Saturday, May 30, 2009
The Top 5 "Lamest/Confusing/I Just got Dumber From Reading This Tweet" Tweets Today (and it's not even 9AM)
Friday, May 29, 2009
As we said last week, what happened to all the good finales? Here are some of our LANALOGGERS favorites:
Christopher Bower - "Are you watching Southland??? The season finale was INSANE!!!"
I need to get into that. I love the dude from The OC.
Nazanin Dana - "HIMYM! The Mother is an architecture student!"
Please tell me that dumb show is finally off the air.
An ANONYMOUS LANALOGGER - "Other great Friends finales/cliffhangers include: Season 4, The One With Ross' Wedding ("I, Ross, Take Thee Rachel") Oops! and the end of Season 5 - The One in Vegas, Part II, when a drunken Ross and Rachel come stumbling out of a wedding chapel as man and wife. With all due respect, Lana, the airport episode with Rachel & Julie wasn't a season finale/cliffhanger, it was the first show of Season 2 ("The One With Ross' New Girlfriend")."
Actually - the finale was Rachel waiting in the waiting area - and you see Ross coming down the airport tunnel with Julie and kissing her - Rachel still having no clue. Don't sass me about Friends sista.
Douglas Madden - "Cliffhanger (the movie with Sly Stallone). Now that was an avalanche of thrills. Seriously."
My personal favorite. although that was neither TV show nor finale - and barely a movie.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
- They teased us the whole season with a possible Brody/Audrina coupling that just ended in a Brody/Audrina pout.
- The sex tape scandal that no one believed in the first place (because we never saw it) is STILL coming up. This started before I had TWINS (and think about how long I have been talking about those guys).
- There is no reason for Heidi's sister to be on this show, at all. I hope they are not paying her.
- Kristin C's movie career obviously didn't pan out the way she thought it would.
- Lauren actually thinks she is going to have a movie career.
- Heidi's feathered wedding dress.
- Lo Bosworth is going to be the main lead in The Hills next season.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
- We watched them get botox injections in their lips forhead and cheeks.
- They acted as if this was a normal activity.
- Dina denied she has botox, even though her face screams "I had botox 5 minutes ago".
2) Bravo = Cable
- In one episode they said Blow Job - "He goes over for his daily blow job"
- In that same epidose they said P&ssy - "I'm the one with the p&ssy"
- They didn't beep those words out
3) Foul? No, I'm More Foul.
- Danielle is an insecure slut
- Dina is a concieted b&tch
- Jacqueline is a weak pushover
- Teresa is a selfish stage mom
- Caroline is half man
On second thought, maybe it's all these reasons.
Friday, May 22, 2009
LANALOGGER Margrit Polak writes
"IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET, THE DOCUMENTARY ABOUT MY MOM AND DAD will be on Public Television later this month!!!! Independent Lens, the PBS documentary series, will air STEAL A PENCIL FOR ME, in most markets, on May 26th. See the link below for your local listing. The film has been shortened to one hour (from 94 minutes) for PBS but for those of you that haven’t seen it, please take this opportunity to either set your TEVO or sit and watch. This film has been a completely wonderful experience for my parents, now 96 and 86. They are enjoying far more than 15 minutes of fame, and my friend. Oscar Nominee Michele Ohayon , who directed the film, did a truly extraordinary job. Based on the compilation of their love letters from World War II, the movie is the story of their love, still alive sixty-plus years later! Please tell your friends…."
Pretty cool. A little more highbrow than Uncle Donny's House, but probably just as good in a differnt way. Our more cultured readers should check it out.
"C'mon...America wins...Democracy wins...Coca-Cola wins. I feel like a winner whenever I endure a minute of this show without the douche chills."
CORRECTION: SICK douche chills. LANALOGGER Renee Zavislak writes
"douche chills" HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. a much better name than "the retarded tickles"
Not to mention a little more politically correct.
This is what you call a finale? Serena knows where her long lost dad is - did we even know he was missing? Lily and Rufus get engaged? Lame. Blaire kisses Chuck and says I love you? YAWN. Jenny is Queen Bee of a school I forgot she even went to, LANALOGGER Evan Chodos says
"What did you want someone to get murdered?"
Yes Evan. I did.
"Well it's written for 16-year olds, so get over it."
Whatever. What ever happened to the cliffhangers?
* Kimberly having half a face.
* JR getting shot.
