Tonight on Sirius - Lana from The LANALOGUE

I will be on the Derek and Romaine show on Sirius XM Satellite Radio tonight at 8:05 pm talking about the lanalogue and other funny stuff. Channel OutQ, Sirius 109 and XM 98. Please call in questions 866-305-6887. For those who don't subscribe ...to Sirius, a free online trial is available at http://www.sirius.com/outq - look for the free online trial link. Hope to hear from you!

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It's News But Not For Mensa Members (10/20)

Talk about bad timing! Just days after being arrested on suspicion of drunk driving in Hollywood, Stephanie Pratt will appear on The Hills, confronting Heidi Montag about her sister Holly’s “out of control” drinking.
(On the Hills (or any of these shows for that matter) there is no such thing as good or bad, there's just timing.)

Jon Gosselin was in the audience at Sunday night’s “Values to Heal America” event at Central Synagogue, where he took to the microphone to ask the panel members how he could instill values in his children despite his ugly divorce. Panelist Newark Mayor Cory Booker told him “he needed to be a shining example of righteous behavior,” panelist Dr. Oz told him “he needs to respect other people” and panelist Elie Wiesel said he “needed to make sure he didn’t get carried away with fame.”
(His 'fresh from the rack' urban outfitter shirts are pretty 'righteous.' Does that count?)

Britney Spear’s body “looked better than it has in years” on the set of her new video “3,” stylist GK Reid tells The Post. The energized singer munched on sushi “instead of junk food, and even sang live with the words.”
(Since when is it news that a person who makes their living as a singer "actually sings live with the words?" And by the way, what was she supposed to sing with, those funny noises the guy from the Police Academy movies makes? Not to mention, is someone who's being paid by Britney Spears a reliable source for Britney Spears information?)

Lindsay Lohan and Balthazar Getty were “all over each other” last week at L.A. spot Voyeur.
(Do you think she just hires a mobile STD clinic to follow here around? BTW does anyone know what it's like to kiss fake lips? I've always wondered that.)

Russell Brand and Katy Perry were photographed smooching outside a party in the Hollywood Hills.
(Hopefully they can get a blown up copy for themselves to hang on the wall with that romantic, blurry effect that's required on every Long Island wedding photo.)

Criminal charges would be filed next week against the parents of the “Balloon Boy” hoax. Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden said last night that the couple “could probably avoid prison” even if convicted of conspiracy and contributing to the delinquency of a minor – but that they could be slapped with $2 million in fines by the FAA. Meanwhile, Richard Heene’s friends and associates have come forward to tell cops about his wacky ideas, as well as to provide information about his long-buried criminal past (he was jailed for 30 days in 1997 for vandalism) and to suggest domestic abuse. In other news, Sheriff's officials interviewed Heene’s associate Robert Thomas on Sunday, after he revealed that Heene was planning a media stunt to promote the show.
(Funny thing is, if this guy worked for an advertising agency or PR firm, he'd probably be revered as a genius. Fortunately for the real geniuses back here in NY, he's just some a$$hole from Colorado.)

KCo's Corner (by KCo)

The Rachael Zoe Project

We are in Paris with everyone on Team Zoe except Taylor? I mean why couldn’t Taylor have gone. Rachael brought her hair guy, her assistant, Brad, hell even Rodger went. But I suppose he had to leave Taylor in case there is a fashion emergency in LA. I mean all anyone has to do is walk into a Koo Koo Roo to find some aging actress in sweatpants and UGGS. Now that’s a real fashion emergency.I mean leaving Taylor certainly wasn’t a cost cutting measure since everyone is staying in the George V.

So we see Brad fulfilling his dreams by going to virtually every fashion show in Paris – Ungaro, McCartney, Galliano, Chanel…meanwhile Rodger is out sightseeing with the hair guy. How romantic.

Brad isn’t the only one on Team Zoe with a fashion make a wish moment. Rachael gets a private tour of Coco Chanel’s apartment. A beyond out of control moment.

