Sunday, July 19, 2009

Why Isn't Anyone Writing About My Life on the D-List (posted by KCo)

First off we get a good look at Kathy's home...and I had to ask myself "Did they shoot "Date My Ex" here?" Her pool looks super familiar. Ohh! I miss Jo and Slade. He really is the ultimate d-bag but he really is great TV. I digress ...

Kathy is obsessed with owning a second home because that's another trapping of an A-lister. So she decides to go to Star Island - of course. So off to Miami she goes to meet with none other than Gloria Estefan and Rosie.

Humidity and Kathy's hair are not a good combo. At all. Really hideous. In fact, she needs a case of that new No Frizz product. I think only scientists at MIT can fix that mop.

Kathy enlists Rosie, Gloria and a gay realtor in a multi- million dollar house search ($14-50MM). We see a house that Mariah use to rent. Apparently she had one room filled with clothes, when she really only wore cut offs and a wife beater. Gee, I wonder if she cut off the waist bands? Mariah - such a visionary - really she could claim that she invented low rise jeans, right?

Kathy has an outburst in one of the homes when she finds out that the owners were friends with Ron and Nancy. She has a 30 second Republican bashing tirade. I wish it were longer but how many Republicans are watching Bravo?

In the second home, we see some really strange stuff. I guess that happens when you have so much money that you can buy a second home (for $50MM.) Kathy is greeted at the second home by a stuffed dog. Yup. So creepy. Kathy then ponders if she should stuff Chance and Pom Pom when they are gone. Oh and we also find a casket in the bedroom.

Kathy finally lands on her last and final house. This one supposedly has a "soft listing" (between $17-20MM). Kathy decides that it is time to negotiate. She consults her A List friends - Gloria and Ro. At the girls sleepover at Gloria's she tells the girls that she slept with Jack Black...twice in her mind. She also tells them that she is indeed one step closer to A list status since she now has a book deal. Rosie loves her title "Official Book Club Selection". Genius!

Gloria also tells Kathy that another notch on her A-lister belt would be to have her own hotel (just like Gloria!). Kathy gets a call from a guest complaining about loud music from one of the rooms and she needs to hush them up. In the room she finds a bunch of "Elways" or as Kathy has dubbed them "Tards" - getting trashed.

My favorite moment of this episode is when Kathy is in a boat (Michael Moore style) screaming for all of the celebs to come out of their homes. We are greeted by Rosie who gives us a full on Irish moon. Yup. Not pretty.

Gloria, Rosie and Kathy head to lunch at Gloria's restaurant, Larios. Gloria has Kathy try oxtail by not informing her that she was actually eating. When it comes to dessert, Gloria orders flan. What other desserts are there really )Flan was always my go to dessert in 8th grade Spanish class whenever I needed to finish a sentence about what one would eat). Rosie will NOT eat the flan because she thinks flan = mucus. I can't say i disagree. Gloria will not take no for an answer so tries to convince Rosie that she's just never had the right flan. Rosie says that's like what people say to her about men. You just haven't met the right one. Nope - Rosie doesn't want a man or flan.

So she finally decides to offer $1.7MM - to which the realtor says you could buy the pool house or ... turn that into a respectable security deposit. Kathy walks and bursts her dreams of second home ownership.

That concludes this weeks turn on the D-List. See you next week!