Mr. & Mrs. Pratt: Why Wouldn't You Just Fly Home?

On a "pre-honeymoon" in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, the pair are "wearing face masks everywhere we go. We're in isolation, we're in full hiding," Pratt told Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio show Tuesday morning.

For the full story go to www.people.com

Should Heidi & Spencer just go home or just get a life? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

Twitter Soup: Papa Joe Simpson

What would you do if your DAD tweeted about you all day?

1. Another lie about jess on the net..... Such bull....about 19 hours ago
2. ashlee is a sweetheart. she is on the road with pete right now... thanks for your support.12:41 PM Apr 28th
3. how come "a source close to the simpson's" never gets the story right?4:14 PM Apr 27th from web
4. Is jess teaching u somethin3:32 PM Apr 25th
5. Having lunch with jess... She has a heart of gold!!2:40 PM Apr 24th
6. Another untrue story about jessica in the press today...8:38 PM Apr 23rd
7. it's tony's birthday!!! now jess is dating a much older guy..1:19 PM Apr 21st
8. rumor incorrect... no jess-brit show.. luv brit.. just no show.10:55 AM Apr 20th
9. Playin with bronx and watchin ashlee be a wonderful mommy.. This has to be a disney movie we r in..3:41 PM Apr 19th
10. i've got the best son-in-law!! he inspires me...12:37 PM Apr 17th from web
11. The simpsons all tweet!! Start'em young
12. my wife says that the family that tweets together....stays together..11:51 AM Apr 14th
13. Jess new twitter addy7:03 PM Apr 13th
14. sittin with jess... she is learning to tweet!!!!6:59 PM Apr 13th
15. great to see all the kids together... tina and i r soooo lucky.6:59 PM Apr 12th
16. Tony is throwing football to the guys. Wow!5:58 PM Apr 12th
17. Great day... All the fam at the house for easter!!!!!3:24 PM Apr 12th
18. great day of golf.. tony is a great coach... tonight more family time..9:27 PM Apr 11th f
19. Good day playin golf with tony...5:08 PM Apr 11th
20. Just finished dinner with tina and ash..11:29 PM Apr 10th
21. Having dinner with ash... She is so cute. Bronx is the best..10:17 PM Apr 8th
22. @mcuban Could have left out the jess and tony part..3:13 PM Apr 7th
23. Got a call today.... So funny... Jess is NOT doing "Dancing with the Stars"... Same crazy stuff..11:55 AM Apr 3rd

Crazy, Creepy or Cool? Email us your thoughts. lanalogue@gmail.com

HerOeD (posted by nick)

An Invisible Thread

I think its safe to say that after a season of highs and lows the season finale and final chapter of the “Fugitives” volume, “An Invisible Thread” turned out to be pretty damn entertaining. Written by the series creator Tim Kring, a task he assigns himself for the first and last episodes of a volume (although he did write most of the first season), the episode reminded fans why we watch the show (for “blow your mind” surprises) and utilized facts from the past that were forgotten throughout the season such as how:

1. During “Villains” Mr. Petrelli taught Sylar how to acquire abilities without cutting open the victim’s skull or murdering them.
2. Sylar is a professional con man and has fooled almost every character in the show throughout the first two seasons into believing he was someone other than himself.
3. During “Villains” Mrs. Petrelli fed him the ability to know an object’s history by touching it.

Beginning with Sylar revealing to Danko that the shape shifting ability allows him to shift his insides, making his “off button” pretty much hidden forever, Sylar then framed Danko for murder and continued to assume Nathan’s identity. Upon meeting up with Claire he reads what her necklace has seen and cleverly fooled her into believing he was Nathan as well as further conning her into believing he didn’t want her to follow him because he worried about her safety, only truly knowing she would beg to tag along, proving he is a master of this trade. When he reveals his true identity to Claire during his pursuit of the president, Sylar makes use of the puppet master’s ability, one in which he acquired without killing the puppeteer. While Claire is in his control he explains how the two of them are immortal, reminding us that this show could essentially have a season set 80 years in the future with Claire and Sylar still battling alongside a cast of completely different characters. When Nathan and Peter save Claire and square off against Sylar the fact that they decided to film the fight through Claire’s point of view (behind a door) really pissed me off and was my only complaint for the episode. After the fight it is revealed that Peter has lost his ability to fly but Sylar gained the ability (leaving you to assume that when Peter touched Sylar to nab an ability Sylar took flight from Peter). The “blow your mind” surprise was that Peter nabbed the ability to shape shift from Sylar and used this to trick Sylar into believing Peter was the President, the only way to defeat an immortal, lightning throwing, flight capable opponent.
When Sylar killed Nathan I can’t say I was as surprised as others may have been because I did see it coming. By having Nathan dead this essentially makes Sylar temporarily dead as he is now “brainwashed” into believing he is Nathan, and besides, Bennet didn’t know where Sylar’s “off button” was, so he couldn’t kill him. How else could the show allow Zachary Quinto, the actor who plays Sylar, some time off to film movies such as the future installments of “Star Trek” without killing off their best character. Now that everyone aside from Parkman, Mrs. Petrelli, and Mr. Bennet believe Sylar to be dead (by burning the original shape shifter’s “Sylar body” in front of everyone), and Nathan to be fine, this makes it so all next season Nathan can just be Nathan (I mean Sylar can even fly now) with minor hints of a Sylar remnant, and when they are ready to bring back Sylar in full they always have that option.
I don’t exactly know how I feel about Hiro in general. Apparently out of all the characters with abilities he is the only one who suddenly is inflicting personal pain by using his ability. Most of this season it felt like Hiro was wasted screen time for another character. If Hiro can’t time travel OR freeze time then what is the point of him being on the show? This kind of makes you wonder how much longer the writers intend on keeping him around. When he froze time during the Bennet and Danko handshake upon starting back up Bennet realized it was Hiro and said his name like Hiro was some legendary hero and magically Bennet had me thinking Hiro is cool. Ultimately it is Hiro who saves the day for the entire race of people with abilities and saves Bennet’s ass by taking out Danko. How did Hiro go from being the biggest waste of time character to everyone’s hero in one episode? If you think about it, Hiro fixed the entire “Fugitives” story arc but due to all the Sylar/Nathan drama this fact escapes your memory.
So with “Fugitives” complete and “Redemption” on the horizon for September it looks as if there will be a new government funded company headed by Mr. Bennet, Nathan, and Mrs. Petrelli. Sylar for some time will believe he is Nathan due to absorbing all his memories. Tracy Strauss did just as I said she would in my HerOeD for “Cold Snap”; “I think its safe to assume she will make like the “T-1000” in “Terminator 2” and liquid re-group, alive and well”. Tracy could end up being a minor villain next season (think her hunting Mr. Bennet), she did tell the agent that he was number four, admitting to have been hunting them one by one. According to the newspaper’s headline Nathan is shown reading at the end of the episode, “Fourth Mysterious Drowning Baffles Authorities” may refer to her being more of a water manipulator than an ice queen. Soooo five months, really, come on man that sucks.

