Are You The Loser Or Is He?

Last night I went to a private party for Rachel Greenwald's new book "Why He Didn't Call You Back". The event was held at the Tori Burch store in NYC. It was quite clever. The guest list/attendees consisted of: successful, single, good looking, NYC women, all of which who could afford Tori Burch clothes and me. You could get a 20% discount on everything in the store, while you listened to Rachel talk about Why He Didn't Call You Back. At the end of the night, a young woman walking out of the store yelled to Rachel "Bye Rachel! I just spent $1,000 on clothes, I don't need." I almost robbed her.
Anyway ... back to the book. Rachel is a NY Times Best Selling Author, who knows all about dating. Her success rate with set-ups is like 700 marriages - or something crazy like that. For this book, she interviewed 1,000 men. Can you believe that? 1,000 men - to ask them why they don't call women back (I would have stabbed my eyeballs out). She found that while there was the occasional jerk, they all pretty much had the same reasons for not calling you back. Here are few in my own words:

1. The woman was coming from work and was in work mode. He would rather hire her than date her.
2. She was used to being the boss at work and was very argumentative on the date and it stressed him out.
3. She complained about how stressful her day was.
4. She was a negative person in general.
5. She slept with him on the first date like a total slut.

I made the last one up.
Anyway, there were a few more and I was like geez, these guys are picky, but it kind of made sense. Would I want I guy who acted like that? Probably not (although #2 could be fun from a role playing perspective).
Anyway, Rachel, was honest, positive and smart. She fielded questions like:
"Why doesn't he like me?"
"Where can I find a man?"
"How can I get him to give me a second chance?"
Questions, that I thought "How could she possibly know the answer as to why a random guy wouldn't like this random stranger?" - but she answered all these women and all of her answers made sense! It made me wish I brought all my single friends to the event.
I have been reading the book and I highly recommend it. I've been quoting it all day - which is kind of random. I also recommend, that if you are single, you take the cover off, so guys won't see that you are reading it.
Also check out www.whyhedidntcallyouback.

com

It's News: but not for mensa members 4/8

Scarlett Johansson has shed 14 pounds thanks to Gwyneth Paltrow, who’s lent her own personal fitness guru, Tracy Anderson.
It’s good to see Scarlett taking advantage of the low interest rates on fitness gurus.

Kate Moss is penning a cookbook after being inspired by good friend and kosher chef Stasha Palos.
Cocaine has a way of making anything taste good.

Tom Cruise is considering remaking “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” with pal and fellow Scientologist John Travolta. Cruise reportedly claims film legend Paul Newman gave him his blessing to remake the film before he died.
I was going to make fun of this until I realized it might actually be kind of cool.

Miley Cyrus may be the queen of teens, but she’s not a good influence on them, according to a survey on PopEater.com. 32 percent of those surveyed said Cyrus was their favorite teen idol, but only 10 percent think she’s the best role model. The Jonas Brothers and Britney Spears followed Miley. Taylor Swift took top honors best role model for young people. A total 57,000 readers took the PopEater.com questionnaire, which named John Travolta the hottest former teen idol and Rob Lowe the most scandalous idol of all time.
Is it me or didn’t Leif Garret kill a guy in a drunken car wreck?

Miley Cyrus is “very happy” in her current relationship with her older boyfriend and tells USA Today that relationships with people her age “can be harsh and judgmental.” Meanwhile, Cyrus’ mom Tish is opening up for the first time about raising the pop star in a special airing on E! tonight.
Who would have known back then that that mullet would actually attract a mate capable of birthing such a phenomenon?

“I have a 33-year-old man. That’ll keep your mojo mojo-ing.” – Halle Berry in the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar.
F*ck your mojo. Oh wait, that’s what you were saying. Or was it? I’m confused.

Jennifer Aniston reportedly has a crush on Mets slugger David Wright.
God, life really is like high school. You’re using the media to spread an “I like him” rumor? Why not just leave a note in his locker?

Soon-to-be-divorced “Real Housewives of NYC” star Countess de Lesseps was spotted locking lips with Almond restaurant owner Eric Lemonides, but chances are he isn’t her rebound beau. “I’m gay and kiss almost every woman that comes into the restaurant,” Lemonides told the Post.
Sounds sanitary.

