LANALOGUE PARTY May 2010

    

LANALOGUE Party Pics at Professor Thoms in NYC featuring: Lostathon, The Lost Boys: Ryan & Ruben (in Frank Lapidus tee and Numbers Baseball Hat), Cliff Christofaro, Gina Bocuzzo, Nicole Arena, Larry Wallach, Bretje Wallach, Nikki LeSage, Selena LoRusso, Rich Lippold, Jess Freidman, Rebecca Soskin, Jackie Alongi, Rourke Harrington, Tara Cunningham, Thayer Fox, Tara Rothman, Susan Goldfarb, Diana Lawrence, Nicole Coletti, Andy Meyerson, Ed Silhan, Felicia Mattson, John Kearon, John O'Donnell, Chris Kramer, Keren Amihud, Matt Howe, Matt Leber, Katie Fogerty, Mark Brebach, Jeff Fischer, Rebecca Hanley, Anne Toal, & Pete Aquilino

THE LOST BOYS WITH RYAN BUYNAK AND RUBEN ROMAN

“We’re in hell."

-Ricardus

Richard Alpert! Ricardus. Ricardo. Ricky. Riles. Ribbon man. River. Great episode. But. Still. What the F is going on here? Hell this and heaven that. This is a bait and switch thing, bubba. Hell hell hell. It’s heaven. And all we can do is guess who is good. Jack is good. Hurley is good. Ultimately Sun and Jin are good and Sawyer is good. Locke was good. Maybe. Richard Alpert is great.

Confusing much? Hell yes, how could one not be after this thriller. Ruben was on the edge of his seat the whole time. Ryan loves any episode in which Frank Lapidus curses around a fire. Opening with Ilana and Jacob speaking Russian and then segueing into a funny scene in which Jack’s mind is blown when the others tell him about Locke/MiB. This episode follows Ilana’s attempt to figure out what to do with the help of Richard’s expertise, but Richard is in the midst of a severe crisis of faith. He has crises coming out of his ears.

We thought Richard was going to be of Egyptian origin, but he is not. Turns out, he is from Tenerife, Canary Islands, and he was born sometime in the latter half of the nineteenth century. Turns out, he was on the Black Rock. Turns out, the Black Rock, riding a single, mysteriously large wave, broke the gosh darn statue. This was such a great episode, one of the best of the season, if not the entire series. It answered a good amount of questions, both new and old. For instance, Richard doesn’t age because Jacob granted him a gift.

This episode, entitled Ab aeterno (which is a Latin adverb meaning ‘Since the Beginning of Time’) harkened back to the beginning of the series with the traditional flashbacks. This backstory of Richard’s could have made for a lengthy arch had this been season one or two. His life rivals Locke’s and Sawyer’s for saddest. First his wife is sick. Then he accidentally kills the damn doctor. Then his wife is dead. Then he is jailed. Then he is made a slave. Then the ship carrying him wrecks. Then he is tempted by the Devil, whoever the hell that may or may not be. There is a ton of biblical references in this one. The whole episode mirrors the story of Job, in which God and the Devil have a little wager on whether Job can be tempted. Richard is riddled with crises of faith and on top of that, he is tempted to change allegiance. This cannot happen. Richard can’t follow some One else! We’ve known Richard one way for so long. Every One has a story. And we have been waiting for this one since The Man Behind the curtain when we first started wrapping our heads around a dude that doesn’t age. In that episode, Ben says to Richard, “Remember birthdays?”

Did anyone notice the blue butterfly? The butterfly was definitely Jacob. He brought the rain. But he kept it out of Richard’s reach. Why? And the hog was definitely the Man in Black. So Jacob can’t bring people back from the dead. Dead is dead. Why? So Jacob can’t undo the sins of the past. Tabula rasa. But he can grant everlasting life. The Man in Black kept referring to the being which dwells in the foot of the statue as the devil. This sounds like something the Devil would say about God in order to get some confused and twisted angel to follow his word instead of the divine’s. The Devil will show up when you need something the most.

