It's News: but not for mensa members 11/17

Barron Hilton had “Burglar Bunch” ringleader Nicholas Prugo kicked out of West Hollywood hot spot Voyeur on Saturday night.
(To which Nicholas responded: "Barron who? Do you mean Donald's son? Isn't he like 3?")

A Beverly Hills company is formulating a line of “Antiquity” fragrances based on the DNA of dead celebrities including Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson and Albert Einstein.
(Oh honey. Is that rotting corpse you're wearing?)

Janet Jackson told Robin Roberts she believes Dr. Conrad Murray is “responsible” for brother Michael Jackson’s death. Murray, meanwhile, narrowly avoided jail yesterday by striking a last-minute child support deal with the mother of his 11-year-old son.
(And to think I get stressed about meeting some stupid work deadline. This guy’s got “Killed Michael Jackson” and “Go to jail for being a deadbeat dad” on his plate.)


Mischa Barton has been on her best behavior since she was spotted “looking wobbly” at a Halloween party. The actress has been seen out drinking around NYC - but word is she’s had complete control of herself.
(Two weeks of complete control? Wow? )

T.I. will marry longtime girlfriend Tameka (Tiny) Cottle when he’s sprung from jail.
(It’s so romantic to be proposed to from jail. You know it’s coming from the heart and not the disillusionment of being pent up in a cell surrounded by thuggy men.)

Tonight on Sirius - Lana from The LANALOGUE

I will be on the Derek and Romaine show on Sirius XM Satellite Radio tonight at 8:05 pm talking about the lanalogue and other funny stuff. Channel OutQ, Sirius 109 and XM 98. Please call in questions 866-305-6887. For those who don't subscribe ...to Sirius, a free online trial is available at http://www.sirius.com/outq - look for the free online trial link. Hope to hear from you!

To sign up for The LANALOGUE newsletter - email me at lanalogue.com

It's News But Not For Mensa Members (10/20)

Talk about bad timing! Just days after being arrested on suspicion of drunk driving in Hollywood, Stephanie Pratt will appear on The Hills, confronting Heidi Montag about her sister Holly’s “out of control” drinking.
(On the Hills (or any of these shows for that matter) there is no such thing as good or bad, there's just timing.)

Jon Gosselin was in the audience at Sunday night’s “Values to Heal America” event at Central Synagogue, where he took to the microphone to ask the panel members how he could instill values in his children despite his ugly divorce. Panelist Newark Mayor Cory Booker told him “he needed to be a shining example of righteous behavior,” panelist Dr. Oz told him “he needs to respect other people” and panelist Elie Wiesel said he “needed to make sure he didn’t get carried away with fame.”
(His 'fresh from the rack' urban outfitter shirts are pretty 'righteous.' Does that count?)

Britney Spear’s body “looked better than it has in years” on the set of her new video “3,” stylist GK Reid tells The Post. The energized singer munched on sushi “instead of junk food, and even sang live with the words.”
(Since when is it news that a person who makes their living as a singer "actually sings live with the words?" And by the way, what was she supposed to sing with, those funny noises the guy from the Police Academy movies makes? Not to mention, is someone who's being paid by Britney Spears a reliable source for Britney Spears information?)

Lindsay Lohan and Balthazar Getty were “all over each other” last week at L.A. spot Voyeur.
(Do you think she just hires a mobile STD clinic to follow here around? BTW does anyone know what it's like to kiss fake lips? I've always wondered that.)

Russell Brand and Katy Perry were photographed smooching outside a party in the Hollywood Hills.
(Hopefully they can get a blown up copy for themselves to hang on the wall with that romantic, blurry effect that's required on every Long Island wedding photo.)

Criminal charges would be filed next week against the parents of the “Balloon Boy” hoax. Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden said last night that the couple “could probably avoid prison” even if convicted of conspiracy and contributing to the delinquency of a minor – but that they could be slapped with $2 million in fines by the FAA. Meanwhile, Richard Heene’s friends and associates have come forward to tell cops about his wacky ideas, as well as to provide information about his long-buried criminal past (he was jailed for 30 days in 1997 for vandalism) and to suggest domestic abuse. In other news, Sheriff's officials interviewed Heene’s associate Robert Thomas on Sunday, after he revealed that Heene was planning a media stunt to promote the show.
(Funny thing is, if this guy worked for an advertising agency or PR firm, he'd probably be revered as a genius. Fortunately for the real geniuses back here in NY, he's just some a$$hole from Colorado.)

KCo's Corner (by KCo)

The Rachael Zoe Project

We are in Paris with everyone on Team Zoe except Taylor? I mean why couldn’t Taylor have gone. Rachael brought her hair guy, her assistant, Brad, hell even Rodger went. But I suppose he had to leave Taylor in case there is a fashion emergency in LA. I mean all anyone has to do is walk into a Koo Koo Roo to find some aging actress in sweatpants and UGGS. Now that’s a real fashion emergency.I mean leaving Taylor certainly wasn’t a cost cutting measure since everyone is staying in the George V.

So we see Brad fulfilling his dreams by going to virtually every fashion show in Paris – Ungaro, McCartney, Galliano, Chanel…meanwhile Rodger is out sightseeing with the hair guy. How romantic.

Brad isn’t the only one on Team Zoe with a fashion make a wish moment. Rachael gets a private tour of Coco Chanel’s apartment. A beyond out of control moment.

And what does Taylor get for staying home? A Hermes bracelet….I’m not sure that will suffice but its better when I get left home from a business tripJ I just get everybody else’s work.

Ok so now we are caught up and ready for the Zoe finale…so exciting!

