Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Why Isn't Anyone Writing About My Life On The D List? (by KCo)

Kathy Griffin and My Life on the D of my favorite shows. Yes, I do realize that she is incredibly polarizing but I figure if you read the LANALOGUE then you can handle Kathy Griffin (a special shout out to LANALOGGER, Evan Chodos for making my dreams come true and taking me to see her at MSG a few months ago).

Episode 1
The first episode of the season featured Bette Midler - Ok I will admit that this first episode was not the typical one and it turned into an hour long interview with Bette Midler (Hi green sequins pants). Anyway. Kathy did a special appearance in Bette's Vegas show and the highlights include:
1) Seeing Kathy's body- actually she has a great body surprisingly or maybe not since she is basically a young version of Joan Rivers...good thing since that face well...honestly i think the bangs need a total re-do...
2) Oh the deep fried Oreos and Twinkies...yum - I need to go to Vegas asap
3) Crazy African American lady in Happy Birthday scene

OK, so it wasn't my favorite episode but i will hang in there waiting for a gem and there's nothing else to watch well except the Real Housewives of New Jersey but I digress...

Episode 2
I don't really get the obsession with getting a Grammy. I'd rather witness another obsession like Kathy trying to become BFF with Heidi and Spencer so she can infiltrate, turn on them and humiliate them but that's not happening.
Well finally after a year of campaigning, Kathy was finally nominated for a Grammy. However, she soon realizes that she really has to fight for a nomination since she's up against George Carlin. What ensued was Kathy's own personal Grammy Telethon where she enlisted her mother, her housekeeper and her man servant, Tom. I loved hearing her mother Maggie cold call the Chemical Brothers and T Pain trying to get them to vote for Kathy.
She then goes to Canada to perform which was pretty uneventful with the exception of the hotel manager, Howard who stalks Kathy the whole time. The Lily Tomlin guest appearance wasn't all that exciting except I was wondering why I am always the last to know...Lily Tomlin is gay? The jean jacket should have been a dead giveaway? But I did enjoy the call to Liza Minnelli who was a lot less crazy than I would have imagined.

Episode 3
A medley of what Kathy does best - one liners, gay best friends/assistants and fun celebs. If you consider Paula Deen a celeb, but then again anyone that starts a successful food empire in her 40's, cooks with full fat, has fabulous, voluminous hair and a contagious laugh is OK in my book.
We finally get some well-deserved closure on whether or not Kathy will win a Grammy - spoiler alert - she does not (shocker) - George Carlin wins. Following the Grammy's (or as Kathy calls it the Schammy',s because technically its the pre-Grammy's which occurs in the bright light of day), Kathy and man-servant, Tom bury their feelings in a plate of nachos at some LA dive in their Sunday best.
On to Paula Deen who sends Kathy into a pure panic when she invites Kathy to Savannah to spend time at her house. Kathy's motivation in going is to "f&ck one of the sons". Pleasant and hopefully they were forewarned because while I love her comic genius, she dated Steve Wosniak of Apple fame (no not the one with the liver transplant that's Steve Jobs. I'm referring to the mini troll/nerd who did the worm on DWTS).
Paula has forewarned Kathy that she will need to cook something, so Kathy and her delightful mother, Maggie brainstorm potential delicacies such as ham and spinach roll ups and sloppy joes with wine. Ah the cooking skills of the Irish!
Moments into meeting Paula, Kathy accidentally hits Paula in the face with a switch. What a way to make friends...Paula was a great sport about it though. Kathy pulled herself together after the switch incident and felt much more at home when she met Brandon - Paula's own gay assistant.
While at Paula's, we get introduced to a Deen family phrase, "Turd Alert" which is a signal to all that one of Paula's many dogs has released a turd in the house...gross. I really don't like the thought of loose turds in a house of a cook. I hope the Food Network doesn't film at Paula's house.
The food competition gets underway and the pressure is on. Tiffany creates her own dish called Tiffalada's, Michael McDonald makes scallops?, Tom makes Frat Boy Pizza - so a real expert, high class cook off. And of course, Kathy makes her famous Cake Soup. Cake Soup became famous last season when after Kathy successfully diets and is featured in Life & Style magazine she breaks her diet or fast with Cake Soup - what is Cake Soup? Get out your pen and paper for this complicated recipe - 2 pieces of chocolate cake and a pint of vanilla ice cream blended in a mixer. yum! Prepping my fridge now for my next binge now!
At dinner, Kathy manages to make Paula's son feel extremely uncomfortable, but he successfully avoids her advances. Luckily Paula's gay, Brandon, is drunk and distracting, so the son can escape unharmed. Tom, however, does not survive dinner without getting humiliated when Kathy brings up his tikitilamania...look it up.
To close out episode 3, i think we saved the best one liners for last...
"We need a giracle" - a gay miracle - have to add that to the lexicon
"I want to get my period and pistol whip you with my tampon" - hope my mother isn't reading this. Not very lady- like, but she's no lady.