Reality Bites (by jill b) - Special Bachelor Edition

The Bachelor
Since I have an unreal obsession with this show and am traveling for work this week, I downloaded this show on iTunes and stayed up way too late to watch it last night. This season finally really lived up to the hype! It certainly was shocking - especially the After the Rose show.
I guess I was half right - I picked Melissa. But I'm still a little shocked at what happened. I read on one blog that this was all a set up - but I'm not sure I buy that. Would Jason really cry like that on TV if he wasn't torn about his decision? I think Melissa was right - he was not willing to work through their relationship and he wasn't willing to fight with her - BECAUSE he is still in LUST with Molly! How many times is he going to tell her that her eyes are amazing? Ugh! Flattering - but enough already! He should have picked Molly from the beginning if he was that torn up about it. It was interesting that Molly kept saying that she thought he was making a big mistake.
Not sure what to think about Molly taking him back - on one hand, if she genuinely fell in love for him, then it stands to reason that 6 weeks later she would be willing to give him another chance. But does he deserve another chance? What happened to being devastated by the breakup. When she was with his family, I cannot believe that his mother intimated that because her career was important to her that should would not be focused on family. OH PLEASE! I know lots of women who do both and do it well - and thought that was pretty poor coming from another woman. She is obviously living in the '50s and if that is what Jason wants, he should have asked for 25 June Cleavers.
I really want to say he is a jerk - not because he broke up with Melissa but because he chose to do it on TV on the ATR show. Clearly this show doesn't always produce a match made in heaven but this could have been handled much differently. He very easily could have done it before and gone on with her already broken up then made his play for Molly. Why he thought that this was the best forum to break up with your fiancee is beyond me. Melissa certainly had an idea that things weren't going well and I thought she handled herself very well - I would have wanted to call him way more than a "bastard" if I was her!
Deanna - what a waste of airfare to NZ! That was a build up all season and a big let down for 10 minutes of drama. Jason was not pleased to see her but I wonder if her advice to not pick "the fun one" like she did led him away from Molly.
Oh and by the way, Jillian is the new Bachelorette! If you want a chance to meet Jillian, here are the casting events http://thebachelor.warnerbros.com/open_calls.html
Check out this recap/commentary http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20262579,00.html?xid=email-whattowatch-lastnight-%27The+Bachelor%27+recap%3A+This+is+%28not%29+your+wife
and Chris Harrison's blog
http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/03/chris-harrison.html
http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2009/03/chris-harriso-1.html

Fired up about The Bachelor? Want to see your name in lights? Email your comments to lanalogue@gmail.com

The LANALOGUE: Uncle Donny's House

Our latest video creation featuring Nick and his father, Uncle Donny. It's called The LANALOGUE: Uncle Donny's House. And Yes. That is really how Uncle Donny is, all the time. Please note, he always wears sunglasses, even indoors, at night. We hope you enjoy watching it, as much as we enjoyed filming it Let the mayhem ensue.
Special thanks to our lovely, creative and highly talented Editor, LANALOGGER Suzanne Friedman, who caught the essence of Uncle Donny right off the bat. We are truly grateful. For more info on Suzanne (or if you want to give her props) - email us at lanalogue@gmail.com. Also, check out The LANALOGUE Live! our last video, under our January posts.

My Favorite News Clipping of the Week

My favorite News Clipping this week is that Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green broke up. That is so cliche, typical Hollywood, I love it. It makes me want to move to LA. Take our Poll to see who you think is Megan Fox-worthy. For the full story go to www.people.com

d) None of the above? Email your picks to lanalogue@gmail.com

The LANALOGUE Live!

In case you missed The LANALOGUE Live! Here it is again.

HerOeD (by nick)

Cold Wars

So last night was Christmas 1996 and I didn’t get the Nintendo 64. Was “Cold Wars” a good episode? Yea, I guess… I will say I was totally into it while watching. After my mental recall though… was it what it could have or should have been? No, definitely not. The facts that Nathan had been the person who initiated what made them all fugitives and that Mr. Bennet was heavily involved, were not revelations. Most viewers also already knew that The Hunter is very dedicated to his mission and has doubted Mr. Bennet’s loyalty. New information to Peter, Mohinder and Parkman consisted of who The Hunter is, the fact that he is superior to Mr. Bennet in rank, and that Bennet had some words with Mohinder in an effort to warn them. The push/shove/throw match between Parkman and Mohinder was awkward and left me not surprised that Bennet escaped in the midst of it, however, I was surprised that his escape was completely meaningless due to being recaptured by Peter only seconds later. If it were anyone else it wouldn’t have been a let down, but this was Mr. Bennet’s mind, “The Man’s” mind. Mr. Bennet has bagged and tagged their kind for twenty years and all we as viewers really learned from diving into his brain was that he got a Rolex from Mrs. Petrelli and that he prefers Crosswords puzzles over Sudoku. Oh, we also learned Daphne is still alive but umm yea; hate to say I told you so.