We kick it off with Brad in short shorts…not a good look on anyone I’ve determined.

Rachael gets a job with V Magazine styling a Xanadu shoot. Of course, Brad find much of what he needs for this 80’s moment in American Apparel.

Taylor is still pissed from the Paris incident and is at her breaking point. She finally confronts Rachael after complaining to mommy and daddy….god her mother is really freakish with a totally age inappropriate outfit and hairstyle…

Rachael seems ready to let Taylor go but her vertigo gets the best of her and she decides that she needs help. So Rodger becomes the new boss and Taylor finally gets her promotion to the Head of Product Development for Rachael Zoe Inc.

Totally anti-climatic…..


Flipping Out

Ok if you haven’t seen Jenni’s rap on Watch What Happens Live you need to check it out…she’s hilarious. And as Jeff says “if you entertain me, that’s job security”. And Jenni sure does that especially in this episode as we are introduced to her alter ego and Jeff’s favorite employee, Deb.

Jenni channels Deb when it’s time to get tough. Deb is basically a tough talking lonely lesbian. Deb scares the shit out of people and is a total straight shooter. She gets the contractors on track and the bills paid.

Jeff employs one of two tactics when times get tough 1) Deb 2) The Smock. Deb is reserved for those outside the office and The Smock is used for bad behavior in the office. So Jeff’s new assistant has to wear The Smock after she takes the company credit card and forgets to give it back to Jeff. The Smock looks like a hazmat suit that white gauzy shapeless bodysuit. So she’s forced to wear it all day at Starbuck’s and the job sites. Sexy.

So this past week’s episode was a bit different than usual. Jeff is finishing up Chazz’s salon and he ends up having to deal with the homeless woman who has been living outside of the building for over a decade. In Jeff’s usually callous style, he is convinced that she is defacating outside and wants to move her to a shelter asap. Ok he’s probably right but there’s a story about her – her name is Spirit and Chazz is very attached and protective about her. But Jeff tells us that he only has three fears in life – 1) Drag Queens 2) Clowns and 3) Homeless people.

And poor Zoila…Jeff thinks that she is slacking so what does Jeff do? He buys a Roomba. Zoila is devastated by this and to make matters worse Jett makes a joke about the Roomba replacing her. Zoila starts to cry and is really upset. But in the end Jeff defends her and gets rid of the Roomba mostly because the dogs were freaked out as well.

And then to make matters more depressing…we find out that Spirit died in the middle of the night. Spirits passing makes Jeff realize that life is short and precious so he ends up calling Ryan.

Season finale on Tuesday so we will see if they make amends…

My Advice to Christian Siriano

I recently met Christian Sirano, last year's winner from Project Runway. I figured he would welcome a little unsolicited advice (because everyone loves that every once in a while):

1) Be nice. You have been famous for a hot minute and people who don't watch Project Runway, don't know you (and even people who do, can't remember who won from seasons 1-4).
2) Get a new haircut. That Kate Gosselin look you are rollin' with has gots-to-go.
3) Don't ever do that pose again. Ever.

That's it. Bye.

5 Dumbest Celeb Monday Tweets (and it Ain't Even 9:30AM)

Lisa_Veronica Sooo.... I just had a ghost experience in my hotel suite.. Thank goodness we are leaving!!!! Freaked.out.about 2 hours ago

(Hey Lisa! I know who you should call.)

LizzieGrubman Good morning!about 2 hours ago

(There's something about her pic, combined with that tweet ...)

AhmetZappa Sunday was a jam packed fun filled movie day and boy oh boy did I get a lot of mega cute dog kisses. I'm sorry that monday is here again.about 4 hours ago
(and we're sorry you're tweeting)

ParisHilton Going to bed. Tweet dreams Everyone! xoxo Parisabout 4 hours ago

(Another clever catchphrase from Paris)

iamdiddy Every party was sold out this weekend thanks to you Guys! I love you Atl! Dirty money loves you!Till next time!about 5 hours ago

(Well, now that I know Dirty Money loves me ... I can get on with my Monday)

KCO's Corner (posted by KCo)

The Rachael Zoe Project

I have to admit that she’s growing on me. She’s weakened me because I’ve realized that I could really use her right now since I have no idea what to wear and can’t remember what I wore this time last year. So I’d like Rachael to pop into my closet and help sort things out. If not Rachael then can I at least wish for California Closets so I can see what I own? Is that too much to ask?
Last weeks episode, we go with Rachael to a Piperlime shoot. I have to say I didn’t know they had clothes so I got a bit distracted and decided to online shop with watching. Cute stuff!
Rachael also is working with Ashton on a webisode called Blah Girls, an animated series. She is charged with styling the Blah Girls for their prom. It’s really cute and Rachael is filmed live action style talking to the Blah Girls on a green screen. The Ashton guest appearance was the best part of this show since he’s on my “list”. Why do I still love him? He really is famous for nothing other than marrying Demi Moore. And I love how he and Demi call Rachael to thank her for her work on Blah Girls which turns into a conversation on how much they love the Real Housewives of Atlanta. How cute!
The episode ends with Rachael doubled over in pain and heads to bed sick. It’s too bad that Taylor had been circling her all day to have a conversation about her career. She looks like she’s actually about to have the conversation when Zoe bursts out that Taylor is her precious jewel and that if Zoe had children that she would leave them to Taylor if she died. Ok that was upbeat and Taylor would be the last person she should leave a child filled with hope with. How old is Zoe? I think her baby days are over.
With this past week's eppy we have one more episode until the season finale and I think I’m ready. I’ve had enough. The only thing that I’m holding onto is the latest storyline where were suppose to believe that she is deathly ill. I was more worried that she might be pregnant since she is the world’s oldest thirty something year old. But no not pregnant and not on death watch but she has f’in vertigo. Really? Isn’t that a made up disease? Bravo couldn’t come up with something better than that?
I really enjoyed watching Rachel pulled together what looked like an amazing auction supporting Ovarian Cancer. Her jewelry collection is bananas! Unbelievable…
Lastly what’s up with Brad and Taylor …not much except a passive aggressive fight about who goes to Paris Fashion Week. Taylor really doesn’t want to go anyways since she is a shut in and Brad has to go since it’s his gay boy dream. Brad wins since Rachel who hates confrontation makes Taylor make the decision and she decides to let Brad go – I’m sure she won’t hold that over his head.