Overall 9 outta 10

Crying that it's over for now? Email Nick and tell him you'll miss him at lanalogue@gmai.com

Quotes from The Office - 4/23

One of my favorite episodes of the season. Rather then go into it, I will let the quotes speak for themselves (I love it when puns come out of nowhere!):

M: "Time to make the donuts. "Halpert! Whoa. Boner Patrol. Arrest that man.

DW: Hi Everyone.
Kelly: Hi.
DW: Hello, Look It is no secret ...
Kevin: Hi.
DW: Hello. It's no secret ...

DS: I say we fill Michael's office with bees, my apurist owes me a favor.
J: Really? Does he do good work or .. ?
DS: No, Jim. I use a bad apurist.

M: Well, well, wel ... how the turn tables ...

DW: Ryan cost Dunder Mifflin hundreds of thousands of dollars Michael. Ryan is ....
M: You kow David, I don't care if Ryan murdered his entire famliy. He's like a son to me.

Any others? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

TWITTER SOUP: There's No Way This Is Diddy

iamdiddy: I'm diddy boppin people!!!! Giving yall positive energy today!!!!+++++++++++++++ TAKE THAT!!! TAKE THAT!!!!! Let's go!!!!

iamdiddy: Today I will be GREAT!!!! Today you will be GREAT!!!!! BE GREAT!!!! LET'S GO!!!!


If anyone thinks this is really the real Diddy, email me at lanalogue@gmail.com with reasons why.

It's News: but not for mensa members 4/23

Jennifer Hudson and fiancé David Otunga are said to be expecting their first child. Pregnancy rumors are flying on several blogs after pictures from a recent performance surfaced showing Hudson with a fuller midsection.

What? Fat girls don't get baby bumps?

"American Idol" Spoiler Alert: Both Lil Rounds and Anoop Desai were sent packing in a double elimination show last night.

Were they eliminated because of their names?

Chelsea Clinton's body is bikini-ready thanks to frequent spin class workouts at a SoHo gym.
Yeah, but what about her face?

The Post reports that Gwyneth Paltrow has no room in her life for fat friends. Paltrow has gifted overweight pal Mario Batali with a free membership to the gym she's opening this summer because she wants him to shed some pounds.

Imagine the public stoning if Brad Pitt got Mo'Nique a gym membership?

It's been reported that Madonna saw spine chief Dr. Frank Cammisa at Hospital for Special Surgery for injuries resulting from her horse accident.

Is it just a matter of time before this chick takes a pie in the face for attention?

Tim Gunn from "Project Runway" says he hasn't been on a date in 26 years because he "doesn't have any time" to be in a relationship.
What happened to Andre?

The NY Post reports that Spencer Pratt admitted that he started the infamous sex tape rumors about Lauren Conrad that led to the confrontation that ended Conrad and Montag's friendship.

Unfortunately for him, the writers at MTV were not implicated.

Regis Philbin will return to host a primetime version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" in August, the show's 10th anniversary.

And let me guess, just by coincidence, the first contestant is an Indian kid from the slums of Mumbai.


Any other guesses on the first guest of WWTBAM? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

She Really Is As Sweet As Candy

Last Night I went to the Candy Spelling Book Signing for her new book "Stories From Candyland". She spoke to a riveted audience that consisted of me, 35 old people and 2 gay men (one of which was my friend Matt).

Since I am sort of a Tori fan, I was a little skeptical going in (crazy moms are like the anti-Christ to me). However, about 5 minutes into it, I could see why people call her Candy. She was sweet, humble, endearing and most of all motherly. Even as we posed for our pictures, she said warmly "Get in closer." Matt couldn't help but put his arm around her and squeeze her shoulder.

I was most impressed by her amazing sugar coating talent. She gushed about Aaron and sweetly added that he didn't allow her to have friends. She said she wouldn't bash her daughter, but sadly let us know that Tori hasn't been speaking to ANYONE in the family, not just her (this includes her son Randy and Aaron when he was alive). She said her mother raised her to be a good girl and added quietly "she was very controlling like Aaron". She either had really good media training or was opening up to us because she felt comfortable (in order to savor the wonderment of the night, let's say it's the latter).

In any event, she answered questions, cried, took pictures, signed books and gave out ... candy (Hershey's kisses). How could we resist? As we walked out of the event Matt turned to me and said "That was the most random Tuesday night I've had in a long time." Indeed it was, Matt. Indeed it was.