That was one hell of a baptism Jacob gave to Richard. It’s okay, Richard needed it. He is new on the Islando. His past sins do not matter anymore. His initial crises seemed averted until, in the modern timeology, his mentor is now dead. So he goes and digs up his wife’s cross necklace and starts calling for Locke/MiB, saying over and over again that he has changed his mind. Just then, Hurley walks up and we found out who he was talking to in Spanish when Jack interrupted earlier. He is communicating with Richard’s wife from beyond the grave. Hurley, an instrument of God? That scene ends with Hurley telling Richard one more thing. His wife said that he has to stop the Man in Black from leaving the Island. And then we see UnLocke standing atop a hill, looking down on Richard and Hurley. He has evil in his eye. The episode ends on a nice little conversation between Jacob and the OG MiB. The Man in Black says he just wants to leave. Jacob retorts by saying that as long as he himself is alive, he will never let MiB leave the Island.

From thriller to tear-jerker and then back to thriller. From Backgammon to Epistemological. From Archipelago to Anthropomorphized. Science vs. Faith. Good vs. Evil. Fire vs. Water. Life vs. Death. Nature vs. Nurture. Right vs. Wrong.

In the sandleford warren in the middle of the jungle of life…If one were to take their time and go back and research the names of all the episodes in the Lost chronology, one would be able to paint a pretty picture of funny finds in their minds of what is what and what are the signs and what is that and what is death devil disco from (in whispers) the beginning of time.

Let’s give one more round of applause to Nestor Carbonell for delivering a stunningly layered performance about a man so shrouded in mystery until now. Interesting facts about the dude who plays the dude who doesn’t age. He went to boarding school with his castmate, Matthew Fox. He has a B.A. in English from Harvard University.

Over and out.

http://www.ryanbuynak.com/

http://www.coyoteblood.blogspot.com/

The Lost Boys with R & R

“Trust me, God’s got nothing to do with it.”

-James “Sawyer” Ford

Sawyer episode! The Stylish Southern with droopy shoulders and puppy dog eyes returns! In the OG timeline, Sawyer is rollin’ with Locke, and in the new alternately alternate timeline Sawyer is an officer of the law! This episode was kinda like the Kate episode from earlier this season, where in it nothing much moves the mythology narrative, but it paints an exquisite character picture. And unlike the Kate episode, this one didn’t suck. Instead of becoming a conman, James Ford became a cop. In the OG timeline, Sawyer is told by UnLocke to sail across sometimes-there-and-sometimes-not bay to the other island. There he finds a lady named Zoe and a whole bunch of dead bodies. In the New timeline, Sawyer is a cop still harboring issues with the murder-suicide of his folks and the man who conned and caused it all.


Ryan likes to call the alternate timeline the ‘What If?’ timeline. Like what if Sawyer were a cop? Crazy. So Sawyer still went to Australia. Did he still kill that guy? Probably not. He totally bangs Charlotte in this episode! Charlotte finds Ford’s Sawyer file and he flips his lid. No wonder Sawyer and Jack never got along, they are both battling daddy demons.


Back in the original gangsta timeline, Kate says hi to Sayid, Sayid is not himself. Then, all of the sudden, Claire attacks Kate with a knife. The two struggle in a female death grip, while Sayid sits there doing nothing, and then UnLocke throws Claire off of Kate. Claire starts to whig out and then UnLocke slaps the sh*t outta her. What if Locke slapped Claire? Awesomeness to the max.


Did anyone notice that Sawyer’s hair is shorter? Did anyone notice Charlie’s brother is in the precinct looking about for word on Charlie? In this new life, Charlie is the addict and his bro may be the narrow one, the sober one. Sawyer blows it with Charlotte. Good! They aren’t meant for each other.