Flipping Out

I love how immature Jeff is. When faced with two paint colors, he simply can’t keep it together especially with a name like Pearl Necklace.
Ryan is acting really strange and its putting a wedge in their relationship. So Jeff decides to spend time with Chloe (Ryan’s daughter) by taking her out to lunch. He may be in the running with Taylor for the worst guardian. After all , he taught Chloe lots of questionable tricks like answering “What’s your favorite drink?” with “Chardonnay” – she’s only two people (it is funny). He also taught her to lift up her shirt and yell “Girls Gone Wild”.
Then in a weird moment of deep thoughts, Jeff actually admits why he feels a special connection to Chloe. Basically if he hadn’t messed up his relationship with Ryan – Chloe could have been his?
Jeff’s intern, Trace, comes to work in very short shorts which is highly disturbing to Jeff. Jeff sends him home because he didn’t want to see the outline of his dick all day. NICE! Or he could send Trace to West Hollywood to run errands all day.
The biggest shocker comes when Jeff decides to snoop around on Ryan and discovers that Ryan is buying Jeff’s name on Google Search to capitalize on Jeff’s fame. Totally sketch. More to come next week when we witness the big smackdown.
As much as I love Jeff Lewis and those luscious lips, truly nothing happened in this past week's episode (and not the nothing in early Seinfeld episodes I mean truly nothing). Ryan decides to move to Santa Barbara – big whoop! Then Jeff confronts Ryan about all of the things he’s discovered about his sketchy ways. Really?

KCo's Corner (posted by KCo - duh)

Zoe
This was suppose to be the episode that we were all waiting for…the previews of Rachael getting slammed by the press for being so thin. It turned out to be a bit of a nothing. There was a piece in The Post that called her the “pin thin” stylist. Ok big deal, she is. I’m surprised it wasn’t worse than that. However, Zoe is so devastated by it that a shopping trip ensues - of course. "Manly" Roger gets involved and insists that she hire a web consultant to help combat all of the negative online press.
We then find out that Marie Claire magazine wants to do an article on Zoe where she is styled and no one piece is over $250. That’s a challenge? Piece of cake (although, it probably was a challenge for her since I’m sure she’s never stepped foot in Forever 21 or H&M). Have no fear ... that’s where Brad came in to save the day. For once she didn’t look like Ms. Havisham. Zoe is clearly uncomfortable in front of the camera, so her team of gay stylists and Brad help loosen her up. Brad puts on a wig and pretends he is Taylor which is perfect!
Back at the ranch, Taylor is slaving away and complaining that she now doesn’t want to go to the launch party for friends Byron Williams and Tracey Cunningham’s new salon – Byron & Tracey. Brad tells her that’s why he calls her Baylor.
So off to the next episode – I know I’m behind – getting ready for the Golden Globes where she has to dress 5 people ( Debra Messing, Demi Moore, Anne Hathaway, Cameron Diaz and Eva Mendes). Will she do it?
It isn’t looking good when she tells us that she isn’t dying over anything and is getting worried. But we are relieved when she clarifies to the hoi poloi that award shows are not about fashion but rather pleasing us masses. Because “every dress has a home and I like to give it a home”. Genuis.
Cut to that ridiculous Bing! Interstitial with Zoe and Roger ordering sushi from Sushi Roku. We need to mix it up Bravo.
Then we follow Taylor who has finally brushed her hair after 4 episodes while she schleps around Beverly Hills going in and out of jewelry stores for various celebs.
We are nearing on a dress for Cameron but Zoe doesn’t like the sleeve. The masses won’t understand it so she needs to ask Karl Lagerfeld to alter it. Ok that’s scary. But he does and it’s a winner.
Drama at Eva’s house as she has a spot on her white dress but Taylor saves the day and all is well in Hollywood as Karl Lagerfeld has sent Zoe a letter on Cameron’s dress alteration and how proud he was of Cameron’s momentl

Flipping Out
Jenni is trying to work it while she’s at work and Jeff isn’t having it. Her 4 inch heels aren’t appropriate for the work site. This isn’t Melrose Place and you aren’t Amanda Woodward. If she doesn’t shape up, he will institute a dress code and she won’t like that. So to prove his point further he sends her up a ladder on a roof in 4 inch heels. This was just about the scariest thing I have ever seen on Bravo. Jenni stands firm on her position and tells us that no lesson was learned today – fashion comes first.
Jeff is dealing with a client that just isn’t paying him so in the middle of a showdown he starts to feel a little queasy and feverish. Uh oh ... this doesn’t look good he crawls into bed and we discover that Zoila apparently tried to give Jeff food poisoning by serving him several month old bacon - and boy did she bring him down. She wraps a cold washcloth on his head and secures it with duct tape…priceless.
In his compromised state, Jeff realize that he needs Jenni to do his dirty work and get their client to pay or else shut down the work site.

