The Lost Boys (Sorry for the Delay) with Ryan and Ruben and Corey Haim

“This time is crazy…because we have been away for so long.”

                        -Ryan Buynak

Short and sweet and well traveled. The Lost Boys have been away a while…first, Austin, Texas for a Lost conference, where we presided over a discussion panel…and then Orlando to which we traveled for a Lost lab apron rare as rare can be, Dharma Initiative, type A survivor sh*t. And now a fellow Lost Boy, Corey Haim, is dead. Damn. R.I.P. C.H. and Dogen and Lennon.

We watched last-last week’s Sayid eppy while in a hotel in Austin, Texas. We laughed, we cried. We wondered to ourselves whether Sayid is a danger like our friend Vernon. And whether new sideways timeline Locke is really Locke. For some reason, this doubt struck out in our heads and tails.

Sayid is now evil. We guess. Right? Evil as can be. No? Was he always evil? He was a torturer, after all. In the sideways timeline Nadia, Sayid’s everlasting love, is with Sayid’s paternal bro? Whoa, bro! Austin, Texas is awesome! Lapidus! Keamy, the hired thug from the freighter in season five, is out and about in our flash sideways timeline, and apparently Sayid’s brother owe’s him dough. We think Keamy is still working for Widmore in this new timeline. This may explain why his thugs have Jin in a walk-in freezer. Jin is still working for Sun’s dad, Mr. Paik. Mr. Paik is in cahoots with Widmore! What the S? Kate is around and she is stupid. She finds Claire while Claire is crazy. This is like a riddle. The whole show is a riddle, of course. A riddle of crazy proportions with a biblical twist and Will-Smith-Independence-Day-like day-dreams. Three blind mice, maybe. Then all H breaks loose. Sayid is evil. He kills Dogen and Lennon. We see the Smoke Monster with people in its shadows. Human People rolling over Kate in its GoshDarn shadows! Who is part of Un-Locke’s army? Kate is not on a team but she is rollin’ with Un-Locke. Where is Saywer? Is he corruptible? We think not.

We watched last week’s Ben eppy while in an old friend’s old house in downtown Orlando, Florida. This, in Ruben’s eyes, with terrible tears, was the best eppy of the season. Ruben was moved by Michael Emerson’s Ben performance. Oscar worthy, he said, even though tv stars don’t win Oscars and neither should The Hurt Locker.

In the alternate sideways timeline Ilana is running things and Miles rats out Ben as killing Jacob. This explains Miles’ power(s). Jacob wanted to believe in Ben. In the fictional Bible, Ben and Jaob are brothers and they go on to lead different tribes if/of/or thirteen. Thus. Then. Ben tries to manipulate but can’t…not like he could in the prior scion timeline in which he is the king manipulator. He is still close to Alex…Alex Rousseau. Substitute Locke in the other timeline listens to Ben’s lowly history teacher rant (could Locke in this other alternate timeline still be the Man in Black?). On the Island, we have a crisis of faith and a restoration of everything. Richard runs into Jack and Hurley haunting through the jungle and leads them astray from the temple. Richard is Lost. Jack is f-ing crazy. Crazy awesome. Richard’s loss of faith is restored by Jack in the best scene this season, if not the entire series. The dynamite is burning down and Jack is coloring Richard Alpert with a live breakfast of fun in the midst of the Black Rock, saying things we have never heard Jack say before. This Alpert-Shepard scene was incredible! What we loved about this episode, just to let everyone know this episode was directed by Mario Van Peebles, yes, this episode, is that scene with Jack and Richard. Again, It was amazing! We even talked about-about it with an old toothless lady on the Southwest flight back to NYC. She said it was horsesh*t, but she was drunk. Ilana is like Michelle Rodriquez. Also, we liked that William Atherton was in this eppy, the evil guy from movies like Biodome, Ghostbusters, Real Genius, etc. And the cheesy end, with the parascope, and low and behold, Charles Widmore. He has been missing. In the narrative forever. We were wondering when he would resurface. Ha ha, get it? Resurface. We are glad to see him. Where does he fall in all this MIB-vs-Jacob mess? Is Widmore a candidate?

What does it all mean?

We shall see.

Don’t ever give up.

Over and out.