“Real Housewives of NYC’s” Jill Zarin says the show isn’t a curse for the castmates - it’s a “blessing.” Zarin also sounded off on the Bethenny Frankel/Kelly Killoren Bensimon feud (“I’m always team Bethenny”) and Countes de Lesseps divorce, telling the Daily News, “Fifty percent of couples get divorced. …The Count will be a great ex-husband, and a great father. This is my advice: Marry someone you’d want to be divorced from.”
Huh. That actually makes a little sense.


Entertainment Weekly reports that actor Kal Penn has been hired by the White House as a liaison whose role will be to connect Obama with the Asian-American and Pacific Islander communities, as well as Hollywood.
Really?




Nancy O’Dell reveals in her new book, “Full of Life,” that she and hubby Keith Zubchevich were so eager to start a family that they made an appointment with her gynecologist for some tips.
Was she raised a nun or something?


Thoughts on Jen Aniston, Kal Penn or Tom Cruise? Email us @ lanalogue@gmail.com

Twitter Soup - courtneylove79

Does anyone speak Rambling Junkie? Here are a few (and when I say a few I mean 5 out of 47) tweets from Courtney Love, just this morning, that are all pretty much alike in coherency.

f us the ones who knew and if i have bneen in any way helpful i am honoured ti have been so, thats all i really must pack love you.

11 minutes ago from web

with my abs and the pert thing in back, not being arrigant just came outta bed to express my heart burtsing with love for rusty, your one o

12 minutes ago from web

if you bloody added me to your tweet thing itd be so much easier niethe rof us chacks texts and "people" do also i have yet to be inside

14 minutes ago from web

ud of your charcater and behaviour i am proud you didnt sell me out and the stupid move wopuldve been as Mckenna putit to underestimate

15 minutes ago from web

times to droop., yes were all naricsiistis but its a matter of MALIGNENCy, eg i know i am really really good possibly better than anyone at4

17 minutes ago from web

To get the full experience, check out www.twitter.com/courtneylover79

What cold be wrong with Courtney? We would love to hear all your theories. Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

Rock of Love Bus - Dear Writers

Dear Writers of Rock of Love Bus,

Why would you do this to us? You gave us 3 seasons of sluts, strippers and sex and in return we tuned in to this dumb show every week. Now, in the last season, this is how you decide to reward us for our loyalty? This is how you want to go out? Are your moms writing these episodes?

Ever since Bret dumped the Blond Ambition Tour and Britannya, this season sucks. The Whiny Lame Boring Tour is a big snore to watch. If Mindy's"funks" are torturous to Bret, why in God's name would you think we would want to see more of her? If I wanted to watch people be depressed and whine over men, I would be watching Grey's Anatomy. The only fun part about last night's episode was when we saw the clips of Ashleigh making fun of these girls.

Why wouldn't you hit us with some sort of "shocking twist"? For example:

SHOCKING TWIST!

After dinner Bret says to the Torturous Trio:

"Girls. This dinner sucks, this tour sucks and pretty much, you suck. I'm bringing back the hos."

Then in walks The Blond Ambition Tour and Britannya.

BAM!

Now THAT would have made this season, the BEST last season ever.

There is one episode left and sadly, I doubt this happens. In the coming attractions, Bret is holding what looks to be an engagement ring box, whereby, looking like a total dork. How can he propose to either of these girls (especially Taya who I don't think he's even tongue kissed yet)?

I am writing you this letter because I don't think it's too to late shoot an alternate ending and fire your moms.

Think about it.

Yours,

Lana "I'm Not A Ho, I Just Like This Sho'" LoRusso

The LANALOGUE

lanalogue@gmail.com

Friday Night Lights - 7 Reasons

7 Reasons Why FNL is the Best Show on TV

1. I used to hate Texas and now I am considering moving there
2. Landry is the coolest ugly person on TV, who is still sort of cute.
3. Each girl is hotter than the next (that includes the mom).
4. Everyone wishes they had a Coach like Coach.
5. Watching Friday Night Lights is better than watching actual football
6. They named an episode after Shel Silverstein's "The Giving Tree".
7. Even guys want to have sex with Tim Riggins.