Check out her new book "Stories From Candyland" (there are about 2 words on the page, so it should take about an hour to read) and let us know what you think. Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

HerOeD (posted by nick)

I am Sylar

“I am Sylar” was coincidently an entire episode (for the most part) dedicated to Sylar. While he may be everyone’s favorite character, I feel this episode was more of a let down due to the writers once again having a field day with his life story. The episode had a vibe that tried “we are doing something really awesome” but felt more like “Lame”. If this was Sylar’s episode, why did I not love it?
It began with a back track of 18 hours, a sort of “in the meantime” during the whole Coyote Sans episode “1961”. Sylar is apparently going through an identity crisis due to Danko forcing him to remain as Agent Taub. After showing signs of difficulty in transitions from person to person (tooth remnants, waking up as the agent, eye colors) Sylar decides he actually is more comfortable in his own skin, and feels he’s trading his fame of being this legendary villain to simply help Danko’s cause.

In an attempt to hold on to something to remind Sylar of who he is, Sylar as Agent Taub requests that the evidence from his mother’s murder be delivered to him. Upon the touch of the scissors she was stabbed with, he assimilates her DNA and can transform into her, which made him a schizo, and this is where the writers lost me. I found myself cringing at the corniness of the situation. This badass we know Sylar to be, acting like two people, one of which a women? Sylar talking to himself as his mother just portrayed Sylar as weak, which was weird to watch. If he’s so bent out of shape because he killed the only person who ever loved him, why did he decide to also kill Elle?

More elements of an out of character Sylar were scattered throughout the episode. Sylar allowed Tom Miller (whose ability is dismantling the molecules of an object) to decide which path to choose, but I assume Sylar knew Tom would choose him and either way this dude was screwed. Sylar saving Micah was a great twist, but it makes you wonder whatever happened to his hunger for more powers, I mean Micah has an awesome ability and to pass up on it is very un-Sylar.

In touching Nathan’s travel toothbrush, Sylar acquires his identity and delivers the speech on television. Nathan then goes on a suicide mission to confront Sylar... ya know the most powerful known being on the planet, when all Nathan can do is fly. I think it’s safe to assume that the whole Sylar pretending to be Nathan thing is not over especially considering he’s about to become a big deal in a movie franchise, the new J.J. Abrams “Star Trek” movie already got the green light for a sequel nearly a month before it’s released. The season finale is Monday and I’m excited.

7.5 outta 10

Questions/comments for Nick? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

The Hills: 7 Reasons

Here are this week's 7 Reasons Why The Hills Sucks My Armpit:

1. Lauren's "I'm trying too hard to be hip" flannel shirts
2. Not only was Frankie Delgado in this episode, but Sleazy-T was too (with a speaking part!).
3. Justin Bobby is looking all sweaty and nasty again.
4. The time wasted that is spent watching any scene with Justin Bobby because you can't understand him.
5. Brody's girlfriend Jade's over-botoxed lips.
6. Watching anything that has to do with Heidi and Spencer, because you know she stays with him.
7. MTV is either too cheap or too afraid of Kelly Cutrone to get her a make-up artist.
Thoughts/comments/make-up artist for Kelly Cutrone? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

Twitter Soup - Couple Speak

Why do famous couples air all their private conversations over twitter? See sample below:

ShannaMoakler@trvsbrkr: you look amazing, I luv you baby and I proud of you.

trvsbrkr@ShannaMoakler: Thank u MaMa

I have convinced Chris that we should start doing the same:

Lanalogue@chrissoskin: How could you tape over I Love Money 2? I am so pssed rght nw. Evry time?

chrissoskin@lanalogue: You get dumber by the minute from watching those shows. I don't know y I still luv u.

The LANALOGUE: Uncle Donny's House - Episode 3

"I'm Not A Girl"

In Celebrity News this week, we found out that MTV is currently taping the upcoming season of The City, Whitney has quit DVF because Olivia has gotten promoted over her and has gone to work for Kelly Cutrone. What does Uncle Donny have to say about this? Find out in Episode 3 "I'm Not A Girl".

Special thanks to our lovely, creative and highly talented Editor, LANALOGGER Suzanne Friedman, who continues to understand Uncle Donny more than any of us. We are truly grateful. For more info on Suzanne (or if you want to give her props) - email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

The Lost Boys (with ryan & ruben)