* Ross walking off the plane with Julie.
* Finding out that chick was a man on Nip/Tuck.
* Dylan cheating on Brenda with Kelly.
What else am I missing? When I watch a show all year, I expect a HUGE GASP at the end (like Grey's Anatomy). Is that too much to ask?
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Jersey Shore Unleashed
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
What's the deal with Jon and Kate? People Magazine has them on the cover. LANALOGGER Celia Coulombe writes
"ratings ploy. their compensation has probably been renegotiated to be tied to audience figures. next we'll hear that she's leaving Jon for Heidi Montag. And Jon will be consoled by Samantha Ronson."
That episode of the Hills would DEF suck my armpit. LANALOGGER Christina Lazopoulos Warnick writes
"I think he totally did. Hello - in the car and she's at the wheel "b/c it was a new car and she wanted to check it out"?? Please. He was out getting loaded and leaving to get laid! The only thing I don't get is this - how does one have time to find a girlfriend when you work, have 8 kids, have a wife, and are usually followed by a camera???? I don't even have time to go to the bathroom and I have 3 kids , stay home, no voyeur-cam here. He should write a book on time management to fill me in."
It's easy. Sneak it in while you take a shower. That's what I do with my boyfriend Robert Pattinson. Shh! Don't tell Chris. LANALOGGER Rebecca Hanley writes
"One thing is for certain -- Kate needs to start cheating on her hairstylist. Wtf is up with her do? It's like an inverted mullet. "
AMEN SISTA. You should write for The LANALOGUE.
LANALOGGER Julia Quigley Bender writes
"Hope this makes the LANALOGUE. The other morning, the movie "The Baster" was filming outside my house, literally. This picture was taken by my husband from our living room window. The best is the email exchange that occurred before he sent me the picture:
husband: I had coffee with Jennifer Aniston today. she makes her own.
me: Really? I had a lengthy conversation with Jason Bateman, he liked my bag. (note - that's a total lie, i thought my husband was being a jerk)
husband: whatever dude. She was getting her own coffee and then sitting on the steps across the street from us. Needless to say we didn't talk much.
me: I didn’t realize you were such a Jen fan. Kinda makes me sad.
Then we went on to discuss what we planned to have for lunch, which is much less interesting."
I love when other couples get into tiffs over celebs. It makes me feel normal. Do you fight with your significant other over celebs? We want to know. Email us firstname.lastname@example.org
I can't believe this show is still on the air. Will you watch it on Monday? LANALOGGER Rachel Niles write
"yes, i'm a total cheeseball... and the last one angered me soooo much. but i can't stay away. masochist thru and thru..."
Kinda like me with the Hills. LANALOGGER Rachael Honowitz writes
"Totally, only because I know one of the guys on the show...."
Oh Shiz! You can't just write that and not share. Come on now. The new one starts this Monday. Should Rachael give us the deets behind the show? Yes? I couldn't agree more.
For the love of Christ. This show just sucks my Armpit. 7 Reasons Why:
- The acting is terrible. For example. it gives me less credibility as a human being when I am watching the show and Chris walks in during a scene like the one where Stephanie "I am on drugs all the time" Pratt "forgets to pack boxes for Lauren" and everyone acts shocked.
- Lo's fake job and even more fake reaction when Stephanie "forgets to pack the boxes".
- Justin Bobby & Audrina - I mean still with this sh&t? Get her a new boyfriend for godsakes.
- We had to listen to Audrina on the phone with Justin, instead of being able to hear The Script.
- Are the writer's on vacation? Why are they making such a big deal about firing Stephanie? Lauren should have walked out of her meeting with Kelly Cutrone and said to Stephanie "Kelly just told me to fire you. Sorry. Bye."
- Again. Why would anyone as good looking as Stacy waste her time with Spencer. It's so unrealistic even the writer's don't believe it.
- Lauren needs to get laid.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I really got depressed watching the I Love Money 2 Reunion for the following reasons:
- There were no male or female catfights
- Frank and Buckwild were holding hands, but no one addressed their "I Get Grossed Out Thinking About Them Having Sex" Relationship
- Poor Prancer wasn't even acknowledged. She had a new hair-do and everything!
- Where was Saaphyri? I heard jail - how is THAT not addressed?
- So ... is It smart or not?
LANALOGGER Sharon Rose Miller writes
"As a Christian, I think this is God's will. Praise be to Jesus!"
