Tuesday, March 30, 2010


“We’re in hell."
Richard Alpert! Ricardus. Ricardo. Ricky. Riles. Ribbon man. River. Great episode. But. Still. What the F is going on here? Hell this and heaven that. This is a bait and switch thing, bubba. Hell hell hell. It’s heaven. And all we can do is guess who is good. Jack is good. Hurley is good. Ultimately Sun and Jin are good and Sawyer is good. Locke was good. Maybe. Richard Alpert is great.

Confusing much? Hell yes, how could one not be after this thriller. Ruben was on the edge of his seat the whole time. Ryan loves any episode in which Frank Lapidus curses around a fire. Opening with Ilana and Jacob speaking Russian and then segueing into a funny scene in which Jack’s mind is blown when the others tell him about Locke/MiB. This episode follows Ilana’s attempt to figure out what to do with the help of Richard’s expertise, but Richard is in the midst of a severe crisis of faith. He has crises coming out of his ears.

We thought Richard was going to be of Egyptian origin, but he is not. Turns out, he is from Tenerife, Canary Islands, and he was born sometime in the latter half of the nineteenth century. Turns out, he was on the Black Rock. Turns out, the Black Rock, riding a single, mysteriously large wave, broke the gosh darn statue. This was such a great episode, one of the best of the season, if not the entire series. It answered a good amount of questions, both new and old. For instance, Richard doesn’t age because Jacob granted him a gift.

This episode, entitled Ab aeterno (which is a Latin adverb meaning ‘Since the Beginning of Time’) harkened back to the beginning of the series with the traditional flashbacks. This backstory of Richard’s could have made for a lengthy arch had this been season one or two. His life rivals Locke’s and Sawyer’s for saddest. First his wife is sick. Then he accidentally kills the damn doctor. Then his wife is dead. Then he is jailed. Then he is made a slave. Then the ship carrying him wrecks. Then he is tempted by the Devil, whoever the hell that may or may not be. There is a ton of biblical references in this one. The whole episode mirrors the story of Job, in which God and the Devil have a little wager on whether Job can be tempted. Richard is riddled with crises of faith and on top of that, he is tempted to change allegiance. This cannot happen. Richard can’t follow some One else! We’ve known Richard one way for so long. Every One has a story. And we have been waiting for this one since The Man Behind the curtain when we first started wrapping our heads around a dude that doesn’t age. In that episode, Ben says to Richard, “Remember birthdays?”

Did anyone notice the blue butterfly? The butterfly was definitely Jacob. He brought the rain. But he kept it out of Richard’s reach. Why? And the hog was definitely the Man in Black. So Jacob can’t bring people back from the dead. Dead is dead. Why? So Jacob can’t undo the sins of the past. Tabula rasa. But he can grant everlasting life. The Man in Black kept referring to the being which dwells in the foot of the statue as the devil. This sounds like something the Devil would say about God in order to get some confused and twisted angel to follow his word instead of the divine’s. The Devil will show up when you need something the most.

That was one hell of a baptism Jacob gave to Richard. It’s okay, Richard needed it. He is new on the Islando. His past sins do not matter anymore. His initial crises seemed averted until, in the modern timeology, his mentor is now dead. So he goes and digs up his wife’s cross necklace and starts calling for Locke/MiB, saying over and over again that he has changed his mind. Just then, Hurley walks up and we found out who he was talking to in Spanish when Jack interrupted earlier. He is communicating with Richard’s wife from beyond the grave. Hurley, an instrument of God? That scene ends with Hurley telling Richard one more thing. His wife said that he has to stop the Man in Black from leaving the Island. And then we see UnLocke standing atop a hill, looking down on Richard and Hurley. He has evil in his eye. The episode ends on a nice little conversation between Jacob and the OG MiB. The Man in Black says he just wants to leave. Jacob retorts by saying that as long as he himself is alive, he will never let MiB leave the Island.

From thriller to tear-jerker and then back to thriller. From Backgammon to Epistemological. From Archipelago to Anthropomorphized. Science vs. Faith. Good vs. Evil. Fire vs. Water. Life vs. Death. Nature vs. Nurture. Right vs. Wrong.