And what does Taylor get for staying home? A Hermes bracelet….I’m not sure that will suffice but its better when I get left home from a business tripJ I just get everybody else’s work.

Ok so now we are caught up and ready for the Zoe finale…so exciting!

We kick it off with Brad in short shorts…not a good look on anyone I’ve determined.

Rachael gets a job with V Magazine styling a Xanadu shoot. Of course, Brad find much of what he needs for this 80’s moment in American Apparel.

Taylor is still pissed from the Paris incident and is at her breaking point. She finally confronts Rachael after complaining to mommy and daddy….god her mother is really freakish with a totally age inappropriate outfit and hairstyle…

Rachael seems ready to let Taylor go but her vertigo gets the best of her and she decides that she needs help. So Rodger becomes the new boss and Taylor finally gets her promotion to the Head of Product Development for Rachael Zoe Inc.

Totally anti-climatic…..


Flipping Out

Ok if you haven’t seen Jenni’s rap on Watch What Happens Live you need to check it out…she’s hilarious. And as Jeff says “if you entertain me, that’s job security”. And Jenni sure does that especially in this episode as we are introduced to her alter ego and Jeff’s favorite employee, Deb.

Jenni channels Deb when it’s time to get tough. Deb is basically a tough talking lonely lesbian. Deb scares the shit out of people and is a total straight shooter. She gets the contractors on track and the bills paid.

Jeff employs one of two tactics when times get tough 1) Deb 2) The Smock. Deb is reserved for those outside the office and The Smock is used for bad behavior in the office. So Jeff’s new assistant has to wear The Smock after she takes the company credit card and forgets to give it back to Jeff. The Smock looks like a hazmat suit that white gauzy shapeless bodysuit. So she’s forced to wear it all day at Starbuck’s and the job sites. Sexy.

So this past week’s episode was a bit different than usual. Jeff is finishing up Chazz’s salon and he ends up having to deal with the homeless woman who has been living outside of the building for over a decade. In Jeff’s usually callous style, he is convinced that she is defacating outside and wants to move her to a shelter asap. Ok he’s probably right but there’s a story about her – her name is Spirit and Chazz is very attached and protective about her. But Jeff tells us that he only has three fears in life – 1) Drag Queens 2) Clowns and 3) Homeless people.

And poor Zoila…Jeff thinks that she is slacking so what does Jeff do? He buys a Roomba. Zoila is devastated by this and to make matters worse Jett makes a joke about the Roomba replacing her. Zoila starts to cry and is really upset. But in the end Jeff defends her and gets rid of the Roomba mostly because the dogs were freaked out as well.

And then to make matters more depressing…we find out that Spirit died in the middle of the night. Spirits passing makes Jeff realize that life is short and precious so he ends up calling Ryan.

Season finale on Tuesday so we will see if they make amends…

My Advice to Christian Siriano

I recently met Christian Sirano, last year's winner from Project Runway. I figured he would welcome a little unsolicited advice (because everyone loves that every once in a while):

1) Be nice. You have been famous for a hot minute and people who don't watch Project Runway, don't know you (and even people who do, can't remember who won from seasons 1-4).
2) Get a new haircut. That Kate Gosselin look you are rollin' with has gots-to-go.
3) Don't ever do that pose again. Ever.

That's it. Bye.

5 Dumbest Celeb Monday Tweets (and it Ain't Even 9:30AM)

Lisa_Veronica Sooo.... I just had a ghost experience in my hotel suite.. Thank goodness we are leaving!!!! Freaked.out.about 2 hours ago

(Hey Lisa! I know who you should call.)

LizzieGrubman Good morning!about 2 hours ago

(There's something about her pic, combined with that tweet ...)