Jenni shuts it down and more drama for Jeff as the client goes off on Jeff after he tells her that she is having princess problems.

LA Candy Review

While my friends are reading things like "The Help", "The Girl Who Played With Fire" and "Eat, Pray, Piss", I am reading Lauren Conrad's book LA Candy. I asked the woman in the book store for it and she plucked right it out of the teen section. Yay Me. You know what's worse then reading LA Candy? Quoting/referring to it. I have been quoting/referring it all week and acting like it's my own knowledge. For example:

• In LA Candy one of the actresses on "LA Candy" (the reality show that is supposed to be The Hills on MTV - but since it's a novel, that trickster LC cleverly changed the names to LA Candy on PopTV) traded info on the other stars on the show for more press about herseld to the editor of "Gossip" Magazine. I told a LANALOGGER this week, that one of the tabloids does this regularly to get their information. I passed it off as insider info, but really I read it in LA Candy.


• Someone at work this week was looking for a cool movie theater to do an event at in LA and I blurted out the Arclight Theater. Is it even a real place? I don't know, but in LA Candy they talked about it as the movie theater to go to in LA - so I threw it out there as a suggestion. I got some approving nods.


• In LA Candy the dialogue consists of words like "WTF", "TMI" and "Kay". I started responding to all my emails with "Kay" instead of "Sounds good." or "Okay" because it just seemed easier and I'm sure people thought I was a little cooler for it.

So if you get a chance, read LA Candy. Like OMG, if you don't, you'll be like WTF and won't LOL! KAY?

It's News: but not for mensa members 9/4

Tom Hanks, the narrator and executive producer of “Beyond All Boundaries,” the 4-D cinematic experience at the National World War II Museum in New Orleans, was able to land an all star cast including Brad Pitt, Kevin Bacon, Patricia Clarkson, Kevin Connolly, James Cromwell, Viola Davis, Tobey Maguire, Gary Sinise and Elijah Wood.
(I’ll bet Kevin Connolly was a real hold out.)

Kenneth Slayton, the biological father of Jaycee Dugard, told the Daily Mirror of London that he would “love to get his hands on [Phillip] Garrido and kill him. Slayton and Terry Probyn split while she was pregnant with Jaycee. Slayton has never met his daughter.

(I’m not sure about the statute of limitations on this one, but I think 11-year dead-beat-dads forfeit their justifiable vengeance privileges.)

Jon Gosselin tells “Good Morning America” that after 10 years of marriage he is done with taking “a lot of abuse” from Kate. In other news, the father of eight was spotted guzzling vodka Red Bulls and pomegranate martinis at Stack Restaurant & Bar at The Mirage on Monday with his mother.

(That’s funny, because I’m tired of being abused by pictures of you in all those wack-ass, wannabe hip t-shirts you’ve suddenly decided to start wearing around.)

“American Idol” contestant Danny Gokey has signed a deal with 19 Recordings/RCA Nashville. He is expected to start recording after the Idols Live tour wraps on Sept.15.

(Mr. Gokey, has no one asked you to consider a stage name?)

“Project Runway” judge Tim Gunn is the subject of a brand-new Marvel comic book called the “Loaded Gunn.”

(I guess gay wasn’t enough. He’s going for super gay.)

Sasha Obama was photographed peering from behind a couch as her father finished some paperwork at the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office. The photograph is reminiscent of a series of pictures taken in 1963 showing JFK Jr. playing under the same desk while his father worked. Holy transparent attempt to link yourself to an iconic young Democratic president.

(Levi Johnston revs up his feud with the Palin family in an interview in this month’s Vanity Fair, entitled “Me and Mrs. Palin.”And the lesson is: Knock up the right chick.)

Name This Celebrity From Behind?

Boarding a plane to Boston earlier this week - name her.

JYPSI - Tonight at The Living Room on Ludlow

Check out JYPSI TONIGHT at the Living at 7PM on Ludlow Street. I saw these guys play last week at The Soutwest Porch in Bryant Park (which is a great place to go for drink by the way) and they were great. A very cool, hip brother/sister Country band. Did I say Country? Last week I went with a bunch of people and didn't tell them the band was Country - because I wanted them to come. They kind of found out because they read it on my blog and everyone had a good time and had to admit the band was really good and cute. Hope to see you tonight! For more info check out: http://www.jypsi.net/

Pics from last week's event at Bryant Park.

KCo's Corner (posted by KCo - duh)

Flipping Out

I love Kathy Griffin but I am ready to move on to more neurotic pastures with the premiere of Flipping Out!!! Oh I missed you Jeff Lewis, Jenny and Zoila. He makes all the neurotic people in my life look relaxed...myself included.
For those of you who missed last season, Jeff is a house flipper who often flips out when things don't go his way. He has a housekeeper, Zoila and an assistant Jenny who has a baby voice and got divorced last season from a moron who Jeff fired last season for slacking off and rumaging through his stuff. How did Jeff know this? Oh because any sane person who put in security cameras to watch their staff, right? I will get more dirt on Jenny as one of my friends is actually an acquaintance/friend of hers. I need more on this woman because I can't imagine working for Jeff Lewis or being married to that total jerk off ex-husband of hers. Jeff's best days are when his cabinets are neatly organized. Man he gets of on neatly arranged Evian bottles. He actually took the time to pull Zoila into the cabinets to see what assistant #2 had accomplished.
Obviously with the recession, house flipping isn't really going all that well so Jeff is forced to go into decorating and home improvements. Jeff is actually living now in one of the houses that he was trying to flip. So Jeff is now not his own boss but is forced to work for someone else...hmmm. It must be killing him that he now needs to drive to the Valley to listen to some idiot housewife tell him what she wants to do. He has also apparently spent the past 10 months being Jenny's therapist as she finalizes her divorce. He even has been retooling her gaydar by informing her that straight men don't ask women out for salads.
I really could of used Jeff Lewis' advice as my gaydar was severely malfunctioning in 2000. I was dating a guy who used Estee Lauder moisturizer and had a pair of leather pants in his closet and that wasn't enough to send me a strong message:) Anyway... Jeff's brother, Todd is marrying Jeff's real estate agent, Kerri. His brother Todd is a total guys guy. I wonder what he thinks of Jeff. Apparently Kerri was a runaway bride the first time. Jeff is becoming a bridezilla himself. He's VERY involved in the wedding of course.
I can't wait to see what this season has in store for us all...until next week.