Back on the Island, UnLocke talks some shizzle on the beach with Kate. It isn’t until he mentions Aaron that he has our attention. Meanwhile, Sawyer is having a sit-down with Charles Widmore. This is a great counter scene to Kate’s convo with UnLocke, the banter between characters that we never expected to meet. But we still don’t know what Charles Wdimore, the mysterious mogul wants, or whether he is inherently good or evil. Ruben just got done reading Nietzsche’s Beyond Good and Evil. Ruben laughs differently now. And then the episode ends with James Ford apprehending Kate in the new timeline. We keep thinking that Kate will die soon. But how? We think she will try to kill UnLocke and she will die by his hand. Speaking of which, we keep wondering when we will find out UnLocke’s/MiB’s real name. We hope it is cool and not something boring like Scott or Glenn.

www.ryanbuynak.com

SIGHTINGS FROM LANALOGGERS - Tara from The Biggest Loser

Traci Calabrese writes

"I saw Tara from the biggest loser, like last season or something. not sure if you watch, but she should have won.  But at the last episode this really annoying old hag won.  Anyhow I saw her at LAX and snuck a secret photo of her in the security line, which I probably could have been arrested for taking photos in the security line, however, I deemed it necessary.  I've attached that photo and her biggest loser before and after promo photo.  As you can see she has kept the weight off, although perhaps gained a bit back, not much tho.  She was carrying a bag with 3 apples and some granola in it.  I would imagine she has to to keep her image up.  Later on I saw her at chilis, I was drinking a vodka soda, as my flight was delayed, and she was annoyingly ordering food with no oil and no this or that.  In any case, I couldn't contain myself and had to tell her she should have won.  she smiled and said thanks.  I realize it is not brad pitt, but figured all those biggest loser fans out there would appreciate to know she still thin."

I was hoping that Chili's story was going to go another way.

The Lost Boys (Sorry for the Delay) with Ryan and Ruben and Corey Haim

“This time is crazy…because we have been away for so long.”

                        -Ryan Buynak

Short and sweet and well traveled. The Lost Boys have been away a while…first, Austin, Texas for a Lost conference, where we presided over a discussion panel…and then Orlando to which we traveled for a Lost lab apron rare as rare can be, Dharma Initiative, type A survivor sh*t. And now a fellow Lost Boy, Corey Haim, is dead. Damn. R.I.P. C.H. and Dogen and Lennon.

We watched last-last week’s Sayid eppy while in a hotel in Austin, Texas. We laughed, we cried. We wondered to ourselves whether Sayid is a danger like our friend Vernon. And whether new sideways timeline Locke is really Locke. For some reason, this doubt struck out in our heads and tails.

Sayid is now evil. We guess. Right? Evil as can be. No? Was he always evil? He was a torturer, after all. In the sideways timeline Nadia, Sayid’s everlasting love, is with Sayid’s paternal bro? Whoa, bro! Austin, Texas is awesome! Lapidus! Keamy, the hired thug from the freighter in season five, is out and about in our flash sideways timeline, and apparently Sayid’s brother owe’s him dough. We think Keamy is still working for Widmore in this new timeline. This may explain why his thugs have Jin in a walk-in freezer. Jin is still working for Sun’s dad, Mr. Paik. Mr. Paik is in cahoots with Widmore! What the S? Kate is around and she is stupid. She finds Claire while Claire is crazy. This is like a riddle. The whole show is a riddle, of course. A riddle of crazy proportions with a biblical twist and Will-Smith-Independence-Day-like day-dreams. Three blind mice, maybe. Then all H breaks loose. Sayid is evil. He kills Dogen and Lennon. We see the Smoke Monster with people in its shadows. Human People rolling over Kate in its GoshDarn shadows! Who is part of Un-Locke’s army? Kate is not on a team but she is rollin’ with Un-Locke. Where is Saywer? Is he corruptible? We think not.

We watched last week’s Ben eppy while in an old friend’s old house in downtown Orlando, Florida. This, in Ruben’s eyes, with terrible tears, was the best eppy of the season. Ruben was moved by Michael Emerson’s Ben performance. Oscar worthy, he said, even though tv stars don’t win Oscars and neither should The Hurt Locker.