Low and behold, this week’s episode of Lost, titled Some Like it Hoth, was a Miles-centirc episode. We liked this one a lot, because it was more like an old school eppy, rather than a new school eppy, with it’s centralized flashback and its singular focus…then again, when is Lost ever singularly focused? The title derives from a planet in the Star Wars universe, also correlating with the conversation between Miles and Hurley about The Empire Strikes Back.
The episode opens with a shot of a microwave, with the clock reading 3:16. Blammo! Through some seriously thick dialogue we find out that we are watching a young Miles and his mother purchase an apartment. Young Miles runs off to a vending machine and then stumbles on to a dead body, which young Miles says he can hear talking, still talking. Blammo, the Miles moment we have been waiting for: He can hear dead people!
Then, after a major flash, we see a Hot-Topic-pnk-rocker Miles talking to his mother while she is on her death bed. He expresses interests in his father and she shuts him down, saying that his father kicked them out.
We think this was his father saving them from the inevitable, the Purge.
Flash forward, flash back, if you will, and we are in the midst of a melt-down. Sawyer is trying to cover up his and Kate’s actions and then Miles is asked by Horace to pick up a package. The Package turns out to be the corpse of a man. Miles is supposed to transport this dead dude back to Horace. Long story short, he brings it to Horace who says he has to bring it out to Dr. Chang, the creepy asian doctor from the DHARMA films. But before he can bring the corpse to the creepy Doc, he is interrupted by Hurley, who tags along.
The dialogue between Hurley and Miles is the best! The whole scene where Miles tells Hurley what he knows about the “package.” His name is Alvarez. He was digging a whole and thinking about a girl, when he felt a pain in his tooth. This harkens back to season two, or three, when Desmond and Jack are in the Hatch talking about the spot in the dark hall, the spot that has been filled in with concrete. Desmond goes on to say something about how everytime he walks by that spot, the fillings in his teeth begin to hurt. And then when Miles brings the “package” back to Horace, Horace is on the phone talking about electro-magnetism. We think he is talking to Dr. Chang on the phone.
We also think there may be two Dr. Changs walking the earth at a given time. We’ll get to that in a second.
Hurley eventually finds the body and this is when the dialogue between Miles and Hurley gets great. Hurley asks Miles if he can talk to dead people. And Hurley says he can, too. We loved the part when Hurley tells Miles that his power is better than Miles’.
Upon dropping off said corpse, Hurley opens his big fat mouth and the creepy asian doctor says to Hurley that if he tells anyone about this that he will be picking up Polar Bear poop on Hydra Island. Hydra Island is the other island. The Other Island. After the creepy Dr. Chang threatens Hurley, Hurley calls him a douche and then Miles says that douche is his dad.
First of all, we can’t believe that a major network tv show is using the word douche, and, secondly, imagine going back in time and conversing with your father!
Then the Doc comes back to Miles and Hurley and when Miles asks about the body, the Doc asks, “What Body?” Is he being coy? Or is he ignorant of what had just happened. Bear with us hear for a moment…this is why we think there are two Dr. Changs. Remember in the Orchid video, where said doc was demonstrating time travel with the numbered bunnies? If you remember correctly, there were two rabbits and they weren’t allowed near each other. We think that the Doc discovered the time travel properties and first tried it on himself and then the body that Miles was delivering. The second Dr. Chang was to be taken to the worksite. Is he just pretending not to know about the body or did that version of himself miss the exchange of the package?
Sorry if that is hard to follow. We are trying to wrap our minds around this time travel business. It goes on to the fact that there are two Miles, one as a baby and one as an adult, living within the same timelines. Crazy. Blammo!
Another flashbackforward and we see Miles talking to some dude in a backyard. We find out that this dude hired Miles to talk to his deceased son. We also find out that Miles needs a body in order to communicate with the dead. This is when we see Miles become money hungry. This is also when we see Naomi, the chick who flew the helicopter to the Island at the end of the season before last. Naomi takes Miles to a restaurant, but surprises him with a fresh corpse on a coffee table. Miles then does his thing. His name, the corpse’s, is Felix. He was on his way to delivery something to a guy named Widdmore.
Deliver what?
Then we see Jack erasing a chalkboard. If you look closely, you can see that said chalkboard has a bunch of stuff on it written about Egypt. Other than a vague timeline, all we could make out is the word PHONOGRAM.
After we learn that Dr. Chang likes country music (wtf?), the van pulls into a worksite, the worksite which will become The Hatch, or the Swan. We know this because Hurley says so. Hurley knows this because he witnesses the numbers being inscribed on the side. There is some speculation that the dude reading the numbers at the site is either Hurley’s dad or someone in Hurley’s family.
After a commercial break, we see Miles munching on a fish taco and then he is kidnapped by the dude who hits LAPIDUS. This dude is Bram, the dude we told you guys about. He asks that same weird question about the what lies in the shadow of the statue and then goes on to tell Miles that if he sticks with them he can learn about himself and his powers and his father. Speaking of which, are we ever going to figure out why Miles has these powers? Same as Hurley and Walt…why do these earthlings have these special powers?
We love Hurley. He is writing The Empire Strikes Back and simply telling it how it is. He tells Miles, after Miles rants and raves that his father is dead and gone and he can’t change anything, that his father is not dead, that they just gave him a lift.
This episode is all about fathers and sons. From Miles and his dad, to the dude who Miles helps in his backyard, to Hurley and his dad, to Ben’s dad (who suddenly cares). The Lost Boys have been writhing our brains trying to figure out the connection between this episode and Star Wars. They laid the Star Wars stuff on pretty thick and the only conclusion we could come up with is this: in Star Wars, Luke gets his hand cut off by Vadar and in return cuts off Vadar’s hand too. In previous seasons, when we see the creepy asian doctor, i.e. Miles’ Dad, he is missing his hand in some scenes…well, we think that eventually Miles will be responsible for his father losing his hand.
Then Daniel faraday pops out of the sub. Apparently, this sub is packed with folks from Ann Arbor, Michigan. If you guys remember, the DHARMA Initiative was started by scientists from the University of Michigan. We need a Daniel episode. What the hell has he been up to? We also need a Jack episode. Jack is a supporting character in this season.
Whoa.

The Oxygen Network & Tori, Tori, Tori

Do you watch the Oxygen Network? If not, we think you should start for the following reasons:

1. The 4th Season of Tori & Dean starts on May 26th
2. They have a new show called Dance Your A$$ Off - A dance show with plus size people dressed skimpy and dancing.
3. A new show called Addicted to Beauty, about people addicted to plastic surgery (i.e. implants in the balls of their feet)
4. They are currently casting the next season of The Bad Girls Club - know anyone?
5. They currently have a reality show in development that follows Rudy from The Cosby show - all grown up and her boyfriend. Wait. This one should be on the list of reasons you shouldn't watch Oxygen.