It is beginning to bother me that Nathan is pretty much just a puppet character that the writers use very differently as a device in each volume. First Nathan was in denial of his own power and was trying to make Peter think he was crazy for believing he had one, hoping to keep it a secret so his career wouldn’t be affected. Next Nathan decides he wants to tell the world in a press conference that he can fly. Suddenly, due to being shot by Future Peter, he changes his mind and wants to keep this all a secret but plans to create an army of those with abilities to use throughout the world. Now on “Fugitives” he is obsessed with smothering out every last ability and is even considering a mass genocide for those with abilities. I feel like saying “Dude, make up your mind”. The other terrifying thought I’m having is the return of “Villain’s” Evil Mohinder. The government now has Mr. Thousand-Times-Benedict-Arnold in their possession and I can see him working happily alongside Nathan in no time. In the end we got to see that Mr. Bennet is still awesome and can say the words “morally gray” just as cool as when he said it in season one. It will be interesting to watch now fully knowing he is secretly against Nathan and The Hunter.

Overall 6.5 outta 10

Questions/comments for Nick? Email us at lanalogue.com

The Lost Boys (with ryan buynak and esteban ruben roman) Please see below photo of Ryan with Matt Damon. Can you guess which one is Ryan?

Lost Heroin.

Not only was Ben present when Locke died…Ben murdered Locke! OMG! We didn’t see that whopper of a plot changer coming!

I know we say this every week, but this week we mean it: This week’s episode of Lost, titled The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham, was the best episode of the season, maybe of the whole damn series. Okay, at least top five. The Constant was the best episode of the damn series. But this one is up there.

This episode was like a Tarantino-verison of Lost. And like, Pulp Fiction, the story seems to jump back and forth. It starts on the Island with a resurrected Locke, and then the episode jumps with Locke into the Tunisian desert (2007) and goes along for Jeremy Bentham’s wild ride, and ends back on the Island, in god-knows-what time(s) with the actor who plays every evil muslim dude in the movies showing Locke Ben’s unconscious body.

Widmore gives Locke a few lines about the Island’s inhabitants used to be his people, but when we saw him, at seventeen, he seemed like a grunt doing grunt work. No? Widmore also talks about the fantastic possibility of time, and how Locke is special, and how Ben is the bad one, not him. Widmore is the one who gives Locke the name of Jeremy Bentham. Then comes Abaddon, the Metatron for Widmore, to chaufuer Bentham around like George Carlin in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

Bentham visits Sayid in the Republica Dominicana, who is building houses, probably out of bones, who also says that he was done being manipulated by Ben. Bentham visits Walt in New York. Imagine being Walt, a teenager in New York, you come out of school and see John Locke across Lexington. Walt didn’t seem surprised to see him, actually, Locke mentions this fact. Walt then mentions a dream he had of Locke on the Island in a suit. Bentham visits Hurley in the asylum. It was so funny that Hurley thought Locke was dead. So much damn foreshadowing. Bentham visits Kate, and she gives him some BS about love, like she knows what that is. She is a floozy with eyes for Sawyer and Jack. When Kate was reciting the diatribe, Ruben spit at the television for some reason that he never mentioned aloud. Bentham visits his old girlfriend’s grave (did she really die from a brain aneurism?). Bentham visits Jack, inadvertently. He runs from whomever killed Abaddon, and gets into a serious car accident and ends up in Jack’s hospital. Then after Jack verbally abuses him, Bentham goes and purchases an extension cord with which to hang himself.

Either Ben is evil or he is not. He is either manipulating everyone for his own egotistic benefit or he is doing for the Island. Ben popped a few bullets into Abaddon, did Ben also kill Nadia, Sayid’s special lady friend? In every scene with Ben, he has this look in his eyes like he is a conniving vulture. When Locke tells him about Jin, he squints and you can see the lightbulb going on inside his head. And then after talking Locke down from the ledge, Ben seems alright at first, until Locke mentions Eloise Hawking, then Ben goes crazy and strangles Locke to death. He makes it look like a suicide.

It’s hard to make sense of it all. Ruben still thinks Ben is good at heart. Ryan now thinks like he thought in the beginning when Ben was Henry Gale, that Ben is evil, like Satan. But does that make Widdmore good? If in fact it was Ben that shot Abaddon to “save Locke,” then why did Ben kill Locke? Ryan cannot for the life of him wrap his head around any benevolent reason for Ben’s doings.