In the alternate sideways timeline Ilana is running things and Miles rats out Ben as killing Jacob. This explains Miles’ power(s). Jacob wanted to believe in Ben. In the fictional Bible, Ben and Jaob are brothers and they go on to lead different tribes if/of/or thirteen. Thus. Then. Ben tries to manipulate but can’t…not like he could in the prior scion timeline in which he is the king manipulator. He is still close to Alex…Alex Rousseau. Substitute Locke in the other timeline listens to Ben’s lowly history teacher rant (could Locke in this other alternate timeline still be the Man in Black?). On the Island, we have a crisis of faith and a restoration of everything. Richard runs into Jack and Hurley haunting through the jungle and leads them astray from the temple. Richard is Lost. Jack is f-ing crazy. Crazy awesome. Richard’s loss of faith is restored by Jack in the best scene this season, if not the entire series. The dynamite is burning down and Jack is coloring Richard Alpert with a live breakfast of fun in the midst of the Black Rock, saying things we have never heard Jack say before. This Alpert-Shepard scene was incredible! What we loved about this episode, just to let everyone know this episode was directed by Mario Van Peebles, yes, this episode, is that scene with Jack and Richard. Again, It was amazing! We even talked about-about it with an old toothless lady on the Southwest flight back to NYC. She said it was horsesh*t, but she was drunk. Ilana is like Michelle Rodriquez. Also, we liked that William Atherton was in this eppy, the evil guy from movies like Biodome, Ghostbusters, Real Genius, etc. And the cheesy end, with the parascope, and low and behold, Charles Widmore. He has been missing. In the narrative forever. We were wondering when he would resurface. Ha ha, get it? Resurface. We are glad to see him. Where does he fall in all this MIB-vs-Jacob mess? Is Widmore a candidate?

What does it all mean?

We shall see.

Don’t ever give up.

Over and out.

It's News But Not For Mensa Members (2/16)

Noticeably absent at Fashion Week is Lindsay Lohan, once a front-row “It” girl. Several designers “don’t think she’s worth all the press she’d get their show,” an industry insider said. The absence may have also been personal, as her ex-girlfriend, deejay Samantha Ronson, and Sam’s twin sister, designer Charlotte, practically run fashion week.
(Also, that "cigarette skin, alcohol drenched, Donna Versace look alike" look  is so 2009.)

One of Tiger Woods’s alleged former mistresses, porn star Joslyn James, is a liar and not to be trusted, says James’s stepmom. James, who told “Inside Edition” that she was twice-pregnant with Tiger Woods’s child, is “a bad person who only wants to be famous,” said stepmom Deborah Siwick.
(I don't mean to stereotype, but porn stars in general, seem like the kind of folk that would do ANYTHING for fame and money - but that's just me.)

Brittany Murphy’s widower, Simon Monjack, and her mother, Sharon Murphy, have decided to refund donations immediately following reports that the Brittany Murphy Foundation is not yet legally a charity.
(Just say it.  Simon Monjack and Sharon Murphy are doing it.)

A mystery man pulled out what appeared to be a switchblade knife and walked into the Gramercy Park Hotel Sunday, where Axl Rose was set to perform in an intimate Valentine’s Day concert. He was tackled by ex-Skid Row frontman Sebastian Bach. Guests including Mickey Rourke, Yigal Azrouel, Josh Lucas and Ryan Phillippe waited until well past 1:30 a.m. Sunday before Axl took the stage to perform his hits, including “Welcome to the Jungle” and “Sweet Child o’ Mine.”
(I just remembered why I loved Hair Bands and dated a guy with a feather earring in HS.  Bad a$$.)

Madonna will return to the big screen – only this time, from behind the camera. The singer will direct “W.E.,” a flick about the romance between King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson, with Oscar nominee Vera Farmiga rumored to snag the lead.
(MADONNA!  Stop trying to convince everyone you are from England.  Stop.)

Barbara Walters announced on “The View” yesterday that she will be ending her 29-year tradition of interviewing Oscar nominees for her annual TV special. “Been there, done that,” the TV host said. The last of the Oscar Specials will feature a retrospective of past interviews.
(Besides, it very hard to get the right camera angles and lighting for a walking corpse.)

Jenny McCarthy showed beau Jim Carrey just how much she cares with a high-flying valentine. “Just had sky writer come over our house and write J [heart] J in the sky,” she tweeted Sunday.
(Big deal.  I bet he would have preferred a BJ.)