Also, An Anonymous LANALOGGER writes:

"I saw Tori Spelling and Dean this week. Dean was s very cute in person, but Tori - not so cute. She is on the cover of PEOPLE Magazine this week claiming that she doesn't have an eating disorder, but come on. She was the skinniest person I have ever seen in person. While I do believe Dean is the brains of this operation - I do have a lot of respect for her. Two kids, a new book, the 4th season of Tori & Dean, 90210, another new project with Oxygen and a bunch of dogs. They are the hardest working couple in Hollywood."

I can't WAIT for Tori & Dean to come back on the air. Poor Tori, it must be hard being in the spotlight - but hey looking like a transvestite has some perks - all the gay men love you.
Thoughts/comments? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

TWITTER SOUP

Michael_Phelps: Be back later! Unless Blackberry decides to come out with an AquaBerry anytime soon!

You're an Aquadouche.

courtneylover79: so listen here either yall take care of my a$ or i have NOTHING to lose, not a f&ckingTHING iam not scared of ANYONE at this point

But we're a little scared of you ...


mileycyrus: im wearing piggy tails today!! i feel 6 again!!!

Well Miley ... considering it was only a couple of years ago ...

Vanessa Knows (posted by vanessa)

What does Vanessa know? Not much really. This time I will just spill some useless info but next time it would be great to get a legit question, preferably food related. What I know that I don't know is anything about baby gear, so if anyone would like to return the favor and help me with a crib and carriage, I'm so happy.

BUT, what do I know this week. OK, 2 things:

1. Where to eat lunch around St Luke's Roosevelt Hospital on 59th and 10th...Don't go to the diner on the corner. Its tempting due to location but the heat is too high and the food is not hot (ha ha). I had the chili (perhaps it was a mistake) but it was underwhelming. The iced tea was heavy on ice and light on tea. AND they charged for the refills. The veggie burger looked weak, the omelettes looked lame. Maybe they prey on sick people's families not caring about what they are eating. OK, maybe I'm selfish but if you're in a hospital for five days, don't you want a decent meal. WHAT WOULD I DO INSTEAD...Walk to 9th Avenue. Route 66 had a nice brunch, cute restaurant, reasonable prices and great food. A really yummy and flavorful turkey burger with delicious fries. Only a few extra blocks but a nice break from the hospital. One word to the wise, don't go to the Cafe in the hospital its not a cafe at all. I, out of desperation ordered the kosher food which is really frozen food. The man looked me up and down, as if to question if I was Jewish enough to eat it. Little did he know I was desperate. It was as bad as I thought it would be, I wouldn't do that again. I hear there is a cafeteria, but it was never open so i can't comment and hope to not return there soon.

2. What I also know this week is that its Passover. For those of you who are not members of the tribe or familiar with the traditional foods, its not known as a foodie paradise. I am constantly looking for the next best Passover food. Those items that help you to last eight days. This year my BIG NEW FIND is Butter Lane introduced a new PASSOVER CUPCAKE. For those of you who are super religious/kosher, I don't think its kosher for passover, but I do believe it pretty much follows the dietary laws for those of us who aren't super Jews. First of all for those of you who don't have to eat for Passover-DO NOT GO TO BUTTER LANE to order this cupcake, their real cupcakes are outstanding and shouldn't be missed. For those of you who do want to wow your friends and family or help a fellow Jew who might have a birthday and want something that feels like a cake...go for this. One of the really things that is super special about Butter Lane is their frosting and they don't skimp on it with the Passover cupcakes...cream cheese, vanilla, lemon, chocolate, strawberry....SERIOUSLY delicious. The cake reminds me of my grandmother's sponge cake which is different than a regular cupcake but has a really nice consistency and flavor. So whether or not you want to know, this is my Passover find of the season. For the last few seasons, I have gone for Payard but I think this is really compelling for cupcake lovers and don't we all know one. Enjoy and hope the cupcakes help those of you trying to get through Passover. http://www.butterlane.com/

Also, if you think the east village is too far, their delivery is REALLY cost effective. Just ask.

Questions/comments for Vanessa? Want to know what she is talking about? Email us lanalogue@gmail.com. You can check out more of Vanessa on www.vanessaknows.com

7 Reasons Why I Really Want to get Back into Following The DMB

1) At every Dave Matthews concert there is always a High School couple in the hallway, drunk and fighting and I found them.
2) I got high and didn't actually smoke anything.
3) I hadn't been to a Dave Matthews Concert in 10 years and everyone was still the same age (I was the only person that got older).
4) I danced so much I burned off the bowl of cavatelli I ate prior to going.
5) My friend (and LANALOGGER) Anne Toal had two different people puke in the chairs on either side of her, while their friends continued to dance around them.
6) People still scream/sing the lyrics to Ants Marching like they did in 1995.
7) There is at least 2-3 couples making out/eating each other's faces around you.

It's News: but not for mensa members 4/15

The National Enquirer is reporting that Britney Spears is engaged to land developer John Sundahl. Sundahl’s personal pilot claims that the multimillionaire “got down on one knee in a Subway sandwich shop in Santa Monica a week ago and proposed with a $4.5 million ring.” A rep for Spears denies the engagement.

There’s something about ‘personal pilot’ and ‘Subway sandwich shop’ that just don’t seem to make this story click.

The NY Post reports that Samantha Ronson will help sister Charlotte launch her new swimsuit line at the Thompson LES Hotel tomorrow.

The one thing she could have used Lindsay for besides scissor fighting and she’s no longer around? Sucks.

Hulk Hogan goes on about his divorce to Linda and her love affair with “some shaggy-haired pool boy 30 years her junior,” telling Rolling Stone, “I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody’s throat. I totally understand, OJ, I get it.”

Yeah Hulk, maybe you didn’t get the PR memo? Even if you happen to match his career rushing yards you’re never ever supposed to even allude to the fact that you understand how OJ Simpson feels.