In a few huge sidenotes, leftover morsels needing to be discussed…

The plane is on ground, seemingly intact. As Cesar and Ilana comb the Hydra station, we are left to assume that they are in a different timeline(s) than that of Jin and Volkswagon Bus DHARMA. Also, what Island was Locke looking at when he was on the beach talking to Sayid captor, Ilana? Was John and company on the smaller Island adjacent to the main Island, Jacob’s Island? Since everyone seems to be alright, and the plane in one piece, did Frank LAPIDUS put her down nice and safe? Ilana said that the pilot and some lady ran off with the other outrigger, which, by the way, was already there when they got there.

We shall call them, the other folks whom we don’t quite know yet, the Newbies. What timeline(s) are resurrected Locke and the Newbies in?

That should be the name of a punk rock band: Resurrected Locke and the Newbies!

That’s all we got this week, folks. Between this week’s episode and last week’s, the Lost Boys are tuckered out. We may have miss some things, but who cares, right? All of us out there, in Lanalogue cyberspace land, know that this mere television is like a 100-meter dash multiplied by 108 days.

Take that, Quentin.

Questions/comments for The Lost Boys? Email us at lanalogue.com

It's News: but not for mensa members 2/24

The NY Post said today that they heard that Gwyneth Paltrow and hubby Chris Martin have become so close to Jay-Z and Beyoncé that Paltrow’s kids now call the rapper “Uncle Jay.”
No offense to Jay, but my kids call our cleaning lady ‘Aunt Ethel’

Simon Cowell said recently that he plans on having his body cryogenically frozen because he “would be doing the nation an invaluable service” if he returned from the dead.
He only said that to get people to talk about….doh.

Star Jones couldn’t stop telling guests during an Oscar-viewing party at 1Oak how much she and boyfriend Herb Wilson are “into each other.”
Herb Wilson couldn’t start telling guests anything before being interrupted by Star Jones.

Sienna Miller was seen exiting the men’s room during Montblanc’s/UNICEF dinner in Hollywood followed by a “short, straggly haired gent.”
It won’t be too far down the grapevine till this turns into “Sienna Miller f&cked a homeless midget on a toilet.”

RadarOnline.com yesterday posted an interview videotaped last week in which Nadya Suleman tells her mother she had no choice but to use the embryos that were implanted in her because they would have been destroyed otherwise. Meanwhile, an ex-boyfriend of Octomom wants a DNA test to determine paternity of her 14 children after donating sperm at her request several years ago.
Say what you will about this whole thing, but now there’s a woman among us named “Octomom.” So cool.

Reality Bites (posted by jill b)

Survivor: Tocantins
Candice was the Omarosa of the season - good blindside vote this week. I like Taj - seems smart and can go far - but was it a mistake telling people who her husband is (Eddie George)? I, like Stephen, had no idea who Eddie George is.
Sober House
Seth has a cardiac arrest then runs out of the hospital and jumps a wall - really?? Is that even possible?
Real Housewives of NY
Just watching Jill and Bethanny and the NYers until the New Jersz ladies start in May! The NJ Housewives are going to be AWESOME!!!
The Bachelor
On the Women Tell All show, editing certainly makes it look like Jason picks Melissa. All he says about Molly is that he likes her eyes - he says that over and over again and really nothing else. The visits with Jason's family look rough on the girls next week - I guess it is kind of like sorority hazing - we are going to torture you and then welcome you into the clan. All the speculation around who he picks is amplified by the "closed set" After the Rose show. Is this because he disses both Molly and Melissa and goes back to Deanna? Maybe Melissa's parents come on to meet Jason (which I thought of myself before reading the blog below)? Could there be an actual wedding? Maybe Ty is there and they don't want a big audience to scare him? Its seems like he does pick someone so I don't think that he rejects them both . . . I cannot believe I am so sucked it to all of this - and I cannot believe I have to wait a week to see what happens! http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20261033,00.html?xid=email-whattowatch-lastnight-%27The+Bachelor%27+recap%3A+Sex%2C+lies%2C+and+videotape What do you think of Jillian as the next Bachelorette????
Amazing Race and The Real World Brooklyn
Still have to catch up - is anyone watching????

Want to see your name in dim lights? Email comments to lanalogue@gmail.com

Something Awesome in NYC

Want to show your friends how cool you are? Be like
"So, you wanna check out this cool show with me?"
And they'll be like
"What show?"
and you'll be like
"Oh this UCB show called The Matt & Katina Show."
And they'll be like
"What's UCB and who are Matt & Katina?"
and you'll be like
"Upright Citizen's Brigade. Duh. It's like where SNL scouts all it's talent from and Matt & Katina are the next new thing."
and they'll be like
"Oh yeah. I knew that. When?"
And you'll be like
"Next Monday."
and they'll be like
"How do you know about cool stuff that happens on a Monday night?"
and you'll be like
"From the The LANALOGUE."
and they'll be like
"What's that?"
and you'll be like
"Don't worry about it."