Valentine's Day

Okay.  I am a loser.  I went on the Saturday before Valentine's Day to this mediocre rental of a movie.  However, It's not what you think!  I went with my gay husband instead of my real husband, which makes it less gay, but kinda gay because I went to a cheesy movie with a gay man.  Does that make sense?  And it wasn't really my gay husband, but my gay little brother, because I don't want to make out with him, but more like beat him up most of the time.  ANYWAY ... the movie was sort of terrible (the best acting was by Ashton Kutcher - if that says anything) ... the best part was when the whole audience of teens screamed over Taylor Swift (my date included) and one girl screamed "Oh my f-ing God" for Taylor Lautner.  Disturbing but interesting.

The Lost Boys (by Ryan and Ruben)

Throughout our 1500ish-year friendship, the Lost Boys have only disagreed over two things: the musical brilliance of Pearl Jam and this week’s episode of Lost. Ryan loves Pearl Jam, Ruben hates them. Ryan hated this week’s episode of Lost, Ruben loved it. Ryan is a man of science. Ruben is a man of faith.

Last week’s episode was titled “What Kate Did,” but let’s face the symphony, people, who gives a flying f-k what Kate does. We want answers, right? And, honestly, Kate doesn’t do much in this episode, except run in all sorts of directions.

To the basics. So Sayid is back from the dead, but is he really Sayid? Did anyone see how Miles looked at him? Apparently, our two new characters don’t think so. Speaking of our two new characters, let’s talk about them. The white dude with the spectacles is called Lennon and the Asian dude is called Dogen. Lennon seems like an obvious reference to a Beatle. Dogen, however, upon further research from our cool bearded friend, Brian Lufkin, is the name of a prominent Japanese Buddhist philosopher. He wrote extensively on time and being and for much of his life he was the head of a monastery temple. The producers have hinted that Dogen holds an important key or secret to the entire series.

Lennon and Dogen tell Jack that Sayid is infected, a revival of the sickness mystery. The “sickness” is a real thing, but what is it? Apparently, Jack’s sister has it, too. But how did Dogen know of Jack and Claire’s relationship. Speaking of Claire, let’s talk about her. She goes to give up her baby, but the adoptive mother is unresponsive and then Claire goes into labor. Of course. Let’s top that off with a cameo by The Lost Boys’ favorite creepy Other, Ethan, playing a doctor. But he introduces himself not as we know him, Ethan Romm, but as Ethan Goodspeed. This confuses us in so many ways. Is he a real doctor in this new sideways timeline? Is he an Other? Why the name change? Also, has anyone noticed that they changed the signature SWOOSH sound effect that used to mark the transisition between timelines to more of a mechanic shutter sound? Weird.

This episode didn’t give us much: a whiny Sawyer, Jack with attention deficit disorder, Kate running. That mumbo jumbo makes Ryan frustrated because there are few precious hours of Lost left, and they are filling them with nonsense. Ruben holds on to the hope that they will somehow explain everything. One redeeming value in this week’s episode, something both Lost Boys agreed on, was having Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia back playing Aldo the Other. But then he is shot by Claire. In the words of Hurley, are Sayid and Claire some sort of Zombies?

What if Lost changed themes altogether and the show became a Zombie musical starring William Mapother? Amazing. Hopefully next week will be better and might include Zombie musical numbers. That would be easier to swallow than stupid Kate and crying Sawyer. Over and out.

It's News: but not for mensa members 11/17

Barron Hilton had “Burglar Bunch” ringleader Nicholas Prugo kicked out of West Hollywood hot spot Voyeur on Saturday night.
(To which Nicholas responded: "Barron who? Do you mean Donald's son? Isn't he like 3?")

A Beverly Hills company is formulating a line of “Antiquity” fragrances based on the DNA of dead celebrities including Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson and Albert Einstein.
(Oh honey. Is that rotting corpse you're wearing?)

Janet Jackson told Robin Roberts she believes Dr. Conrad Murray is “responsible” for brother Michael Jackson’s death. Murray, meanwhile, narrowly avoided jail yesterday by striking a last-minute child support deal with the mother of his 11-year-old son.
(And to think I get stressed about meeting some stupid work deadline. This guy’s got “Killed Michael Jackson” and “Go to jail for being a deadbeat dad” on his plate.)


