Tuesday, May 5, 2009

It's News: but not for mensa members 5/5

Rihanna is back with an old beau, 24-year-old Negus Sealy, who she dated before she made it big. The songstress and Sealy, dubbed the “Love God” by girls, were recently photographed holding hands on the beach in Barbados.

It sounds cool, but I’d hate to be hearing about that one from my buddies for the rest of my life

Texas native Jessica Simpson tells Vanity Fair she’s more passionate than ever about Dallas Cowboys football thanks to boyfriend Tony Romo and admits that before games she sends crazed mass emails asking friends to pray for Romo’s protection.

Imagine if you could pray for pass protection? The Saints would have one of the most explosive offenses in football! I think I’m going to start texting my friends to pray for Eli Manning’s protection.

John Mayer has called off his fling with Scheana Marie after the former Hawaiian Tropic model went public about their hookup Friday, telling YoungHollywood.com, “I love his personality…He can be, like, a dork.”

And you can be, like, a quick, hot, dirty hook-up.

Megan Fox shows off her “King Lear”-inspired tattoo in the upcoming issue of Elle and tells the magazine that she prefers “men.”

Do stars have to come out as straight now or something?

The holy trinity of supermodels – Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington and Linda Evangelista – will all be absent from the MET Costume Institute gala tonight.

Holy Trinity of Supermodels? Really? Somebody tried a little too hard to make their story sound more important than it was.

Pink’s rep says quotes the singer reportedly gave to News Of The World about being bisexual are “entirely fabricated.”

Hey Pink, if you’re looking to get another dude after what’s his motorcycle, you might want to just let this one circulate quietly. I’m not saying go around claiming it’s true, just don’t say it isn’t. Trust me on this one.

Friends of Bristol Palin say she’s emotionally blackmailing Levi Johnston by threatening to take son Tripp away from him.

Come on, what are you a child? Oh.

Slash has been blogging on his MySpace page about mentoring the remaining “American Idol” contestants for this week’s rock theme. “Those AI kids can sing their asses off, especially Adam, “ the rocker wrote after Saturday’s mentoring session.

There’s something about Slash ‘blogging on his MySpace page’ that’s really disappointing. Maybe I’m just feeling nostalgic for old school rockers who thought self-promotion was some sort of perverted sex act.

The NY Posy reports that "Vanessa Minnillo was just shot down for a role on 'Melrose Place' ".

Perfectly written gossip blurb. Thank you. Finally.

Former “Extra” TV host Mark McGrath is staging a comeback with his band, Sugar Ray. The group’s new album, “Music for Cougars,” is due out July 21 and is being released by an indie label because all the major labels have passed.

Tad ashamed to admit I own two Sugar Ray albums, which I believe also qualifies as both. Guess I gotta get this one and then somehow end up explaining to my mother-in-law who will happen to see it laying on the kitchen table what a ‘cougar’ is.

John Wayne Bobbitt and Lorena Bobbitt face off for the first time in 16 years on “The Insider” tonight.

The Insider? I thought you were gonna say MMA Extreme Cage Fighting match. I’d have settled for a boxing match with those huge harmless gloves. Hell, I’d watch these two go at it in those party rental Sumo suits for a laugh. The Insider? That’s probably the biggest let down since they moronically dismissed the cute little kid and his hot mom story line from Friday Night Lights. And you country pumpkins pick now to pit these two? The idea of 15 minutes of fame is that it’s meant to last 15 minutes. I think 16 years is a tad over the statute of limitations.

The 1989 movie "Parenthood" is going to made into an NBC TV series, according to network sources.

“Let’s see, we’ve pilfered the 70’s for ironic nostalgia, what the hell are we going to do now? Come on everybody, think!”

Next week the NRA will gift Sarah Palin with the “Alaskan Hunter,” a military-style assault weapon, to thank her for standing up for gun rights. Palin’s name will be engraved on the weapon.

When are you NRA morons going to learn? First you let a senile old man start preaching gun rights just after a school full of children gets shot at in CO and now this? Who’s you’re PR rep miss South Carolina? The more you pull these stunts the more you piss off the gun Nazis which is exactly what you’re trying to do which is exactly the kind of thing that may one day end up taking away your precious ‘Alaskan Hunter’ military style assault rifles. Give the broad one of those old school civil war guns that nobody’s afraid of because you sit there saying to yourself, ‘all I gotta do is rush this guy before he can jam that stick down the barrel and pour that shi*t from the horn into the thing.’ Then the gun control guys start to think, ‘oh, those gun guys are kinda nice and cute’ and they leave you alone. Then you can go remove all the sport from killing a thousand pound animal with a highly overpowered (military mind you) moose mauling personal cannon all you want.

Leona Helmsley’s Park Lane hotel penthouse, which she called home, is now being offered for rent to anyone who can pay $7,000 a night.

Technically I “can” pay that. So do I get the room?

Would you buy Sugar Ray's new album? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com with comments.