Ousted Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, who yesterday pleaded guilty to federal racketeering and fraud charges, wants to leave the United States to appear on NBC’s upcoming reality show, “I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here!” filming in the Costa Rican jungle.

Does this guy get the concept of shame?

Questions? Comments? Should I have taken the term "scissor fight" out? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

7 Reasons Why The Hills Sucks My Armpit

7 Reasons Why this week's episode of The Hills Sucked My Armpit

1. We find out that Heidi used to go to Bible Study every day and now looks like the grown up porn version of Jon Benet Ramsey
2. Kelly Cutrone can't be bothered to put on make-up even though she is on national television
3. Lauren recommended Stephanie "I Can't Form Complete Sentences" Pratt for a job at the People's Revolution and vouched for her to Kelly Cutrone
4. Stephanie's "final goal in life" is to have a handbag line
5. Out of all the out of work people right now, Kelly Cutrone is going to hire Stephanie Pratt
   Out of all the bars in Hollywood, Heidi was able to find Spencer at the first one she went to.
6. Mr Unknown Moustache got all up in Heidi's shizznat giving him 2 lines too many in this episode.

Bonus: The only good line of the episode was when Spencer asked Stephanie if her train was parked outside (because of her hat).

Anything else? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

Harlem Heights (posted by The InSyDer)

“This is Why the Friends Thing Becomes Messy"

The weather is warming up and so are the streets of Harlem as two Heights cats take things to the next level!

Lovebirds Brooke and Christian can't fight the feeling (surprise, surprise) and dive in head first but have they moved too quickly? Seems like it when things get TENSE as Brooke questions the intentions of her new love interest and makes yet ANOTHER frenemy, this time in Kelli C (who gets a few well-deserved minutes of shine).

And in the same evening, Brooke confronts Landon for allegedly talking sideways about the merits of HBCUs over majority white schools (GASP!) If I didn't love B's straight-shooter personality, I'd say homegirl has been in the center of a lot of conflict lately - beefin with Ashlie, Dawn, Pierre, Christian, Kelli C, Landon... You gotta respect that she speaks her mind though.

In other news, the unofficial Mayor of New Harlem - Landon - has a HUGE announcement that reminds us all that Yes We Can and Yes We MUST. Go 'head boy, get your Barackstar on!

Anyhoo, check out this clip for a taste of the action. But for a full serving of the drama, watch it all go down MONDAY at 10/9c only on BET!

Missed any of the episodes? Catch up with all the drama on BET.com\Harlem Heights before the Season Finale April 20th.

The InSyDer

[Insider]

–noun

a person in possession of private information not generally available to the public

Questions/comments for The InSyDer? Still wondering what it all means? Email us @ lanalogue@gmail.com

Dear Selena (posted by Selena - duh!)

After a bit of a hiatus, my way too truthful sister is back with advice. What makes her the authority? We don't know, but it's pretty funny.

Dear Selena:

I live in LA and I have been on Match.com. This is one of my recent emails that I got from a guy I have been emailing with. What do you make of it? "i must tell you that i love your profile! with that said, i am being very direct and honest as to what i want to find. so my question for you is, would you have a baby now, meaning, actively pursue a family and skip all the games and bullshit and pursue a commitment based on chemistry and family? agree to no birth control and let it happen when it happens and be super excited? could u handle that?"

Help!

- Missmatch:

Dear MissMatch:

GAY!! Seriously, this guy is gay and while I love gay guys and advise making out with them - this guy also happens to be really CREEPY. Exhibit 1: Bypassing the “no birth control” comment at this point because I CAN”T even with some of these freaks on dating sites – ANY man who says “Super Excited” is a Super Queen. Exhibit 2: “Could “u” handle that?” = A Gay guy trying to hit on a women via internet speak... Exhibit 3: He’s obviously in a super rush b/c he needs a SUPER beard - is there a family reunion or a work retreat around the corner? Save yourself the hardship and come out the closet – you live in LA, not the deep south. AND FINALLY – SUPER WEIRD AND SUPER SCARY RANDOM OBSERVATION ABOUT INTERNET DATING: The problem with internet dating is this: Men in their 40’s and 50’s say they want to date women in their 20’s when they are really compatible with women in their 40’s; women in their 40’s are disgruntled about that fact that men their age say they want 20 year olds, and then only get interest from men in their 70’s who lie and say they’re in their 40’s; Women in their 20’s complain that everyone who contacts them is in their 40’s and creepy or in this case, GAY Conclusion: NEWFLASH TO MEN in their 40’s – WOMEN IN THEIR 20’s DON’T WANT TO DATE YOU and are often creeped out! You’re lucky that the hot women in their 40’s with careers would consider you. Oh, and if you’re gay – find a MAN to have super-awesome babies with and then get super excited about it, you SUPER FREAK. Disclaimer – I am not in my 40’s, not single, not on internet dating and not full of sh&t.

HONESTLY,

SELENA

Can you handle the truth? Email Selena @ lanalogue@gmail.com.

Three Songs You Need To Hear This Week (posted by MARK BLANKENSHIP)

The pop music landscape can be overwhelming. There are just so many hits, you know? If you listen to these three songs, however, you'll be in the know, at least for this week. Let's get rocking!

(1) "Boom Boom Pow" by Black Eyed Peas
This is currently the number one song in all of America, y'all. When you listen to it, you might think, "Where's the song? I hear beeps and swooshes, but I don't hear, like, musical notes." That's a fair reaction. I'm divided over whether the song is a harmless jam or a total disasterpiece myself, but there's no denying that will.i.am (the Peas' producer) captures where dance and hip-hop seem to be heading. Kanye West has been doing it, too... blending echoing space-age sounds with distorted vocals and occasional violins.
Writing that, I feel like I'm describing some experimental composition where a music school grad student bangs piano strings with a mallet. But trust me, "Boom Boom Pow" is much more danceable than anything by Phillip Glass.