Mischa Barton has been on her best behavior since she was spotted “looking wobbly” at a Halloween party. The actress has been seen out drinking around NYC - but word is she’s had complete control of herself.
(Two weeks of complete control? Wow? )

T.I. will marry longtime girlfriend Tameka (Tiny) Cottle when he’s sprung from jail.
(It’s so romantic to be proposed to from jail. You know it’s coming from the heart and not the disillusionment of being pent up in a cell surrounded by thuggy men.)

Tonight on Sirius - Lana from The LANALOGUE

I will be on the Derek and Romaine show on Sirius XM Satellite Radio tonight at 8:05 pm talking about the lanalogue and other funny stuff. Channel OutQ, Sirius 109 and XM 98. Please call in questions 866-305-6887. For those who don't subscribe ...to Sirius, a free online trial is available at http://www.sirius.com/outq - look for the free online trial link. Hope to hear from you!

To sign up for The LANALOGUE newsletter - email me at lanalogue.com

It's News But Not For Mensa Members (10/20)

Talk about bad timing! Just days after being arrested on suspicion of drunk driving in Hollywood, Stephanie Pratt will appear on The Hills, confronting Heidi Montag about her sister Holly’s “out of control” drinking.
(On the Hills (or any of these shows for that matter) there is no such thing as good or bad, there's just timing.)

Jon Gosselin was in the audience at Sunday night’s “Values to Heal America” event at Central Synagogue, where he took to the microphone to ask the panel members how he could instill values in his children despite his ugly divorce. Panelist Newark Mayor Cory Booker told him “he needed to be a shining example of righteous behavior,” panelist Dr. Oz told him “he needs to respect other people” and panelist Elie Wiesel said he “needed to make sure he didn’t get carried away with fame.”
(His 'fresh from the rack' urban outfitter shirts are pretty 'righteous.' Does that count?)

Britney Spear’s body “looked better than it has in years” on the set of her new video “3,” stylist GK Reid tells The Post. The energized singer munched on sushi “instead of junk food, and even sang live with the words.”
(Since when is it news that a person who makes their living as a singer "actually sings live with the words?" And by the way, what was she supposed to sing with, those funny noises the guy from the Police Academy movies makes? Not to mention, is someone who's being paid by Britney Spears a reliable source for Britney Spears information?)

Lindsay Lohan and Balthazar Getty were “all over each other” last week at L.A. spot Voyeur.
(Do you think she just hires a mobile STD clinic to follow here around? BTW does anyone know what it's like to kiss fake lips? I've always wondered that.)

Russell Brand and Katy Perry were photographed smooching outside a party in the Hollywood Hills.
(Hopefully they can get a blown up copy for themselves to hang on the wall with that romantic, blurry effect that's required on every Long Island wedding photo.)

Criminal charges would be filed next week against the parents of the “Balloon Boy” hoax. Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden said last night that the couple “could probably avoid prison” even if convicted of conspiracy and contributing to the delinquency of a minor – but that they could be slapped with $2 million in fines by the FAA. Meanwhile, Richard Heene’s friends and associates have come forward to tell cops about his wacky ideas, as well as to provide information about his long-buried criminal past (he was jailed for 30 days in 1997 for vandalism) and to suggest domestic abuse. In other news, Sheriff's officials interviewed Heene’s associate Robert Thomas on Sunday, after he revealed that Heene was planning a media stunt to promote the show.
(Funny thing is, if this guy worked for an advertising agency or PR firm, he'd probably be revered as a genius. Fortunately for the real geniuses back here in NY, he's just some a$$hole from Colorado.)

KCo's Corner (by KCo)

The Rachael Zoe Project

We are in Paris with everyone on Team Zoe except Taylor? I mean why couldn’t Taylor have gone. Rachael brought her hair guy, her assistant, Brad, hell even Rodger went. But I suppose he had to leave Taylor in case there is a fashion emergency in LA. I mean all anyone has to do is walk into a Koo Koo Roo to find some aging actress in sweatpants and UGGS. Now that’s a real fashion emergency.I mean leaving Taylor certainly wasn’t a cost cutting measure since everyone is staying in the George V.

So we see Brad fulfilling his dreams by going to virtually every fashion show in Paris – Ungaro, McCartney, Galliano, Chanel…meanwhile Rodger is out sightseeing with the hair guy. How romantic.

