It's News But Not For Mensa Members (10/20)

Talk about bad timing! Just days after being arrested on suspicion of drunk driving in Hollywood, Stephanie Pratt will appear on The Hills, confronting Heidi Montag about her sister Holly’s “out of control” drinking.
(On the Hills (or any of these shows for that matter) there is no such thing as good or bad, there's just timing.)

Jon Gosselin was in the audience at Sunday night’s “Values to Heal America” event at Central Synagogue, where he took to the microphone to ask the panel members how he could instill values in his children despite his ugly divorce. Panelist Newark Mayor Cory Booker told him “he needed to be a shining example of righteous behavior,” panelist Dr. Oz told him “he needs to respect other people” and panelist Elie Wiesel said he “needed to make sure he didn’t get carried away with fame.”
(His 'fresh from the rack' urban outfitter shirts are pretty 'righteous.' Does that count?)

Britney Spear’s body “looked better than it has in years” on the set of her new video “3,” stylist GK Reid tells The Post. The energized singer munched on sushi “instead of junk food, and even sang live with the words.”
(Since when is it news that a person who makes their living as a singer "actually sings live with the words?" And by the way, what was she supposed to sing with, those funny noises the guy from the Police Academy movies makes? Not to mention, is someone who's being paid by Britney Spears a reliable source for Britney Spears information?)

Lindsay Lohan and Balthazar Getty were “all over each other” last week at L.A. spot Voyeur.
(Do you think she just hires a mobile STD clinic to follow here around? BTW does anyone know what it's like to kiss fake lips? I've always wondered that.)

Russell Brand and Katy Perry were photographed smooching outside a party in the Hollywood Hills.
(Hopefully they can get a blown up copy for themselves to hang on the wall with that romantic, blurry effect that's required on every Long Island wedding photo.)

Criminal charges would be filed next week against the parents of the “Balloon Boy” hoax. Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden said last night that the couple “could probably avoid prison” even if convicted of conspiracy and contributing to the delinquency of a minor – but that they could be slapped with $2 million in fines by the FAA. Meanwhile, Richard Heene’s friends and associates have come forward to tell cops about his wacky ideas, as well as to provide information about his long-buried criminal past (he was jailed for 30 days in 1997 for vandalism) and to suggest domestic abuse. In other news, Sheriff's officials interviewed Heene’s associate Robert Thomas on Sunday, after he revealed that Heene was planning a media stunt to promote the show.
(Funny thing is, if this guy worked for an advertising agency or PR firm, he'd probably be revered as a genius. Fortunately for the real geniuses back here in NY, he's just some a$$hole from Colorado.)