In the sandleford warren in the middle of the jungle of life…If one were to take their time and go back and research the names of all the episodes in the Lost chronology, one would be able to paint a pretty picture of funny finds in their minds of what is what and what are the signs and what is that and what is death devil disco from (in whispers) the beginning of time.

Let’s give one more round of applause to Nestor Carbonell for delivering a stunningly layered performance about a man so shrouded in mystery until now. Interesting facts about the dude who plays the dude who doesn’t age. He went to boarding school with his castmate, Matthew Fox. He has a B.A. in English from Harvard University.

Over and out.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Lost Boys with R & R

“Trust me, God’s got nothing to do with it.”

-James “Sawyer” Ford

Sawyer episode! The Stylish Southern with droopy shoulders and puppy dog eyes returns! In the OG timeline, Sawyer is rollin’ with Locke, and in the new alternately alternate timeline Sawyer is an officer of the law! This episode was kinda like the Kate episode from earlier this season, where in it nothing much moves the mythology narrative, but it paints an exquisite character picture. And unlike the Kate episode, this one didn’t suck. Instead of becoming a conman, James Ford became a cop. In the OG timeline, Sawyer is told by UnLocke to sail across sometimes-there-and-sometimes-not bay to the other island. There he finds a lady named Zoe and a whole bunch of dead bodies. In the New timeline, Sawyer is a cop still harboring issues with the murder-suicide of his folks and the man who conned and caused it all.

Ryan likes to call the alternate timeline the ‘What If?’ timeline. Like what if Sawyer were a cop? Crazy. So Sawyer still went to Australia. Did he still kill that guy? Probably not. He totally bangs Charlotte in this episode! Charlotte finds Ford’s Sawyer file and he flips his lid. No wonder Sawyer and Jack never got along, they are both battling daddy demons.

Back in the original gangsta timeline, Kate says hi to Sayid, Sayid is not himself. Then, all of the sudden, Claire attacks Kate with a knife. The two struggle in a female death grip, while Sayid sits there doing nothing, and then UnLocke throws Claire off of Kate. Claire starts to whig out and then UnLocke slaps the sh*t outta her. What if Locke slapped Claire? Awesomeness to the max.

Did anyone notice that Sawyer’s hair is shorter? Did anyone notice Charlie’s brother is in the precinct looking about for word on Charlie? In this new life, Charlie is the addict and his bro may be the narrow one, the sober one. Sawyer blows it with Charlotte. Good! They aren’t meant for each other.

Back on the Island, UnLocke talks some shizzle on the beach with Kate. It isn’t until he mentions Aaron that he has our attention. Meanwhile, Sawyer is having a sit-down with Charles Widmore. This is a great counter scene to Kate’s convo with UnLocke, the banter between characters that we never expected to meet. But we still don’t know what Charles Wdimore, the mysterious mogul wants, or whether he is inherently good or evil. Ruben just got done reading Nietzsche’s Beyond Good and Evil. Ruben laughs differently now. And then the episode ends with James Ford apprehending Kate in the new timeline. We keep thinking that Kate will die soon. But how? We think she will try to kill UnLocke and she will die by his hand. Speaking of which, we keep wondering when we will find out UnLocke’s/MiB’s real name. We hope it is cool and not something boring like Scott or Glenn.


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

SIGHTINGS FROM LANALOGGERS - Tara from The Biggest Loser

Traci Calabrese writes

"I saw Tara from the biggest loser, like last season or something. not sure if you watch, but she should have won.  But at the last episode this really annoying old hag won.  Anyhow I saw her at LAX and snuck a secret photo of her in the security line, which I probably could have been arrested for taking photos in the security line, however, I deemed it necessary.  I've attached that photo and her biggest loser before and after promo photo.  As you can see she has kept the weight off, although perhaps gained a bit back, not much tho.  She was carrying a bag with 3 apples and some granola in it.  I would imagine she has to to keep her image up.  Later on I saw her at chilis, I was drinking a vodka soda, as my flight was delayed, and she was annoyingly ordering food with no oil and no this or that.  In any case, I couldn't contain myself and had to tell her she should have won.  she smiled and said thanks.  I realize it is not brad pitt, but figured all those biggest loser fans out there would appreciate to know she still thin."

I was hoping that Chili's story was going to go another way.