Brad isn’t the only one on Team Zoe with a fashion make a wish moment. Rachael gets a private tour of Coco Chanel’s apartment. A beyond out of control moment.

And what does Taylor get for staying home? A Hermes bracelet….I’m not sure that will suffice but its better when I get left home from a business tripJ I just get everybody else’s work.

Ok so now we are caught up and ready for the Zoe finale…so exciting!

We kick it off with Brad in short shorts…not a good look on anyone I’ve determined.

Rachael gets a job with V Magazine styling a Xanadu shoot. Of course, Brad find much of what he needs for this 80’s moment in American Apparel.

Taylor is still pissed from the Paris incident and is at her breaking point. She finally confronts Rachael after complaining to mommy and daddy….god her mother is really freakish with a totally age inappropriate outfit and hairstyle…

Rachael seems ready to let Taylor go but her vertigo gets the best of her and she decides that she needs help. So Rodger becomes the new boss and Taylor finally gets her promotion to the Head of Product Development for Rachael Zoe Inc.

Totally anti-climatic…..


Flipping Out

Ok if you haven’t seen Jenni’s rap on Watch What Happens Live you need to check it out…she’s hilarious. And as Jeff says “if you entertain me, that’s job security”. And Jenni sure does that especially in this episode as we are introduced to her alter ego and Jeff’s favorite employee, Deb.

Jenni channels Deb when it’s time to get tough. Deb is basically a tough talking lonely lesbian. Deb scares the shit out of people and is a total straight shooter. She gets the contractors on track and the bills paid.

Jeff employs one of two tactics when times get tough 1) Deb 2) The Smock. Deb is reserved for those outside the office and The Smock is used for bad behavior in the office. So Jeff’s new assistant has to wear The Smock after she takes the company credit card and forgets to give it back to Jeff. The Smock looks like a hazmat suit that white gauzy shapeless bodysuit. So she’s forced to wear it all day at Starbuck’s and the job sites. Sexy.

So this past week’s episode was a bit different than usual. Jeff is finishing up Chazz’s salon and he ends up having to deal with the homeless woman who has been living outside of the building for over a decade. In Jeff’s usually callous style, he is convinced that she is defacating outside and wants to move her to a shelter asap. Ok he’s probably right but there’s a story about her – her name is Spirit and Chazz is very attached and protective about her. But Jeff tells us that he only has three fears in life – 1) Drag Queens 2) Clowns and 3) Homeless people.

And poor Zoila…Jeff thinks that she is slacking so what does Jeff do? He buys a Roomba. Zoila is devastated by this and to make matters worse Jett makes a joke about the Roomba replacing her. Zoila starts to cry and is really upset. But in the end Jeff defends her and gets rid of the Roomba mostly because the dogs were freaked out as well.

And then to make matters more depressing…we find out that Spirit died in the middle of the night. Spirits passing makes Jeff realize that life is short and precious so he ends up calling Ryan.

Season finale on Tuesday so we will see if they make amends…

My Advice to Christian Siriano

I recently met Christian Sirano, last year's winner from Project Runway. I figured he would welcome a little unsolicited advice (because everyone loves that every once in a while):

1) Be nice. You have been famous for a hot minute and people who don't watch Project Runway, don't know you (and even people who do, can't remember who won from seasons 1-4).
2) Get a new haircut. That Kate Gosselin look you are rollin' with has gots-to-go.
3) Don't ever do that pose again. Ever.

That's it. Bye.

5 Dumbest Celeb Monday Tweets (and it Ain't Even 9:30AM)

Lisa_Veronica Sooo.... I just had a ghost experience in my hotel suite.. Thank goodness we are leaving!!!! Freaked.out.about 2 hours ago

(Hey Lisa! I know who you should call.)

LizzieGrubman Good morning!about 2 hours ago

(There's something about her pic, combined with that tweet ...)

