Thursday, July 2, 2009

Why Isn't Anyone Writing About My Life On The D List? (posted by KCo)

Hi! Lana here. I just wanted to say that this was one of my favorite columns of all time because it incorporated the words:
Teabagging, Fisting, Bravolebrity, ContraDICKS & Angry Badger.

Why aren't I watching My Life on the D-List?
And now .. I give you ... KCo ....

Why Isn't Anyone Writing About My Life On The D List?
Finally an episode on Young Hollywood!!!!!!!! Gotta love the tips on how Kathy can friend this demographic:
1) Dress immature
2) Facebook
3) Hang out with young A-listers
4) Get on a "young show" like on the CW

So apparently Gossip Girl passed on Kathy due to scheduling ok. That's too bad because I could really see Kathy as the new Irish maid. But Privileged snatched her up thanks to one of her gays who happened to be the casting director. Didn't that show get cancelled? My favorite part of her #4 on her to do list get on CW was her tip on how to look better on camera...Vaseline the hell out of the lens a la Cybil Sheppard in Moonlighting.

OK on to challenge #2 the Facebook page or as Maggie calls it Face Place. Kathy decides to put Maggie in charge of updating her page. Maggie thinks that it sounds like a lot of work and she simply doesn't have that kind of time. Kathy, however, does not give up and tells Maggie that she's a "momager" and she "could learn a few things from Dina and Lynn" (please you know exactly who I'm talking about). Maggie's first task is to cyber-bully Ryan Seacrest...oh goody. Kathy writes on Ryan's wall, "So happy for your success - enjoy your fisting session tonight". Then she begs her mother to complete her status "Kathy is..." with Kathy is teabagging Nick Cannon. Maggie can't accept the job and she doesn't do teabagging (btw...whatever that is). Then Maggie concludes the wall updating session by reading a recent post to Kathy's wall, "B&tch needs to be muzzled 4 eva".

Next stop on our list #1 and 4 - Dress immature and hang out with a young A-lister. Done and done by getting ready to hang with Paris Hilton. Cut to getting dressed montage. She is advised not to wear a bra. She proceeds to stroll down Robertson lifting up her dress to get the young Hollywood shot. Kathy meets Paris at Kitson, of course! What ensues is a shopping competition and a pose off. Oh and a tutorial in Paris' lexicon of cool...we learn her new catch phrase..."this dress is so SICK". Kathy adds her own spin by adding that the dress is so sick that it is actually vomiting. And Paris educates us that she has moved on from "HOT" to "HUGE" - all in her creepy, baby accent. And to add insult to injury the check out girl calls Kathy "Katie" after Kathy spends nearly 15K (She beat Paris by 2K). Kathy needs a bathing suit for her next outing with Paris and the bathing suit must read "accessible but you can't rape me"(That's quite a brief). During this bit of bonding/girl talk, Paris informs Kathy that "only ugly girls go down on their knees". Kathy is not buying that from Paris. Didn't we see video that contraDICKS that? PS - In the middle of all this, Jill Zarin enters into Kitson. Uh oh a competing Bravolebrity.

Paris and Kathy go poolside where Kathy decides that she wants to play a game of "Either/Or" with Paris. Paris answers the mundane but freezes when Kathy asks her missionary or on top. Kathy creates a new position that she has named the Angry Badger.

So now that we are a few episodes in, it is clear that each episode has her "new friend" calling a celeb that Kathy wouldn't have access to. So in comes Snoop who is such a trooper and is the only one who doesn't rebuff Kathy's advances. I think he actually would hit that...and boy that's a lot of pot. I think Kathy was really turned on because Snoop actually had hold music on his cell phone. So catch that Team Griffin...that's your next task.

Paris' night is Mr Chow, then Apple, followed by 3 after parties. Kathy is not game as she would rather order pizza and watch Sober House. That sounds nice. I love Dr Drew. In the cold light of the next day, Kathy has buyers remorse "that shit is going back to Kitson asap".
We wrap it up with Kathy firing Maggie because she's not accepting friends and writing weird things on the wall like a drunken video log.
Until next week - have a happy 4th!