The Lost Boys (Sorry for the Delay) with Ryan and Ruben and Corey Haim

“This time is crazy…because we have been away for so long.”
                        -Ryan Buynak

Short and sweet and well traveled. The Lost Boys have been away a while…first, Austin, Texas for a Lost conference, where we presided over a discussion panel…and then Orlando to which we traveled for a Lost lab apron rare as rare can be, Dharma Initiative, type A survivor sh*t. And now a fellow Lost Boy, Corey Haim, is dead. Damn. R.I.P. C.H. and Dogen and Lennon.

We watched last-last week’s Sayid eppy while in a hotel in Austin, Texas. We laughed, we cried. We wondered to ourselves whether Sayid is a danger like our friend Vernon. And whether new sideways timeline Locke is really Locke. For some reason, this doubt struck out in our heads and tails.

Sayid is now evil. We guess. Right? Evil as can be. No? Was he always evil? He was a torturer, after all. In the sideways timeline Nadia, Sayid’s everlasting love, is with Sayid’s paternal bro? Whoa, bro! Austin, Texas is awesome! Lapidus! Keamy, the hired thug from the freighter in season five, is out and about in our flash sideways timeline, and apparently Sayid’s brother owe’s him dough. We think Keamy is still working for Widmore in this new timeline. This may explain why his thugs have Jin in a walk-in freezer. Jin is still working for Sun’s dad, Mr. Paik. Mr. Paik is in cahoots with Widmore! What the S? Kate is around and she is stupid. She finds Claire while Claire is crazy. This is like a riddle. The whole show is a riddle, of course. A riddle of crazy proportions with a biblical twist and Will-Smith-Independence-Day-like day-dreams. Three blind mice, maybe. Then all H breaks loose. Sayid is evil. He kills Dogen and Lennon. We see the Smoke Monster with people in its shadows. Human People rolling over Kate in its GoshDarn shadows! Who is part of Un-Locke’s army? Kate is not on a team but she is rollin’ with Un-Locke. Where is Saywer? Is he corruptible? We think not.

We watched last week’s Ben eppy while in an old friend’s old house in downtown Orlando, Florida. This, in Ruben’s eyes, with terrible tears, was the best eppy of the season. Ruben was moved by Michael Emerson’s Ben performance. Oscar worthy, he said, even though tv stars don’t win Oscars and neither should The Hurt Locker.

In the alternate sideways timeline Ilana is running things and Miles rats out Ben as killing Jacob. This explains Miles’ power(s). Jacob wanted to believe in Ben. In the fictional Bible, Ben and Jaob are brothers and they go on to lead different tribes if/of/or thirteen. Thus. Then. Ben tries to manipulate but can’t…not like he could in the prior scion timeline in which he is the king manipulator. He is still close to Alex…Alex Rousseau. Substitute Locke in the other timeline listens to Ben’s lowly history teacher rant (could Locke in this other alternate timeline still be the Man in Black?). On the Island, we have a crisis of faith and a restoration of everything. Richard runs into Jack and Hurley haunting through the jungle and leads them astray from the temple. Richard is Lost. Jack is f-ing crazy. Crazy awesome. Richard’s loss of faith is restored by Jack in the best scene this season, if not the entire series. The dynamite is burning down and Jack is coloring Richard Alpert with a live breakfast of fun in the midst of the Black Rock, saying things we have never heard Jack say before. This Alpert-Shepard scene was incredible! What we loved about this episode, just to let everyone know this episode was directed by Mario Van Peebles, yes, this episode, is that scene with Jack and Richard. Again, It was amazing! We even talked about-about it with an old toothless lady on the Southwest flight back to NYC. She said it was horsesh*t, but she was drunk. Ilana is like Michelle Rodriquez. Also, we liked that William Atherton was in this eppy, the evil guy from movies like Biodome, Ghostbusters, Real Genius, etc. And the cheesy end, with the parascope, and low and behold, Charles Widmore. He has been missing. In the narrative forever. We were wondering when he would resurface. Ha ha, get it? Resurface. We are glad to see him. Where does he fall in all this MIB-vs-Jacob mess? Is Widmore a candidate?

What does it all mean?

We shall see.

Don’t ever give up.

Over and out.