The Rachel Zoe Project


I just can't believe that someone actually is stressed out over finding the perfect dress for a vapid celebrity...and it is considered a job. Sorry if anyone out there is a stylist - but honestly, seriously - shopping? come on. But alas...someone really does worry about this nonsense and that woman is Rachel Zoe. And we are lucky that Bravo has decided to air this train wreck for all to see.
More than anything I'd like to know how old this woman really is because if I had her money, connections and access i would certainly not have that prune face and sickly body. Someone needs to style her face. Wow, that was a lot of anger. But I think she is a joke. A joke that i love watching. I especially love her assistants...I really do have a soft spot for Brad. I actually stalked him last year at the Project Runway Finale...and since he is so sweet he actually spoke to me! Of course he would. But Taylor or Tay as Rachel calls her is almost of disgusting and vapid as Rachel with her bad attitude and extremely dried out hair. She is in need of a Vo5 deep conditioning treatement asap.
We kick off this season with Team Zoe out to find the perfect dress(es) for the Golden Globes. Cut to shopping scenes on Rodeo Drive and calls to various designers - boring. And once we find the dress(es) then they cut out the good stuff like seeing Team Zoe squeeze celebrities into their gowns while using catch phrase - "I die". It's a good thing. Major drama moment when Eva Mendes calls Tay because -pause- she has a stain on her dress. The world stops and Tay comes to the rescue to assure Eva that it is the size of a pin head and tucked behind a ruffle....one more victory for Team Zoe.
This season is filled with all types of drama as Tay wonders if she should branch out on her own, Rachel deals with the press and her eating disorder rumors ( oh i'm there for that one) and I would like closure on Rachel's marriage to Roger who I have to imagine is gay, right? Nothing wrong with that but that wouldn't work in my marriage.

Why Isn't Anyone Writing About My Life On The D List? (by KCo)

It's the season finale and Kathy is getting a star on the Walk of Fame. She scopes out her ideal location and the only spot that she really doesn't want is right between Barbara Walters and Ryan Seacrest:) This turns out to be a short lived honor as Bravo has only NOMINATED her but she ultimately didn't get approved. Oh well to bad she's told EVERYONE about it. So as a consellation prize they've given her a star on the Palm Springs Walk of Fame. Well even Maggie is up in arms about this one. It's a big conspiracy theory - Ryan is definitely behind her rejection.

Kathy decides to make lemonade out of lemons...she's going to Palm Springs. She calls Suzanne Somers as she needs a celebrity to present the star to her. Suzanne can't do it but decides to throw her a dinner party since she can't be there...an organic dinner party so no diet soda...meanwhile Kathy is slurping a big diet coke while talking to Suzanne. Ok I totally agree with Suzanne - Diet Coke is evil unless you like drinking chemicals and want early onset osteoporosis by all means knock yourself out:) Ok back to the show...

Off to Palm Springs, Suzanne greets Kathy is some sort of contraption...a funicular -a motorized cart - because it's a long ways to her house? OMG, I love her house/compound and the organic spread is AMAZING!!!! Suzanne has always worked - it is true - from Three's Company to Thigh Master to bioidentical hormones...wtf? Suzanne got fired from Three's Company because she wanted as much $ as Jack Tripper - breaking the glass ceiling - blonde style.
Suzanne's vegetable garden is also ridiculously amazing. The debate about diet soda continues in the garden. Kathy pledges to NOT drink diet soda for 30 days or just try.
Kathy still needs a celebrity to present the award to her...so they call Barry Manilow who also has prior committments:) So she takes matters into her own hands, she takes a celebrity bus tour so she can go door to door. Carol Channing is the first stop. First question - is she alive? Is she free tomorrow? So Team Griffin decides to knock on her door and trespass. No one is home so Kathy leaves a note.

Off to Suzanne's dinner party...Kathy wants diet soda to accompany her meal but no luck. She asks the staff to serve it to her with no ice in a wine glass - her own private stash. So after a very nice toast to Kathy...she spots the wine glass. Busted. Kathy can't fool Suzanne who apparently has bionic vision from all of the hormones. Tiffany outs her with a purse full of Diet Coke.

At the star dedication, Kathy finds some protesters who say she's going to burn in hell. But the protesters are drowned out by the thongs I mean throngs of gays. Maggie introduced Kathy and was crying - too cute! And the come the surprises...Carol Channning after all...AND Suzanne Somers AND Barry Manilow...Bravo you had me fooled.

And that concludes another season on the D List...stay tuned as I move on to Jeff Lewis and Rachel Zoe - I die!!!!!!!!!