Yesterday I took a POLL: Heidi Montag is going to be in the July issue of Playboy - shocked or duh?
Kristy Koenig - DUH!!!
Christina Lazopoulos Warnick - Duh. After her video romp in a bikini, this is a step UP.
Jaime Cohen - Duh...but she's disgusting. Is any part of her actually real?
I love seeing the word "Duh" so many times. It's funny.
Anyway, I would have to agree with Jaime. While I don't necessarily find her disgusting, I think she is a droid. Spencer has literally turned her into a Stepford Wife. The question should have been - Is she alive or is she a droid? However, she does look like the perfect Playboy model. It's as if Hugh built her himself (I'm kinda jealous). LANALOGGER Michelle Behler Sukanick writes
"I hope she wears the surgical mask from her honeymoon"
That's actually kind of hot. More thoughts on Heidi & Spencer? Email us email@example.com.
Monday, May 11, 2009
I pray you all have the best mondays of your lives!!! You only live once and life is so short God bless about 4 hours ago
Good night God bless you all! Thank you Jesus for another day of life xoxo about 4 hours ago
Friday, May 8, 2009
2. Dina Lohan still claiming she is a good mom.
3. What the hell did Kirstie Alley eat?
4. The fact that anyone would hook up with Jon Gosselin.
5. People actually think that Amy Winehouse is going to show up for her performance in St. Lucia and bought tickets.
6. SJP and Matthew Broderick are still acting as if they are a straight married couple.
7. I'm kind of excited for the Lily and Rufus 1980s version of Gossip Girl next week.
This week’s eppy, entitled “Follow The Leader,” was like a murder mystery! The only logical step we have to take is that something happens and something else happens. That is all we could come up with this week…that is all we can gather from Lost in general. This episode was a power struggle…between Richard, and Ben, and Locke…and between Widdmore and Eloise and Richard…and Horace and Radzinski and Sawyer. There are those who want to change things and then there are those who want things to stay the way they are. And then there is John Locke. And then there is Richard Alpert.
1) Would you ever continue to show up places and stand right next the psycho path who's boyfriend you just slept with?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
"In case anyone knows of Deanna from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette history, she called out “play ball” to start the Braves game last night. Now that wouldn’t seem to be a very difficult task, but she didn’t do a great job….she just kinda mumbled it quickly. Anyway, she was standing right in front of me so I took this pic w/my Blackberry (zoomed in).
Incidentally, I was at the game with three guys I work with and you should have heard me trying to give them the explanation of who Deanna is, “Well, she was on The Bachelor but Brad didn’t pick her - he actually didn’t pick anyone! - then she was the Bachelorette and she picked Jesse and got engaged to him, but then dumped him. The guy she DIDN’T pick was Jason, and he was the last Bachelor and he picked Melissa Rycroft and then dumped her and now she’s a shining star on Dancing With The Stars! Oh, and apparently Deanna is dating Ace from the Real World, who is a part-owner of a bar in Midtown.”
Did any of the guys try and make out with you to get you to stop explaining? PS-Deanna's expression looks like someone who just mumbled "Play Ball" in front of thousands of people.
It sounds cool, but I’d hate to be hearing about that one from my buddies for the rest of my life
Texas native Jessica Simpson tells Vanity Fair she’s more passionate than ever about Dallas Cowboys football thanks to boyfriend Tony Romo and admits that before games she sends crazed mass emails asking friends to pray for Romo’s protection.
Imagine if you could pray for pass protection? The Saints would have one of the most explosive offenses in football! I think I’m going to start texting my friends to pray for Eli Manning’s protection.
John Mayer has called off his fling with Scheana Marie after the former Hawaiian Tropic model went public about their hookup Friday, telling YoungHollywood.com, “I love his personality…He can be, like, a dork.”
And you can be, like, a quick, hot, dirty hook-up.
Megan Fox shows off her “King Lear”-inspired tattoo in the upcoming issue of Elle and tells the magazine that she prefers “men.”
Do stars have to come out as straight now or something?
The holy trinity of supermodels – Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington and Linda Evangelista – will all be absent from the MET Costume Institute gala tonight.
Holy Trinity of Supermodels? Really? Somebody tried a little too hard to make their story sound more important than it was.
Pink’s rep says quotes the singer reportedly gave to News Of The World about being bisexual are “entirely fabricated.”