EVENTS IN NYC - Book Party

"Why He Didn't Call You Back" Book Party

I am proud to say that one of our LANALOGGERS, Rachel Greenwald is a NYT Best Selling Author. Her new book is coming out next week. There is going to be a book party for her next Wednesday April 8th, from 6:30-9:30 at M1-5 Lounge in Tribeca (52 Walker Street, between Church and Broadway). We are all invited. Check out http://www.yourtango.com/events/greenwald for more details. There will be a bunch of single guys and girls there. I am also a pimp.

EVENTS IN NYC - Music

Without You I'm Everything
LANALOGGER Louise Kim writes

"Without You I'm Everything will be delivering their unique sonic bliss at their first Brooklyn show on Saturday, April 4th. WYIE will be filling the stage with the usual bass, drums, guitar and vocals as well as cello, viola and violin - it's dramatic, symphonic rock 'n' roll."
www.myspace.com/wyie
The details: Public Assembly - 70 North 6th Street (btwn Wythe & Kent), Williamsburg. - subway: L (Bedford Avenue stop)
info: http://www.publicassemblynyc.com
saturday, april 4th — 8:00 — $10

HerOeD (posted by nick)

Into Asylum

Due to “Into Asylum” being such a dialog filled episode, not much of it should need deciphering. All events were easy to interpret, and overall this was a safe episode, not bad, but not really that good either (I feel like an American Idol judge). The overall theme to this episode was fixing relationships. I’ve also been recognizing that this volume Heroes has found its grove in delivering an organized storyline in dealing with its multiple characters all over the world.

Storyline number one: Nathan and Claire’s Spring Break in Mexico. The two of them being together is significant because they were once granted a pass but are now in the same boat as everyone else, fugitives, but them getting away or saving the day was no where in sight. This episode was made for them to “fix” their “I hate my dad” relationship. Hopefully after watching this rather “boring, but had to happen” dialog Claire’s issues will be resolved and there will be less of Claire complaining.

Storyline number two: Peter and Angela Petrelli talk to Jesus. The entire scenario was dark and gloomy (in a good way) from the downpour of rain in the streets to the two of them hiding out in the church. I also thought that Angela having to earn her precognitive dreams, and couldn’t just pop a sleeping pill, was a nice factor thrown in the mix. Hearing Angela finally speak to Peter about how messed up their family is was a relief, I was beginning to wonder how this could be ignored for so long without anyone saying anything, I mean, they are really an f’d up family. I don’t know really how I feel about Peter praying/talking to God. I think I’m in between cool and weird because really, what hasn’t God done for him? What did Peter mean by God not living up to his end of the deal, Peter was at one point the most powerful person on the planet, and seemingly lost that to his own stupidity (hugging his father aka trusting the biggest villain EVER). When Mr. Bennet found them in the confessional and let them go it makes you wonder how long he can get away with being their “inside man”.

Storyline number three: Danko and Sylar pop bottles in the club. This began with Danko finally internally realizing that Mr. Bennet knows his shizzness. Bennet has been trying to tell Danko how effective one of us, one of them is, and now Danko sees this for himself, especially when the “them” is the best “they” have to offer. Bennet begins the episode by telling Danko he was wrong to send agents after someone with an unidentified ability because you’ll have no idea what you are up against (umm common sense). Bennet later unknowingly gives Danko advice about “the value of co-opting the native population”, and “working the enemy, using them as assets or weapons by motivating them”. Sylar’s introduction to Danko in his car with the 1960’s hit “The Runaway” by Del Shannon playing on the radio was very cool, as was the introduction of possibly the most awesome ability, shape-shifting. My only concern is that this makes Sylar virtually uncatchable and leads us to believe that unless Peter gets his full power back, Sylar will not be stopped, ever (but who cares right he’s awesome).

In the end not much was accomplished besides Claire, Nathan, Peter, and Angela patching up their relationships. I could say that Sylar is believed to be dead now but I don’t think Mr. Bennet is that dumb. Angela revealing she has a sister (of course!) and closing the episode with the song “We Gotta Get Out of This Place” by The Animals was pretty cool too.