EVENTS IN NYC: JYPSI

Check out JYPSI tonight at the Southwest Porch at Bryant Park. I saw these guys at the Hard Rock in NYC when the opened for Seal at a Chartiy event a couple of years ago and they were great. Young, hip, brother/sister band.

Their label gave me a good blurb about them (see below), which will be better than my description above and an additional "They like rock". Hope to see you tonight!

http://www.jypsi.net/

Young Sibling Band, Jypsi, Announces Not-to-Be-Missed New York Engagements

Arista Nashville’s vibrant sibling group Jypsi will be spending a rare ten days in New York this month with eight engagements scheduled during the jaunt. The general public will have an opportunity to catch what the Los Angeles Times calls the “most jaw-dropping country show of the year” for free August 21st, 24th and 25th from 6:00-6:45pm and August 26 from 7:00pm-7:45pm at the Living Room, located at 154 Ludlow Street, in Manhattan. In addition, Jypsi is also slated to perform at the new Southwest Porch at Bryant Park on August 20th at 7:30pm.

Brought to Nashville by the legendary Cowboy Jack Clement – who produced such luminaries as Johnny Cash, Charley Pride, and many more – the band has honed their sound, style, and stamina by regularly playing six nights a week at Layla’s Bluegrass Inn on Nashville’s famed Lower Broadway. It was here that the band’s captivating sound and style won over patrons as well as record execs, setting the stage for their eagerly-awaited current single, “Mister Officer.”

At the helm of country music stardom, these siblings—ranging in age from 18-28—are no strangers to the stage. Having grown-up on the road singing, playing, and writing since youngest, Lillie Mae (lead vocals / fiddle) was just three years old, now seasoned performers with youthful energy, older siblings Amber-Dawn (vocals / fiddle), Scarlett (mandolin) and Frank (vocals / guitar) live-up to what Entertainment Weekly called “bluegrass-informed country with rock & roll spirit.”

Don’t miss this rare opportunity to catch one show, or all eight, when these talented performers take over Manhattan. For additional details on how you can be witness to a country group with a striking sense of fashion and self-expression like none other, please visit http://www.jypsi.net/.

7 Reasons Why Sookie should be with Eric vs. Bill

1) The obvious. Eric is way hotter. Duh.
2) Bill is really, really, really pale, even for a vampire.
3) There is something to be said about a guy who tricks you into sucking is blood so you'll be connected. It just proves he really likes you. No games.
4) Eric's body is like stupid hot.
5) There is something so sexy about a guy who is constantly sacrificing himself (at the Fellowship, when he took bullets for Sookie and offering to die with Goddrick). You know he'd probably be a good dad, should they decide to adopt.
6) Eric wants Sookie to be a vampire and who wouldn't want to look young and beautiful forever. It just shows he's thinking about her future.
7) Bill looks really short next to Eric.

BONUS: This reason was from LANALOGGER Amy Olson Goin "Bill needs to deal with his bangs". Ughh. Totes.

Please feel free to post your reasons.

Why Isn't Anyone Writing About My Life on the D-List (posted by KCo)

Sorry for the hiatus but was in LA for a Project Runway shoot…stay tuned when it launches on Lifetime on August 20^th. My shameless plug. It is sure to be an amazing season and haven’t we all suffered enough with the lame attempt at a replacement with The Fashion Show?

Back to Kathy ... two weeks to catch up on but I take it that the Bachelorette finale held you all over. Not to mention the premiere of Real Housewives of Atlanta…I don’t even know what to say here.

So the first episode was all about Prop 8. It was an atypical Life on the D List and actually quite touching. Kathy has a little visit with Melissa Etheridge to get her take on Prop 8. Melissa encourages Kathy to get out there and speak out for Gay rights so she does.

Her first stop is a Gay Youth Center where she educates teens on the Matthew Sheppard story in order to get them to speak up and feel empowered. I still can’t believe that it ever happened and not that long ago.

Couple of key facts…I had no idea that Prop 8 only passed by 4% and it’s no surprise since the wording of the prop was VERY confusing. Voting yes actually meant you weren’t for gay marriage and voting no actually meant you were in favor of gay marriage. Did I get that right?

After canvassing neighborhoods, Kathy actually changes people’s minds while uncovering that many people were indeed confused. Of course, we all know that California did uphold the ban on same sex marriage but I was so proud of Kathy for making this an issue on the show. Although her audience really doesn’t need much education or convincing.

Next we wrap up as she puts the finishing touches on her book. Plus major bonus , she gets her own wax figure at Madame Tussaud’s in Vegas.

Her first stop was a visit to Jackie Collins for some book advice. Jackie actually gives Kathy a little gem by admitting that she slept with John Lennon. Ok why would anyone admit to that on Kathy’s show? Seriously.

The hot English gents from Madame Tussaud’s make a visit to see Kathy to get measurements for her wax figure. This was a little weird as they marked Kathy with all of these little dots? Kathy feels really A list when she finds out the company that she’s in…Nicole Kidman, Jamie Foxx…no Danny Bonaducci does not have a wax figure so there.

So Kathy still needs to pay the bills AND also needs to regain her dwindling fan base in the deep south post the “suck it Jesus” Emmy speech. She agrees to do a commercial for Zaxby’s chicken where she proceeds to eat about 12 dozen wings. Job well done!

Here comes my favorite moment…Kathy is still adamant about getting on Oprah’s Book Club so after a meeting with her book editor she pops on over to the Hearst Tower. If any of you have been over that way, you know that all of the editors are plastered outside of the building so Kathy nuzzles up to the faux Gayle and begs for admittance onto the book club list. This is not the way to go so she resorts to the streets with Team Griffin where she hands out flyers to anyone who knows Gayle and can get the flyer to her. She even tries delivering Gayle’s favorite pizza from Mariella’s. Apparently, it’s suppose to be good and right across the street from Hearst…hmm…next time?