(2) "Weed and Wine" by Michelle Malone
Perpetually under the radar, Michelle Malone has nevertheless carried one of rock's biggest torches for years. Effortless, soulful, and always rough around the edges, her music is like every dirty bar you've always wanted to visit. Even better, she matches that grittiness with a voice that slides from sandpaper growl to soulful wail in a single phrase.
Malone's album "Debris" was just released this week, and the song "Weed and Wine" sums up why you need to hear it: A laid-back ode to good lovin' (enhanced by, ahem, certain substances), the track is the perfect companion to Kid Rock's "All Summer Long." Personally, I think it's even better, because Malone write smarter lyrics, and she doesn't self-consciously sample "Sweet Home Alabama" to set her tone.

(3) "Mad World" by Gary Jules with Michael Andrews
This song was orignally recorded by Tears for Fears back in the 80s, and this version was first released on Jules' 2001 album Trading Snakeoil for Wolftickets. (Because one ounce of snake oil gets you six wolftickets, y'all. It's an amazing exchange rate.)
Anyway, Jules' cover first became popular after it was included on the soundtrack to the indie drama Donnie Darko, but it's currently one of the best-selling singles on iTunes because Adam Lambert sang it on American Idol this week. And you know what? He was great. I can't get over what a good singer he is. It's also nice that he brought this particular tune---a haunting piano ballad---back into our lives. It's perfect for that last glass of wine, or that somber Wednesday night when you decide you absolutely need to paint your fingernails black. (That happens to everyone right? Not just me?)

For more pop culture goodness, please join me at The Critical Condition (www.thecriticalcondtion.com)

The Lost Boys (by ruben & ryan)

"We don’t even have a word for it…but I believe you call it The Monster.”
-Benjamin Linus
After the recap, we knew, the whole world knew, we were in for a Ben episode, and what a romper we got! Let’s cut to the chase here. This episode was pretty good, pretty gangsta’, if you will. Ben Linus is a gangsta’ from the streets, or rather, a gangsta from the Island. Did you guys see how he blew away Cesar like he was Tony Montana or Sonny Corleone? This episode was like the hip-hop-version of Lost, complete with guns and smoke. The episode, titled DEAD IS DEAD, opens up with a lone man on a horse. This man is Charles Widdmore at a different, younger age. He rides high, like he is in charge. He demands answers from Richard and then he goes in to talk to a young Ben. Ben doesn’t remember being shot and Charles remarks at the awesome ability of Ben’s healing. Apparently, Ben shoulda’ been dead. Next we see and older Ben awakening to a resurrected Locke. Ben looks surprised and says “It’s one thing to believe in something, it’s another to see it.” Is Ben telling the truth? We have grown so accustomed to Ben lying that it is hard for us to take him at his word. Next we see a younger Ben, with more hair, perched outside some sorta camp. He is with a younger boy. Through forced dialogue we find out that this boy is, none other than, Ethan Romm. Young Ethan seems eager and anxious. Ben marches into said camp, armed, ready to shoot someone. That someone is Rousseau. Holy Gee Whiz! But before Ben can shoot her, he knocks over her music box (the very music box that Sayid repairs) and awakens a sleeping baby. That baby is Alex. Duh. Ben takes Alex and spares her mother’s life.
Next we see an older Ben digging through a desk, his old desk. He finds a picture of him and his stolen daughter. Locke interrupts him and demands to talk about the “elephant in the room.” Ben gives him some story and Locke simply states he just wanted an apology.
Two scenes that stood out to us: The tiny bit of dialogue between Ben and Ilana and Bram (the guy from October Road). Ben asks if they need help and Ilana says something about “transporting necessary supplies,” and goes on the decline Ben’s help. The second scene that stood out to us is the scene between locke and ben when they talk about the “elephant in the room,”…and Ben’s face when sun says “his said his name was Christian…that’s a good scene too. The look on Ben’s face when she says “Christian” is priceless. Okay that is three scenes, but who cares, right? You guys know how it is. It is hard to put this show into categories and subtexts. Maybe it was just too much to handle. Too much Ben backstory. Too many answers to digest.
On top of everything they threw at us with this eppy, they go and hurl at us Ben’s attempt to kill Widdmores daughter, i.e. Penny Hume. Ben shoots Desmond. We gasp. Ben points his gun at Penny. We cry. Then Ben sees Penny and Desmond’s son. We gasp again. Ben has a definite softspot for babies. He loves babies. Then we cheer as Desmond tackles Ben and beats the living S outta him. Yeah!
Ben deserved that beatin’.
Ben blows Cesar away. “This gentleman and I are taking a boat…” Blammo! Right in the clock-o! Ben shot that dude whom we thought was important…hmmm…we wonder if we will see poor Cesar again in future(?) episodes? Next we see Frank, Locke, Sun, and Ben. Sun is puzzled. Frank just leaves. Sun is wide-eyed. Locke is demeaning towards Ben. Oh, how the roles reverse. Ben is scared. He says so. When he is talking to Sun on the porch, after summoning the Monster, he says that the fact that Locke is walking around this Island [after being dead], well, it scares the hell outta him.
So, wait, you’re telling us that Ben summons the Monster by draining a hole of murky water? Sudden flashback to a younger Ben pushing Aex in a swing. This is after the Purge. Richard comes to him and says something about the sub leaving. This is the beginning of the war. The war between Ben and Widdmore. Ben says Widdmore is exiled because he always leaves the Island, and because he had a kid with an outsider. That kid is Penny. No doubt. No diggity. Then Widdmore says, in so many words, that Ben will be in his shoes. Does Widdmore or younger Ben know what will eventually happen? Mainly speaking of the Oceanic crash and the wild future timeline? Blammo! Right in the clock-o! Our favorite television program keeps giving. It’s weird to start finally getting answers to our questions. Isn’t it? The questions are so long and drawn out, that, when finally, our questions are answered, they almost come across as forced and campy. Like when Ben finally releases the Monster. It appears and does its thing and it all seems…well, rather, BLAH. We may be the only ones here, and it may be nothing but build-up gone wrong, but we think the whole thing with the Monster and the Monster as Alex was corny, like a rap video with special effects. “What lies in the shadow of the statue?” This is what Ilana, the chick who was escorting a handcuffed Sayid, asks to a tired LAPIDUS. He can’t answer and then she knocks him out with a big gun. We think this chick and Bram are friends with Widdmore.
Next we see Ben under the Temple. Followed by Locke. Then Ben falls through a floor and into the Egyptian past, complete with hieroglyphs and the Monster. Ben is judged. We see shadows of his past. And then the Monster, in the form of his daughter, Alex, tells him what and what not to do. So much Egyptian stuff in this eppy. And yet again, the answers confuse as much as the questions. That’s why it may come off as campy and prickly.
Ben is a gangsta. What a Ben episode. OMG! ‘Twas a rollercoaster. From hip-hop to resurrection to Alex and the Monster. Everything is changing. Ben changes in this episode. He shows fear and resilience. Like never before. Locke takes on a new role. Widdmore is seen in a different light. This episode will live on as pivotal.