Hey Pink, if you’re looking to get another dude after what’s his motorcycle, you might want to just let this one circulate quietly. I’m not saying go around claiming it’s true, just don’t say it isn’t. Trust me on this one.
Friends of Bristol Palin say she’s emotionally blackmailing Levi Johnston by threatening to take son Tripp away from him.
Come on, what are you a child? Oh.
Slash has been blogging on his MySpace page about mentoring the remaining “American Idol” contestants for this week’s rock theme. “Those AI kids can sing their asses off, especially Adam, “ the rocker wrote after Saturday’s mentoring session.
There’s something about Slash ‘blogging on his MySpace page’ that’s really disappointing. Maybe I’m just feeling nostalgic for old school rockers who thought self-promotion was some sort of perverted sex act.
The NY Posy reports that "Vanessa Minnillo was just shot down for a role on 'Melrose Place' ".
Perfectly written gossip blurb. Thank you. Finally.
Former “Extra” TV host Mark McGrath is staging a comeback with his band, Sugar Ray. The group’s new album, “Music for Cougars,” is due out July 21 and is being released by an indie label because all the major labels have passed.
Tad ashamed to admit I own two Sugar Ray albums, which I believe also qualifies as both. Guess I gotta get this one and then somehow end up explaining to my mother-in-law who will happen to see it laying on the kitchen table what a ‘cougar’ is.
John Wayne Bobbitt and Lorena Bobbitt face off for the first time in 16 years on “The Insider” tonight.
The Insider? I thought you were gonna say MMA Extreme Cage Fighting match. I’d have settled for a boxing match with those huge harmless gloves. Hell, I’d watch these two go at it in those party rental Sumo suits for a laugh. The Insider? That’s probably the biggest let down since they moronically dismissed the cute little kid and his hot mom story line from Friday Night Lights. And you country pumpkins pick now to pit these two? The idea of 15 minutes of fame is that it’s meant to last 15 minutes. I think 16 years is a tad over the statute of limitations.
The 1989 movie "Parenthood" is going to made into an NBC TV series, according to network sources.
“Let’s see, we’ve pilfered the 70’s for ironic nostalgia, what the hell are we going to do now? Come on everybody, think!”
Next week the NRA will gift Sarah Palin with the “Alaskan Hunter,” a military-style assault weapon, to thank her for standing up for gun rights. Palin’s name will be engraved on the weapon.
When are you NRA morons going to learn? First you let a senile old man start preaching gun rights just after a school full of children gets shot at in CO and now this? Who’s you’re PR rep miss South Carolina? The more you pull these stunts the more you piss off the gun Nazis which is exactly what you’re trying to do which is exactly the kind of thing that may one day end up taking away your precious ‘Alaskan Hunter’ military style assault rifles. Give the broad one of those old school civil war guns that nobody’s afraid of because you sit there saying to yourself, ‘all I gotta do is rush this guy before he can jam that stick down the barrel and pour that shi*t from the horn into the thing.’ Then the gun control guys start to think, ‘oh, those gun guys are kinda nice and cute’ and they leave you alone. Then you can go remove all the sport from killing a thousand pound animal with a highly overpowered (military mind you) moose mauling personal cannon all you want.
Leona Helmsley’s Park Lane hotel penthouse, which she called home, is now being offered for rent to anyone who can pay $7,000 a night.
Technically I “can” pay that. So do I get the room?
Would you buy Sugar Ray's new album? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org with comments.
Friday, May 1, 2009
The NY Post reports that Kirstie Alley apologized yesterday on “Oprah” for packing on weight again and letting people down. Alley said the trouble started again when Valerie Bertinelli replaced her as spokesperson for Jenny Craig, telling Winfrey, “I do better when I have some pressure on me.” Alley also admitted she nearly “died” when she saw Bertinelli on the cover of People wearing a bikini. “It was like I was married to someone and they left me…But it inspired me.”
Wait. You were married to a fat Valerie Bertinelli?
The NY Post reposts that Lindsay Lohan’s ex, Harry Morton, is ashamed he dated the actress three years ago. At first Morton denied dating Lohan to Inked magazine, saying, “I didn’t really date her…I really didn’t.” But then he owned up and said it’s “embarrassing being known for that.”
Hey Harry. You shouldn't be too embarrassed, I didn't know who the hell you were before this blurb.
Seven-months pregnant rapper Kelis has filed for divorce from husband Nas.
Kelis is a girl?