Kathy feeling defeated goes back to see her editor where she runs by chapter titles for her book such as…

1. Oprah and Ryan Seacrest are conspiring against me
2. I blew Zack from Zack and Cody
3. Jeremy Piven raped some chick on Ellen
4. Britney is a hermaphrodite

Nice. They proceed to tell her that the titles need to be verified so she needs to go back to the drawing board.

In a weird twist, Kathy has a little visit with Salmon Rushdie at a Barnes and Noble. What was this? His Bravo style punishment for cheating on Padma?

And alas we see the unveiling of Kathy’s wax figure…not bad because she is basically a wax figure in real life.

Ok, finale is next week – I’m ready to move on to other things in my dvr…like The Rachel Zoe Project – I die!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts While Getting Fatter At My Dest (by Terry "I'm A Dude" Houston)

Turtle & Pals

Terry & Pals

Entourage

I am split on entourage this season, I feel it's too happy and fun. I do like how Ari has become a super family man. Nice twist on his character. A few other comments:
Alexis Dziena (E's girlfriend) was in a great movie Broken Flowers (a much better Bill Murray movie then that snoozer Lost in Translation). She is a lot older then she looks. How do I know this? Because in Broken Flowers she looked 14 and had a nude scene. Like so many times in my life I was conflicted. Lana, you don't know how hard guys have it with the evil thoughts that go through our head. So IMDB'ed her and found out she was 21 at the time, ahhhhh a sigh of relief. Point is she looks young but she is 25.

Now to your obsession with Turtle from Entourage. That makes me feel special. Why? When I was young I got stopped for looking like Kevin Arnold/Fred Savage. As I grew up, a few girls tried to flatter me and say I looked like Joey McIntyre from NKOTB (never saw it and I think they were just trying to get my pants). In the last few years (I call them them the boob sweat years), I have been told that I looked like two celebrities. Turtle and Adam Richman from Man vs. Food. I know it's very depressing. I think it's time for me to switch to light beer and stop eating late night cheesteaks. (please reference above pics)

I actually like the Jamie Lynn story line only b/c it makes me feel better about my myself. Is that weird? Like, go ahead call me Turtle, I am f'ing Meadow Soprano bitch, and she bought me a porsche so you can go suck it.

I am bored today.

SIGHTINGS: Hugh Jackman, KingBilly & Richard Marx

KingBilly getting a surprise visit from Richard Marx and Hugh Jackman, while playing last week in Chicago.

Looks like they are about to shoot an ad for Axe, rather than go onstage and perform ... but it's all good.

Eeeks. Richard. What's up with the wife beater?

Best and Worst Dressed, by Michelle Zacks. A Lanalogue reader who has no fashion critic qualifications other than I like clothes and I have opinions

BEST DRESSED

Diane Kruger.
Di Di! This look has easy, breezy, beautiful Covergirl written all over it. I think you're a super-stylish chick and I've been noticing that your cool sense of fashion has been going a little unnoticed in the media. Well, you're on my radar now. Which means you are also on the radar of the 3 other people who have read this review. High 5, pimp. XOXO

Bradley Cooper.
Actually, Bradley. You look like a tiny bit of a slob in this picture. But the outfit is cute. And I think you're ridiculously HOT, and The Hangover was my favorite movie of Summer'09. So I'm giving you Best Dressed awards for this week. Good job! I love you. Call me.

Ciara.
Hey Ciara! Wow- this is a really cute look! What are those red shoes you have on there?? They look like a cross between some Tim's and some old school Reebok Freestyles AND they look like they might even be made from something shiny. Score! Plus that heart on your sweater.... girl, you had me at Hello.

WORST DRESSED

Jon Gosselin.
So here's what, Jon Gosselin. Who are you?? I don't think you're even a real celebrity! I've never even seen your "show." All I know about you is you're getting a divorce and you have a bunch of kids (big whoop, buddy--who isn't?). And now this??! This stupid look. You're offending my eyeballs. Please stop being "famous" and please stop wearing Ed Hardy.

Maddox Jolie Pitt.
Maddox- my friend. Let's talk. What's going on here? You need to have a serious talk with Mommy and Daddy. I think they're f-ing with you. Fist of all-- you're wearing a man purse (aka, a murse). Secondly- are you even a real person? 'Cause you look like a wax statue. Cut it out. Thanks, MZ

(you can read more about my thoughts on fashion on my blog here: http://springandclifton.com/inspiration/, or on my other blog here: http://holytee.blogspot.com/)

SIGHTINGS BY LANALOGGERS - Chace Crawford

LANALOGGER Marissa Herbert writes

"I was at Noho Star downtown on Sat. afternoon and I look up, and he walked in! I started to freak out hoping Ed Westwick was meeting him for lunch, but instead it was some dude with white hair in running clothes. And he brought Chace a power drill...kind of weird. They had like a quick 20 min lunch and left. And yes, he is just as pretty in person, if not prettier. Seriously ridiculously good-looking."

Are you sure you weren't watching an episode of Gossip Girl? You know, the one where Nate wants to surprise Blair and hang a picture of himself in her room. Except he never owned a power drill, so he had to borrow one from the wise man with white hair who taught him that hard work is good for the soul.