Questions/Comments? Want to date one of the Lost Boys - you can't Ryan has a girlfriend who is nice. Email us @ lanalogue@gmail.com

Brad & DAD - The Quest for a New BFF UPDATE

This Week on BRAD & DAD:

• Dad went to the pizza place where Brad was supposedly spotted and got an update from the owner. Yes, Brad was in. He ate Pizza. No one recognized him. We know this.
• Then DAD went over to the French Restaurant in town where the Jolie-Pitts were supposedly spotted and found out that the restaurant closed the place down for the famous couple and their fam. Big deal.
• Dad found out from his friend, who is a local cop, that the house still needs to be fixed up a bit to be Jolie-Pitt ready, but they should be in soon. Boring.
• Dad has mom on limo patrol. Mom said that on Tuesday she saw a long white stretch pass her house in the AM and then again in the later afternoon. Makes you wonder ... how long was MOM staring out her window for?
• On walk with his grandkids in the local State Park, right near Brad & Dad's homes, DAD started calling my husband Chris, Brad to try and "fake out" other hikers.
• I had a dream on Tuesday that I was at Brad and Angelina's wedding and DAD was mad at me because I didn't take a shower and was talking all through the ceremony.

Tune in next week for Brad & DAD - The Quest for a New BFF.

Suggestions for DAD? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

I Watch Rock of Love Bus Too (posted by Tiffany Cave)

Dear Lana,

It's been a while...hope you are well!

I logged onto the FB and saw something on my general "feed" that caught my eye...."Lana LoRusso just wrote a scathing letter to the writers of Rock of Love Bus. Check it out now on http://www.lanalogue.com/." I never truly pay attention to my general public "feed updates." I think such updates like, "Kristy Koenig fat + tight pants = pants unbuttoned at my desk...Shhhhhh" (source: Facebook, Kristy Koenig, updated 6 minutes ago) are "fun" but not something I should inquire about nor spend any amount of time trying to figure out. As you instructed, I logged onto www.lanalogue.com and to my astonishment found the very letter I yearned to write to the writers of one of the most despicable, detestable, repulsive, shameful and yet the GREATEST show ever made...Rock of Love Bus. You are right on point, Blonde Ambition rocked, I despise Bret for ending Ashleigh's tour and every episode after hoped he would bring Britannya and/or Lacey back.

I just wanted to let you know that I too am devastated Taya and Mindy are the final two left and I too am in support of an alternate ending.

Thanks!

--TIFF

PS - sorry for the long email...no one I know watches this show. I was a bit excited....

Dear TIFF.

We are so glad you watch the show along with us. I happen to know for a fact that other people watch this show, because like I've said before, I get the most hits on my site from people using the search words "Nude pics of Brittannia from Rock of Love Bus". Now that's Awesome.

Best,

The LANALOGUE

Any one else fans of ROLB? Email us at lanalogue@gmail.com

Reality Bites (by jill b) - SPOILERS

Celebrity Apprentice - It was absolutely ridiculous that Trump fired Khloe Kardashian for her DUI! It has NOTHING to do with their projects - and he lets every other C-list, hot mess celebrity prance around on the show. I felt so bad for the poor girl as he was reaming her out.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians - Why is Kim getting her own fragrance? Do people really want to smell like her? Her sisters were all salty because she was calling it Dashing and it conflicts with their store name Dash. Who cares? No one is going to buy this even if it is on the clearance rack at CVS!

Tough Love - Is anyone watching this? This show is awesome! Jody's date was such a jerk - I hated that they spun it that his questions were innocent because he couldn't believe someone as great as her is still single. Taylor is redeeming herself and Arian is a hot mess. Most of the other girls seem to blend together. I am surprised that none of the girls are crushing on Steve - he is adorable!

Survivor Tocantins - For some reason, Taj keeps escaping elimination. Stephen could have totally changed the game when he had the Idol and knocked her out. How is Coach still there - he ticks everyone off and is creepy!! Joe's infected leg is bad - would not be surprised if he has to leave to get it treated.

Questions for Jill? Did she ruin Celebrity Apprentice for you, like she did for me? Email us lanalogue@gmail.com