The Daily News says that First Lady Michelle Obama took “casual dress to a haute new level” yesterday sporting $540 sneakers made by French design house Lanvin.
Joe Biden asked her not to wear them in enclosed spaces.
Marc Jacobs has admitted that he did friend Madonna a favor and wrote a letter supporting Jesus Luz’s work visa to keep him in the United States. Jacobs told the Daily News that Luz “is the sweetest guy. I hope he and Madonna are happy.”
... For the next three months.
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are renting in L.A.’s Mandeville Canyon while she shoots “Iron Man 2.”
Oh F you Gwyenth Paltrow ...
“I’m from the future.”
If you ask…you shall receive. Two weeks ago the Lost Boys ended our post with a request to the heavens for a Daniel episode. We’ll twitchy, we got one! Hell yeah. After last week’s quarter-buzz recap episode, we were in much need for a good answer-loaded eppy; the kind that makes you talk non-stop about it work the next day. We knew what we were in for right when the episode began with its wayward recapitulate. We’ll Ruben knew because in the two weeks between new episodes he has been hitting the cyberspace chase pretty hard, digging for spoilers and theories. Werd to the wise: stop digging, Lanaloggers. Learn from Ruben’s mistake(s). For example, last weekend he comes to me in a frenzied fit, ranting and raving about someone dying on the show. But I wouldn’t allow him to tell me. And then at the end of this week’s eppy, when Daniel’s eyes stand still, Ruben stands up and starts shouting, “Daniel’s dead! That’s what I had been trying to tell you!” He used a lot of profanities in that scene, but we cannot transcribe them here. The point of this digression is to warn you Lost fans: don’t go digging too deep…or you could ruin the surprise for everyf**kingone! Besides, that is what Ruben is for: ruining things.
Boom. Daniel Farraday pops out of the sub and into the veins of our eyes(?). And thus begins this week’s adventure. We got a ton of answers this week. We now know Widdmore definitely faked the plane crash. We now know that Daniel’s girlfriend’s condition, and his own, are a result of his testing his research on them. We know now for sure that Eloise Hawking is Dan’s mum. And Widdmore is his father! We know about the chain of events leading to the crash of Oceanic Flight 815. We know destiny and freewill do not like each other. We know mathematics and time travel confuse us, just like in grade school.
We, the audience, always knew these things, but now we know that they are correct. They are tiny solutions in the big equation. We speculated that Widdmore was Dan’s dad, but now we know for sure. And it still blew our minds.
How did Daniel get that DHARMA recruit photograph with the O6 in it? Did anyone notice the restaurant Eloise took her son on his graduation day? It looked to be a mid-east or Egyptian restaurant. Oh snap! Did you see Juliet’s face when Sawyer called Kate as “Freckles”? Can Miles talk to Daniel’s dead body and still change the outcome of the past/future?
Then Daniel takes time out of his busy schedule to talk to young Charlotte and confuse the hell outta us. At first he says that he felt he couldn’t change anything, that whatever happened, happened. And then he says he thinks he can change something, a variable. Then, why did he still tell young Charlotte to leave the Island? If he can change it, why tell her at all?
Then there is that unnecessary gunfight between K, D, and J, and that crazy part-time scientist, part-time mercenary Radzinksi. Seriously, why was that scene needed? Foreshadowing, we guess. Forced foreshadowing, we say. Dan gets shot then says that whole speech about people and time and death. Yada yada yada. Sometimes we wish that he would just spell it out for us. Then again, sometimes we don’t. We’d rather figure it out, like an equation. Even though Ryan hated algebra. And Ruben is so impatient he looks online for quick fixes and ends up pulling his hair because of what he knows. Maybe this is why Daniel is craxy…because of what he knows. Maybe this is why he was crying while watching the footage of the found (fake) Oceanic wreckage. His brain knew that he is involved. Somehow.
And now Eloise is pushing Dan to work for Widdmore. Why is it when Eloise and Widdmore mention the Island they say it with a weird emphasis? “I have sent my son back to the Island, knowing full well…” Then she slaps Charles and gets into a cab.
Ever since that one eppy where you can see someone moving in the background shadows, we have been searching the backgrounds of each scene, trying to find some hidden gem. Did anyone out there see anything in the background of this eppy?
For more on time travel, try reading Greg Egan or Jack Finney or Godel.
For more on The Lost Boys - email us at email@example.com