New Rihanna/Chris Brown Theory/Gossip

An Anoymous LANALOGGER writes

"My mom heard in the nail salon on Saturday that the night Rihanna got beat up Chris Brown had another girlfriend with him and the girlfriend was the phone who beat up Rihanna."

Is this person's mom right? Email me at lanalogue@gmail.com

Os -yawn - cars

Does anyone watch the Oscars from start to finish? Are people riveted to their screens waiting to see who will win for Best Original Score in an Animated Short? Did anyone get super pumped and start dancing along with Hugh Jackman?
Below is my list of Hates and Sort of Likes for the 2009 Oscars.

Sort of Likes
1) Robert Pattinson looking like a hot vampire, leading me to believe that maybe he is one.
2) Tina Fey and Steve Martin ripping on Scientology to a room full of Scientologists.
3) Ben Stiller's portrayal of Joaquin Phoenix.
4) Jennifer Aniston looking slightly miserable due to the over powering presence that is Brangelina (I like Jennifer, but anything that entertained me during this snoozefest, I sort of liked).
5) Sean Penn not thanking his wife.

Hates
1) How very serious all the actors took themselves, like they just figured out the solution to the financial crisis and saved the world.
2) All the past Oscar winners saying something very long and boring about the nominees. What does Nicole Kidman have to do with Angelina Jolie and why would I give a sh&t what she has to say about her?
3) Heath Ledger winning the Oscar. Come on people, would he have won if he was alive?
4) No upsets. How great would it have been if Richard Jenkins won for Best Actor?
5) Beyonce.

The LANALOGUE 2/20

A new LANALOGUE went out this week - which included The Lost Boys, Views of The Week and a Kyra Sedgewick sighting. To know about All Things Awesome every Friday - email me @ lanalogue@gmail.com.

Microsexuals

If you haven't checked out www.microsexuals.com yet, we think you should. Microsexuals are also available for hire. Adult birthday parties only.

The C(sh)ity

Naivety. A new fragrance from Calvin Klein. Worn by Dumb Model #1 regularly.

The Lost Boys (posted by Ryan Buynak & Ruben Roman)

How about Lost this week, eh, folks? The Lost Boys think this week's eppy, entitled "316", was the best episode of the season thus far. It was like a ride at DisneyWorld's Magic Kingdom. We had some help this week from Ryan's friend Chris, who is not as stupid as people think, and from a man called B-Luv. Here are some of our crazy thoughts.

Ben took off to kill Penny before going to the airport. He had a run in with Desmond and that's why Ben was so beaten up. That might also lead Desmond back to the Island.

Who arrested Sayid, and why are they taking him to Guam? Is that chick cop in cahoots with Ben, like the lawyer and the butcher? And the cop and the Indian and the sailor. Ben Linus was in the Village People.

All of them ended up on the plane!!! No plane crash this time? Were they just yanked from the plane in one of those flashes, maybe while they were over the Island? Or do you think that there was a crash?

Lapidus is back! That's crazzzyyyy. We love Lapidus. And we love shouting his name while walking down Lexington: "LAPIDUS!"

He looked good, all clean-shaven. However, we miss his mustache.

Speaking of Lapidus, how did he end up at the pilot of that plane?

We think Charlie told Hurley to go back, hence the guitar.

What the hell happened to Aaron? And what the hell is wrong with Kate, always slutting it up when she's sad?

Ms. Hawking and Widmore, former lovers, now enemies? Or are they partners and using Ben? Or is it Ben and Ms. Hawking versus Widmore?

Did you folks see the look on Ben's face when Hawking, in front of Jack and Sun, basically called him a liar? He gave her the crazy eyes.

Jack is starting to have faith. He took the fact that he found his father's shoes as a sign. He is trying to believe. This entire eppy was about believing, hence the title "316".

This week's episode was top-notch, indeed. How about that Bentham's suicide note, eh? Do you think we will see Locke come back to life? Ruben thinks he will come back to life on the Island, which, judging from Jin's DHARMA van, is in the '70s. There were two amazing scenes in this eppy: the one with Ben and Jack in the church, where Ben is telling Jack about Thomas the Apostle…and the scene where Jack is putting shoes on Bentham's feet, three cheers for that humdinger!

How about the trailer for next week's episode, eh? Holy cow! Did anyone catch the shot of Bentham about to hang himself…with Ben kneeling in the room with him? Holy cow!

Lake Jessup.