5 Reasons Why Entourage Rocks (again)

1. Ari & Lloyd. The real stars of the show. There is never a bad storyline with these two (even a couple a few seasons back when Ari helped get Lloyd back together with his boyfriend). I don't know about you, but I can't wait for Lloyd to be an agent. He'll be better than Ari.
2. The E Love Triangle. I must admit, I was over E a couple of seasons ago, due to his whiny nature and super short body. Now however, I am kind of digging the - E/Sloan/Barely Legal with an Attitude Fatal Attraction - Triangle.
3. Drama's quotes. Drama has had some of the best quotes of the season including "I hate when people hate me" and "E. You miniature Stud."
4. Turtle & His Seth Rogen Obsession. Fact: Seth Rogen is really ugly. Fact: No one ever says it. Fact: He probably gets laid all the time. Fact: Ugly funny famous guys get laid - a lot.
5. Andrew. In the end, all Ari wants to do is keep his wife happy. In steps Andrew, his wife and a 26 year old agent. What can't be good for them, is great for us.

Quotes and Photos from the Real Housewives of NJ

"I feel like I could use one more strand of beads." - Dina


"Honey. Can't you see mommy's busy? I'll breast feed you after." - Caroline

"Oh my god! Check out Teresa's headband." - Dina

"Oh my gawd. Did I tell you I love green? It's like, I don't know ... classy. Did I use that word right?" - Teresa


"Hurry up dude. I'm trying to distract her for as long as I can - snag the Rolex already." - Random Wanna-be Jersey Model.

"Ohh. You want to be breast fed too? As long as you call me mommy." - Caroline

"Now if I could just stab this pen in her throat, my life would be awesome." - Jaqueline

"Yo. It like takes a couple of hours to get our hair like this." - Either one of the Mangini Momma's boys.

"I swear I haven't had any Botox injections in my lips, forehead and cheeks." - Dina.

(special thanks to Christina Lazopoulos Warnick for the photos).

Why Isn't Anyone Writing About My Life On The D-List? (posted by KCo)

Kathy is going to the Apollo, so naturally she consults her only black friend, Rachael. Is funny funny or does she need to tailor her brand of funny for the Apollo’s audience? She’s use to the gays. Britney jokes? Miley jokes at the Apollo? Ummm not so much.

Kathy decides that Rachael isn’t cutting it for advice so she turns to black comedian Katt Williams. He’s the number one touring comedian in the US and has basically retired at 35. How have I never heard of this guy? This guy has a putting green, dogs, a million cars, and even a zoo – kind of MJ style at Neverland complete with weird exotic animals. He even has a red velvet rope in his house like a nightclub…Kathy’s not sure if that’s a black thing but she wants one.

Katt advises Kathy that comedy isn’t color blind. Don’t be clean. No Lohan or white people material.

Kathy is feeling like she is in over her head so she proceeds to talk to every black person she knows beginning with the one and only – TI.

They meet at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. Mind you this is a mere 31 days before TI heads to jail. TI gives Tom and Tiffany nicknames, Lash Pick and Tiny.

In order to capitalize on TI’s hit Swagger Like Us, Kathy decides to go swagger…Kathy tries wearing her pants low…ahhh white lady butt crack. Swagering down Hollywood Blvd with TI…

Maggie is shocked that Kathy is going to the Apollo (the big black stage as she calls it). She is worried that she won’t have supporters there. Maggie’s African American history goes as deep as viewing”Julia” with Dianne Carroll.

Kathy tells Maggie that Al Sharpton is going to escort her to the Apollo. Maggie was not an Al fan because he was always “moaning and groaning”. He’s getting better though according to Maggie. Really?

Kathy goes to Al’s office looking for advice. She’s more nervous heading to the Apollo then being in Iraq. Al advises to be careful of race jokes and don’t use the n word. Kathy rattles a list of possible joke victims…

Jessica Simpson - nope

Octomom – blank stare

Wynona’s Diet Pills – Scooby head tilt

Ok so that little list didn’t work so well so she decides to play a game of who would you rather?

Hillary or Janet Reno?

None of the above for Al.

Beyonce or Solange?

Would rather watch Beyonce dance (Al stop lying).

Roscoe’s or Polo Lounge?

Roscoe’s

Cut to Kathy singing Ebony and Ivory while Al reminds her that the Apollo is one big stop on becoming a major A-lister.

Kathy agrees to do Al’s radio show, Keepin it Real. And guess what -no one calls in...Not even one gay guy calls in? Kathy worries that this is only a foreshadowing of her night at the Apollo…empty house.

On her way to the Apollo…she tells Tom and Tiffany that if she bombs she needs them to sing back up to Dream Girls And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going.

While she’s backstage at the Apollo she hears kids in the other room and freaks out that kids will be in the audience? Yikes…not good.

She finds out that she is performing as part of Amateur Family Night…bam back on the D List.

Al gives her a great intro basically telling the audience to be fair and kind to Kathy. What could possibly go wrong? Things are going really well for quite some time until she makes a really crude joke about lip plumping and that it looks like a female body part below the waist put on your face (I’m doing my best here people…she can be pretty hard-core).

What ensues is the most awkward moment I’ve ever witnessed…the Apollo starts to play her off stage. You see behind the scenes cameras capturing the stage manager yelling at her saying that she disrespected the house and kids were out there. She’s lucky she made it to the car alive.

Kathy immediately calls Katt Williams from the limo who pauses and says, “Oh my god that is the greatest sh&t ever….ha ha haaaaaa”.

So lesson learned…on Apollo Kids Night you’re not suppose to do p&ssy jokes

And to ensure that she hasn’t misinterpreted the situation she gets a letter from the Apollo that she is not welcome now or in the future…just add it to the long list of bans.

Until next time…

KCo