume Heroes has found its grove in delivering an organized storyline in dealing with its multiple characters all over the world.

Storyline number one: Nathan and Claire’s Spring Break in Mexico. The two of them being together is significant because they were once granted a pass but are now in the same boat as everyone else, fugitives, but them getting away or saving the day was no where in sight. This episode was made for them to “fix” their “I hate my dad” relationship. Hopefully after watching this rather “boring, but had to happen” dialog Claire’s issues will be resolved and there will be less of Claire complaining.

Storyline number two: Peter and Angela Petrelli talk to Jesus. The entire scenario was dark and gloomy (in a good way) from the downpour of rain in the streets to the two of them hiding out in the church. I also thought that Angela having to earn her precognitive dreams, and couldn’t just pop a sleeping pill, was a nice factor thrown in the mix. Hearing Angela finally speak to Peter about how messed up their family is was a relief, I was beginning to wonder how this could be ignored for so long without anyone saying anything, I mean, they are really an f’d up family. I don’t know really how I feel about Peter praying/talking to God. I think I’m in between cool and weird because really, what hasn’t God done for him? What did Peter mean by God not living up to his end of the deal, Peter was at one point the most powerful person on the planet, and seemingly lost that to his own stupidity (hugging his father aka trusting the biggest villain EVER). When Mr. Bennet found them in the confessional and let them go it makes you wonder how long he can get away with being their “inside man”.

Storyline number three: Danko and Sylar pop bottles in the club. This began with Danko finally internally realizing that Mr. Bennet knows his shizzness. Bennet has been trying to tell Danko how effective one of us, one of them is, and now Danko sees this for himself, especially when the “them” is the best “they” have to offer. Bennet begins the episode by telling Danko he was wrong to send agents after someone with an unidentified ability because you’ll have no idea what you are up against (umm common sense). Bennet later unknowingly gives Danko advice about “the value of co-opting the native population”, and “working the enemy, using them as assets or weapons by motivating them”. Sylar’s introduction to Danko in his car with the 1960’s hit “The Runaway” by Del Shannon playing on the radio was very cool, as was the introduction of possibly the most awesome ability, shape-shifting. My only concern is that this makes Sylar virtually uncatchable and leads us to believe that unless Peter gets his full power back, Sylar will not be stopped, ever (but who cares right he’s awesome).

In the end not much was accomplished besides Claire, Nathan, Peter, and Angela patching up their relationships. I could say that Sylar is believed to be dead now but I don’t think Mr. Bennet is that dumb. Angela revealing she has a sister (of course!) and closing the episode with the song “We Gotta Get Out of This Place” by The Animals was pretty cool too.

Overall 7 outta 10


Questions/Comments for Nick? Email us lanalogue@gmail.com

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

TWITTER SOUP

And the Award for Lamest Celeb April Fools Tweet goes to:


iamdiddy: More Breaking NEWS!!!: Its official!! Meet Mr and Mrs SEAN AND ROBIN COMBS!!!! I just left the courthouse!!! :)

iamdiddy: Jokes over! April fools!! April fool!! I'm not engaged! Not married! Sorry. Its the only day I get to be a celebrity blog and spread lies:)


TWITTER SOUP

heidi montag heidimontag: has everyone heard my new songs? which one do you like better?


Actually, this one must be the joke ...


TWITTER SOUP

heidi montagheidimontag: I am I wanted to tell my twitter friends first.... I am pregnant!!!!!!!! I couldn't be more excited!!! I hope its a boy!

Great joke Heidi. All those 16 year old girls that subscribe to your Twitter will have a great April Fools joke to pull on their moms today. At least I hope it's a joke ... Thoughts? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com