Overall 7 outta 10

Questions/Comments for Nick? Email us lanalogue@gmail.com

TWITTER SOUP

And the Award for Lamest Celeb April Fools Tweet goes to:


iamdiddy: More Breaking NEWS!!!: Its official!! Meet Mr and Mrs SEAN AND ROBIN COMBS!!!! I just left the courthouse!!! :)

iamdiddy: Jokes over! April fools!! April fool!! I'm not engaged! Not married! Sorry. Its the only day I get to be a celebrity blog and spread lies:)

TWITTER SOUP

heidimontag: has everyone heard my new songs? which one do you like better?


Actually, this one must be the joke ...

TWITTER SOUP

heidimontag: I am I wanted to tell my twitter friends first.... I am pregnant!!!!!!!! I couldn't be more excited!!! I hope its a boy!

Great joke Heidi. All those 16 year old girls that subscribe to your Twitter will have a great April Fools joke to pull on their moms today. At least I hope it's a joke ... Thoughts? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

Happy Birthday Mariah

Mariah's a$$ is at it again. What started as a simple birthday, turned out to be a barrage of PDA and oddly disturbing a$$ shots. When Nick and Mariah break-up (I give it about 287 days), Nick is going to have a harder time bouncing back than Chris Brown.

Thoughts about Mariah, her a$$ and Nick Cannon? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

Brad and DAD - The Quest for a New BFF

Not sure if you have heard the news, but the Jolie-Pitts have officially arrived in Huntington, NY (which is on Long Island). A bartender at the local french restaurant said that they had been in for dinner 2 weeks ago. The local pizza place said that Brad came in last week, ate a slice of pizza and left - no one even knew it was him. We also heard that Brad's mom was seen picking up Shiloh and Sahara from the local school. How do we know all this exactly? Well, the Jolie-Pitts have moved to a specific place in Huntington called Lloyd Neck and unfortunately for them, it happens to be on the same block as my parents.
From the moment we heard the news a few months back, DAD (see above picture) has made it his mission to become BFFs with Brad. I'll never forget the day he called me and said "Can you believe I'm gonna be hangin out with these guys?"
He has his plan all formulated out - some elements (and by all means not all) include: my twins, his motorcycle, some figs, an Indian Headdress and a whisper of danger. He has already convinced himself that they were born to be BFF's. Today, March 30th, will mark the first day of DAD's Quest to win over Brad. We know it won't be easy . Just today a local florist (and LANALOGGER), tried to drop off flowers to the house to welcome them and the mean man on the intercom told them to beat it and "dump" the flowers.
Will Dad's "The Secret" type mind games be enough? Will DAD's eccentric clothes lure Brad? Does he have what it takes? We will be sure to keep you posted

Any ideas for DAD in his Quest for Brad? He will take any and all suggestions and we will film him doing it. Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

TWITTER SOUP

taylorswift13: phone with Selena. Watching my blue toe nail polish dry.

Like oh my god! Good job 43 yr old hired male writer pretending to be a 16 year old girl.

It's News: but not for mensa members 3/28

The NY Post reports that "THE Hills" executive producer Adam DiVello is a sore loser. At a recent cast photo shoot for the MTV show, DiVello "completely lost his cool and was anything but professional" over star Audrina Patridge (above in HS), who the day before had announced a development deal with "Survivor" producer Mark Burnett. As soon as Patridge left the shoot, says our source, "DiVello went on a tirade, cursing her in front of other cast and crew." An MTV rep declined to comment.
Audrina Patridge. I can't believe that girl is being rewarded for being a retard.

The NY Post reported that KEVIN Federline and girl friend Victoria Prince were spotted dancing like crazy and drinking Jack Daniel's before he jumped on a wireless mike to sing one of his songs at Cain Luxe.
Please see above comment.

People.com reported that Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz dashed rumors of marital woes, proving the passion is still alive as they locked lips on stage during the MTV Australia Awards in Sydney on Friday night.
I guess these guys weren't old enough to see Michael Jackson kiss Lisa Marie.