Friday, March 6, 2009

It's News: but not for mensa members 3/6

Chris Brown briefly appeared in court Thursday, hours after he was charged with two felonies - assault likely to cause great bodily injury and making criminal threats - stemming from his fight with Rihanna. Brown did not enter a plea and his formal arraignment was moved to April 6. The pop star’s mother sat behind the defense table and cried. Meanwhile, today’s Post and Daily News reveal chilling, detailed accounts of Rihanna’s beatdown.

I never thought the day would come when a legitimate news outlet actually used the term "beatdown" in earnest.

“Dancing With the Stars” has lost two celebrity contestants just days before Season 8 is set to begin. Jewel has fractured tibias in both legs and Nancy O’Dell has two knee cartilage tears. Executive producer Conrad Green says no replacements will be revealed until Monday’s premiere. Rumor has it Playboy’s Holly Madison is joining the cast.

They’re still working out which of the now partnerless men to hook her up with, Chris Brown or the ghost of Ike Turner.

Pete Wentz had so much fun composing a lullaby for his son, which appears as a hidden track on Fall Out Boy’s latest album, that he plans on making an album of songs for children.

Why do bands continue to do ‘hidden tracks?’ First of all, they’re not hidden, they’re right past the empty space in the last song of the album just like everyone else’s. And second, you’re amazingly creative idea for a hidden track hasn’t excited anyone since Pearl Jam was around, now it just pisses people off because it fucks with their shuffles.

Emma Roberts slams the Jonas Brothers in her Teen Vogue cover story, calling them “a little tainted.” “I used to have a crush on Nick [Jonas], but he’s kind of making his rounds in Hollywood, and I don’t know if I like that,” the actress tells the magazine.

“Just wait till “Hotel for Dogs 2” gets shelved and guys “making the rounds in Hollywood” won’t seem so bad.

Lucy Liu is tapping into her artistic side and, under the pseudonym Yu Ling, has painted a large acrylic portrait of two people kissing. The Eli Klein Fine Art Gallery is selling the work for $28,000.

A pseudonym made pointless with this information.

Hundreds of fans lined up outside a Barnes & Noble in NYC yesterday to meet Miley Cyrus. The line stretched around the block, 12 hours before Cyrus started signing copies of her memoir.

When are you too young to write a memoir? I’m asking, seriously.

Lindsay Lohan may cover a Britney Spears track on her upcoming album.

I’m pretty sure this is the cosmic equivalent of McFly meeting himself in the past and causing some disturbance in the time-space continuum resulting in all of us disappearing.

Candy Spelling wants off daughter Tori Spelling’s reality media wave. “It’s fine if Tori wants her own reality show or wants to write books about her childhood,” Candy writes in her new autobiography, “Stories From Candy-land.”

What is this a book title pun-off? Could someone please tie these two women’s hands together and give them each a switchblade for a “Beat It” video showdown and be done with it?

As T.I. counts down the days before he enters jail, the rapper will be in a Crown Heights, Brooklyn middle school on Monday to talk to kids about his missteps for his “Road to Redemption” MTV show.

I love these, ‘don’t do what I did’ talks stars give to kids. They actually serve the opposite of their intended purpose. Kind of like anti-smoking ads remind kids that it’s rebellious and cool to smoke precisely because they’re telling you not to. Or those drug addicts who come into high schools and say, “don’t do drugs, you might die.” And kids just look at them and say, “well you did drugs and you’re not dead. Plus, you got to do all those drugs.”

May Anderson and Jessica Stam are among many catwalkers who have illegally donated to Rep. Anthony Weiner’s mayoral campaign.

Is it irony when models support Weiners? I’m asking, seriously

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