The Lost Boys (by Ryan and Ruben)

Throughout our 1500ish-year friendship, the Lost Boys have only disagreed over two things: the musical brilliance of Pearl Jam and this week’s episode of Lost. Ryan loves Pearl Jam, Ruben hates them. Ryan hated this week’s episode of Lost, Ruben loved it. Ryan is a man of science. Ruben is a man of faith.

Last week’s episode was titled “What Kate Did,” but let’s face the symphony, people, who gives a flying f-k what Kate does. We want answers, right? And, honestly, Kate doesn’t do much in this episode, except run in all sorts of directions.

To the basics. So Sayid is back from the dead, but is he really Sayid? Did anyone see how Miles looked at him? Apparently, our two new characters don’t think so. Speaking of our two new characters, let’s talk about them. The white dude with the spectacles is called Lennon and the Asian dude is called Dogen. Lennon seems like an obvious reference to a Beatle. Dogen, however, upon further research from our cool bearded friend, Brian Lufkin, is the name of a prominent Japanese Buddhist philosopher. He wrote extensively on time and being and for much of his life he was the head of a monastery temple. The producers have hinted that Dogen holds an important key or secret to the entire series.

Lennon and Dogen tell Jack that Sayid is infected, a revival of the sickness mystery. The “sickness” is a real thing, but what is it? Apparently, Jack’s sister has it, too. But how did Dogen know of Jack and Claire’s relationship. Speaking of Claire, let’s talk about her. She goes to give up her baby, but the adoptive mother is unresponsive and then Claire goes into labor. Of course. Let’s top that off with a cameo by The Lost Boys’ favorite creepy Other, Ethan, playing a doctor. But he introduces himself not as we know him, Ethan Romm, but as Ethan Goodspeed. This confuses us in so many ways. Is he a real doctor in this new sideways timeline? Is he an Other? Why the name change? Also, has anyone noticed that they changed the signature SWOOSH sound effect that used to mark the transisition between timelines to more of a mechanic shutter sound? Weird.

This episode didn’t give us much: a whiny Sawyer, Jack with attention deficit disorder, Kate running. That mumbo jumbo makes Ryan frustrated because there are few precious hours of Lost left, and they are filling them with nonsense. Ruben holds on to the hope that they will somehow explain everything. One redeeming value in this week’s episode, something both Lost Boys agreed on, was having Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia back playing Aldo the Other. But then he is shot by Claire. In the words of Hurley, are Sayid and Claire some sort of Zombies?

What if Lost changed themes altogether and the show became a Zombie musical starring William Mapother? Amazing. Hopefully next week will be better and might include Zombie musical numbers. That would be easier to swallow than stupid Kate and crying Sawyer. Over and out.