AhmetZappa Sunday was a jam packed fun filled movie day and boy oh boy did I get a lot of mega cute dog kisses. I'm sorry that monday is here again.about 4 hours ago
(and we're sorry you're tweeting)

ParisHilton Going to bed. Tweet dreams Everyone! xoxo Parisabout 4 hours ago

(Another clever catchphrase from Paris)

iamdiddy Every party was sold out this weekend thanks to you Guys! I love you Atl! Dirty money loves you!Till next time!about 5 hours ago

(Well, now that I know Dirty Money loves me ... I can get on with my Monday)

KCO's Corner (posted by KCo)

The Rachael Zoe Project

I have to admit that she’s growing on me. She’s weakened me because I’ve realized that I could really use her right now since I have no idea what to wear and can’t remember what I wore this time last year. So I’d like Rachael to pop into my closet and help sort things out. If not Rachael then can I at least wish for California Closets so I can see what I own? Is that too much to ask?
Last weeks episode, we go with Rachael to a Piperlime shoot. I have to say I didn’t know they had clothes so I got a bit distracted and decided to online shop with watching. Cute stuff!
Rachael also is working with Ashton on a webisode called Blah Girls, an animated series. She is charged with styling the Blah Girls for their prom. It’s really cute and Rachael is filmed live action style talking to the Blah Girls on a green screen. The Ashton guest appearance was the best part of this show since he’s on my “list”. Why do I still love him? He really is famous for nothing other than marrying Demi Moore. And I love how he and Demi call Rachael to thank her for her work on Blah Girls which turns into a conversation on how much they love the Real Housewives of Atlanta. How cute!
The episode ends with Rachael doubled over in pain and heads to bed sick. It’s too bad that Taylor had been circling her all day to have a conversation about her career. She looks like she’s actually about to have the conversation when Zoe bursts out that Taylor is her precious jewel and that if Zoe had children that she would leave them to Taylor if she died. Ok that was upbeat and Taylor would be the last person she should leave a child filled with hope with. How old is Zoe? I think her baby days are over.
With this past week's eppy we have one more episode until the season finale and I think I’m ready. I’ve had enough. The only thing that I’m holding onto is the latest storyline where were suppose to believe that she is deathly ill. I was more worried that she might be pregnant since she is the world’s oldest thirty something year old. But no not pregnant and not on death watch but she has f’in vertigo. Really? Isn’t that a made up disease? Bravo couldn’t come up with something better than that?
I really enjoyed watching Rachel pulled together what looked like an amazing auction supporting Ovarian Cancer. Her jewelry collection is bananas! Unbelievable…
Lastly what’s up with Brad and Taylor …not much except a passive aggressive fight about who goes to Paris Fashion Week. Taylor really doesn’t want to go anyways since she is a shut in and Brad has to go since it’s his gay boy dream. Brad wins since Rachel who hates confrontation makes Taylor make the decision and she decides to let Brad go – I’m sure she won’t hold that over his head.


Flipping Out

I love how immature Jeff is. When faced with two paint colors, he simply can’t keep it together especially with a name like Pearl Necklace.
Ryan is acting really strange and its putting a wedge in their relationship. So Jeff decides to spend time with Chloe (Ryan’s daughter) by taking her out to lunch. He may be in the running with Taylor for the worst guardian. After all , he taught Chloe lots of questionable tricks like answering “What’s your favorite drink?” with “Chardonnay” – she’s only two people (it is funny). He also taught her to lift up her shirt and yell “Girls Gone Wild”.
Then in a weird moment of deep thoughts, Jeff actually admits why he feels a special connection to Chloe. Basically if he hadn’t messed up his relationship with Ryan – Chloe could have been his?
Jeff’s intern, Trace, comes to work in very short shorts which is highly disturbing to Jeff. Jeff sends him home because he didn’t want to see the outline of his dick all day. NICE! Or he could send Trace to West Hollywood to run errands all day.
The biggest shocker comes when Jeff decides to snoop around on Ryan and discovers that Ryan is buying Jeff’s name on Google Search to capitalize on Jeff’s fame. Totally sketch. More to come next week when we witness the big smackdown.
As much as I love Jeff Lewis and those luscious lips, truly nothing happened in this past week's episode (and not the nothing in early Seinfeld episodes I mean truly nothing). Ryan decides to move to Santa Barbara – big whoop! Then Jeff confronts Ryan about all of the things he’s discovered about his sketchy ways. Really?