AhmetZappa Sunday was a jam packed fun filled movie day and boy oh boy did I get a lot of mega cute dog kisses. I'm sorry that monday is here again.about 4 hours ago
(and we're sorry you're tweeting)

ParisHilton Going to bed. Tweet dreams Everyone! xoxo Parisabout 4 hours ago

(Another clever catchphrase from Paris)

iamdiddy Every party was sold out this weekend thanks to you Guys! I love you Atl! Dirty money loves you!Till next time!about 5 hours ago

(Well, now that I know Dirty Money loves me ... I can get on with my Monday)

KCO's Corner (posted by KCo)

The Rachael Zoe Project

I have to admit that she’s growing on me. She’s weakened me because I’ve realized that I could really use her right now since I have no idea what to wear and can’t remember what I wore this time last year. So I’d like Rachael to pop into my closet and help sort things out. If not Rachael then can I at least wish for California Closets so I can see what I own? Is that too much to ask?
Last weeks episode, we go with Rachael to a Piperlime shoot. I have to say I didn’t know they had clothes so I got a bit distracted and decided to online shop with watching. Cute stuff!
Rachael also is working with Ashton on a webisode called Blah Girls, an animated series. She is charged with styling the Blah Girls for their prom. It’s really cute and Rachael is filmed live action style talking to the Blah Girls on a green screen. The Ashton guest appearance was the best part of this show since he’s on my “list”. Why do I still love him? He really is famous for nothing other than marrying Demi Moore. And I love how he and Demi call Rachael to thank her for her work on Blah Girls which turns into a conversation on how much they love the Real Housewives of Atlanta. How cute!
The episode ends with Rachael doubled over in pain and heads to bed sick. It’s too bad that Taylor had been circling her all day to have a conversation about her career. She looks like she’s actually about to have the conversation when Zoe bursts out that Taylor is her precious jewel and that if Zoe had children that she would leave them to Taylor if she died. Ok that was upbeat and Taylor would be the last person she should leave a child filled with hope with. How old is Zoe? I think her baby days are over.
With this past week's eppy we have one more episode until the season finale and I think I’m ready. I’ve had enough. The only thing that I’m holding onto is the latest storyline where were suppose to believe that she is deathly ill. I was more worried that she might be pregnant since she is the world’s oldest thirty something year old. But no not pregnant and not on death watch but she has f’in vertigo. Really? Isn’t that a made up disease? Bravo couldn’t come up with something better than that?
I really enjoyed watching Rachel pulled together what looked like an amazing auction supporting Ovarian Cancer. Her jewelry collection is bananas! Unbelievable…
Lastly what’s up with Brad and Taylor …not much except a passive aggressive fight about who goes to Paris Fashion Week. Taylor really doesn’t want to go anyways since she is a shut in and Brad has to go since it’s his gay boy dream. Brad wins since Rachel who hates confrontation makes Taylor make the decision and she decides to let Brad go – I’m sure she won’t hold that over his head.


Flipping Out

I love how immature Jeff is. When faced with two paint colors, he simply can’t keep it together especially with a name like Pearl Necklace.
Ryan is acting really strange and its putting a wedge in their relationship. So Jeff decides to spend time with Chloe (Ryan’s daughter) by taking her out to lunch. He may be in the running with Taylor for the worst guardian. After all , he taught Chloe lots of questionable tricks like answering “What’s your favorite drink?” with “Chardonnay” – she’s only two people (it is funny). He also taught her to lift up her shirt and yell “Girls Gone Wild”.
Then in a weird moment of deep thoughts, Jeff actually admits why he feels a special connection to Chloe. Basically if he hadn’t messed up his relationship with Ryan – Chloe could have been his?
Jeff’s intern, Trace, comes to work in very short shorts which is highly disturbing to Jeff. Jeff sends him home because he didn’t want to see the outline of his dick all day. NICE! Or he could send Trace to West Hollywood to run errands all day.
The biggest shocker comes when Jeff decides to snoop around on Ryan and discovers that Ryan is buying Jeff’s name on Google Search to capitalize on Jeff’s fame. Totally sketch. More to come next week when we witness the big smackdown.
As much as I love Jeff Lewis and those luscious lips, truly nothing happened in this past week's episode (and not the nothing in early Seinfeld episodes I mean truly nothing). Ryan decides to move to Santa Barbara – big whoop! Then Jeff confronts Ryan about all of the things he’s discovered about his sketchy ways. Really?