True Blood with Nick

“Nothing But the Blood”

Umm intense much?

The premier episode begins with the cliffhanger of season 1 and it turns out that the body in the car is Miss Jeanette, not Lafayette, oh and her heart is ripped out and her face looks like a Halloween mask, INTENSE.

Lafayette is chained to a pole in Eric’s (the blond vampire) basement with a few other prisoners who are all chained to this rotating pole device. The whole scene was gritty, dirty and, well, did we really need to witness explosive diarrhea? INTENSE.

Maryann told off Tara’s loser mother in full intense awesomeness. Later they show Sam visiting Maryann’s home and then it cuts to a flashback of him when he was 17 and Maryann in full cougar-mode, who appears to be the same age as she is in present day. In the flashback the two of them share an intense sex scene with her doing all sorts of weird-hyper-vibrate-movements that would make me run very far away. INTENSE.
Ohh and “NOBODY NEEDED TOWELLS” was classic.

Just when you think, “can we relax” Sookie finds out Bill killed her great-uncle (because he molested her when she was a child) and when she goes to his house to yell at him they end up getting naked, with boobies and everything, which was slightly weird to watch when you know that they’re a real life couple, it’s like peeking in someone’s bedroom window. INTENSE.

On a lighter side of things, Andy the detective is still a dumbass because he’s wrong all the time, which is a great laugh, Jessica (Bill’s daughter-like vampire) is still super annoying and Jason Stackhouse has become as religious as Spencer Pratt.

All in all True Blood is back with great acting, the same season one feel, and an intriguing direction (Maryann).

Overall 10 outta 10

Thoughts on True Blood? Happy with the first eppy? Email us @ lanalogue@gmail.com