So on this week's episode of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List, we watch Kathy help her mom, Maggie fill out her bucket list. It makes me think that I really need to get going on mine (that may be too depressing a summertime activity, don't you think?).
But before they do that, Kathy needs to get her agent on the phone...she wants an endorsement deal and quick to which her agent becomes speechless. She yells, "What would I be the face of?" Dildos? People associate her since New Year's with d&ck in your mouth jokes so it would be a natural fit. Hmm...what about a book? She gets lots of requests for those apparently... That's it! A book about her mother! And Mother is going down pretty hard.
Off to Random House dressed like an author in a fur stole, glen plaid and glasses.
The Editors ask her , "What are your favorite authors and books?" Silence. Steele, Oscar Wilde, Hemingway...yeah right. The discussion around the press launch for the book gets a little complicated when she realizes that she might be relegated to the fourth hour of the Today Show. She only wants Matt - she's too big for Hoda and Kathy Lee. And from there it's just downhill...Leno - banned, Jon Stewart - banned, Martha- banned. Kathy finally admits that she hasn't read a book since last weeks US Weekly. Sorry Lana - let's just say it was People.
So on to writing Maggie's bucket list...in order:
1) See a nice play here and there
2) Go out to dinner
3) Good night's sleep
4) A good BM
5) Oh and she'd like to go to the wine section of CA (aka wine country)
6) Love to meet Betty White (yeah me too she's spunky)
7) Love to meet Don Rickles
8) Love to meet Stephanie Powers (my mind is blank - who the hell is she? Oh right - Heart to Heart - ok its been a rough week).
Pilates with Stephanie Powers - "like being at a gay bar on free drink night - lot of butt work" according to Kathy Griffin. And apparently we're not stopping until you can bounce a dime off of Maggie's a$$. Kathy's imitation of her mother reacting to what would have happened if Kathy suggested doing Pilates was classic.
Kathy: "I'm not doing any goddam pilates - jesus h christ on the cross - pass me the wine before i slap your smart mouth".
Kathy: "I'm not doing any goddam pilates - jesus h christ on the cross - pass me the wine before i slap your smart mouth".
Next stop, The Sizzler, in comes Betty White! Boy, do they enjoy the all you can eat salad bar. They play a quick game of password, which Maggie messes up by saying the actual word, but hey she's bumping up against 90. Cue theme music from Golden Girls and bring in the cheesecake. Another make a wish achieved.
Next stop the wine section of CA! Off we go in a party bus, with a stripper pole no less.
Kathy doesn't drink in the "wine section" because she can't be more loose - "what can i drink to make me more conservative and have better judgement?"
Maggie puts it away at the tasting and drinks everyone under the table.
Last but not least enter Don Rickles who visits Maggie and Kathy at Kathy's house. Maggie is so excited that she practically doesn't let him leave. Maggie was so sweet. Don reminded her of her late husband John.
Loved what the producers did at the end by interviewing Don Rickles who says that his visit was long and boring and that Kathy lives on a hill, on top of a tree, on top of a forest. Very inconvenient.
Next week Rosie - yeah!!!!!!! My two favorites Rosie and Kathy in one episode - dreams do come true! I know. What can I say? I like women who say whatever the hell they want, especially if it's to Elizabeth Hasselbeck.
